February 3, Vienna.Ⓐapparatus note Lectured for the benefit of a charity last nightⒺexplanatory note, in the BösendorfersaalⒶapparatus note. Just as I was going on the platform a messenger delivered to me an envelop with my name on it, and this written under it: “Please read one of these tonight.” Enclosed were a couple of newspaper clippings—two versions of an anecdote, one German, the other English. I was minded to try the German one on those people, justⒶapparatus note to see what would happen, but my courage weakenedⒶapparatus note when I noticed the formidable look ofⒶapparatus note the closing word, and I gave it up. A pity, too, for it ought to read well on the platform, and get an encore. That or a brickbat, there is never any telling what a new audience will do; their tastes are capricious. The point of this anecdote is a justifiable gibe at the German long word, and is not as much of an exaggeration as one might think. The German long word is not a legitimate construction, but an ignoble artificiality, a sham. ItⒶapparatus note has no recognition by the dictionary, and is not found there. It is made by jumbling [begin page 119] a lot of words into one, in a quite unnecessary way, it is a lazy device of the vulgar and a crime against the language. Nothing can be gained, no valuable amount of space saved, by jumbling the following words together on a visiting card: “Mrs. Smith, widow of the late Commander-in-ChiefⒶapparatus note of the Police Department,” yet a German widow can persuade herself to do it, without much trouble:Ⓐapparatus note “Mrslatecommanderinchiefofthepolicedepartment’swidow Smith.”Ⓐapparatus note This is the English version of the anecdote:

May 6. * * *Ⓔexplanatory note I do not find that the repetition of an important word a few times—say three or four times—in a paragraph, troubles my ear if clearness of meaning is best secured thereby. But tautological repetition whichⒶapparatus note has no justifying object, but merely exposes the fact that the writer’s balance at the vocabulary bank has run short and that he is too lazy to replenish it from the thesaurus—that is another matter. It makes me feel like calling the writer to account. It makes me want to remind him that he is not treating himself and his calling with right respect; and—incidentally—that he is not treating me with proper reverence. At breakfast, this morning, aⒶapparatus note member of the family read aloud an interesting review of a new book about Mr. Gladstone in which the reviewer used the strongⒶapparatus note adjective “delightful”Ⓐapparatus note thirteenⒶapparatus note times. ThirteenⒶapparatus note times in a short review, not a long one. In five of the cases the word was distinctly the right one, the exactⒶapparatus note one, the best one ourⒶapparatus note language can furnish, therefore it made no discord; but in theⒶapparatus note remaining cases it was out of tune. It sharped or flatted, one or the other, every time, and was as unpleasantly noticeable as is a false note in music. I looked in the thesaurus, and under a single head I found four words which would replace with true notes the false ones utteredⒶapparatus note by four of the misused “delightfuls;” and of course if I had hunted under related heads for an hour and made an exhaustive search I should have found right words, to a shade, wherewith to replace the remaining delinquents.

I suppose we all have our foibles. I like the exact word, and clarity of statement, and here [begin page 120] and there a touch of good grammar for picturesqueness; but that reviewer cares for only the last-mentioned of these things. His grammar is foolishly correct, offensivelyⒶapparatus note precise. It flaunts itself in the reader’s face all along, andⒶapparatus note struts and smirks and shows off, and isⒶapparatus note in a dozen ways irritating and disagreeable. To be serious, I write good grammar myself, but not in that spirit, I am thankful to say. That is to say, myⒶapparatus note grammar is of a high order, though not at the top. Nobody’s is. Perfect grammar—persistent, continuous, sustained—is the fourth dimension, so to speak: many have sought it, but none has found it. Even this reviewer, this purist, with all his godless airs, has made two or three slips. At least I think he has. I am almost sure, by witness of my ear, but cannot be positive, for I know grammar by ear only, not by note, not by the rules. A generation ago I knew the rules—knew them by heart, word for word, though not their meanings—and I still know one of them: the one which says—which says—but never mind, it will come back to me presently. This reviewer even seemsⒶapparatus note to know (or seems even to know, or seems to know even) how to put the word “even” in the right place; and the word “only,” too. I do not like that kind of persons. I never knew one of them that came to any good. A person who is as self-righteous as that, will do other things. I know this, because I have noticed it many a time. I would never hesitate to injure that kind of a man if I could. When a man works up his grammar to that altitude, it is a sign. It shows what he will do, if he gets a chance; it shows the kind of disposition he has; I have noticed it often. I knew one once that did a lot of things. They stop at nothing.

But anyway, this grammatical coxcomb’s review is interesting, as I said before. And there is one sentence in it which tastes good in the mouth, so perfectly do the lastⒶapparatus note five of its words report a something which we have all felt after sitting long over an absorbing book. The matter referred to is Mr. GladstoneⒺexplanatory note’sⒶapparatus note boswellised conversations, andⒶapparatus note his felicitous handling of his subjects.

That is clearly stated. We recognise that feeling. In the morning paper I find a sentence of another breed.

By the context I know what it means, but you are without that light and will be sure to get out of it a meaning which the writer of it was not intending to convey.

* * * June 4, KaltenleutgebenⒺexplanatory note.Ⓐapparatus note In this family we are four. When a family has been used to a group of servants whose several terms of service with it cover these periods, to witⒶapparatus note: 10 years, 12 years, 13 years, 17 years, 19 years, and 22 years, itⒶapparatus note is not able to understand the new ways of [begin page 121] a new group straight off. That would be the case at home; abroad it is the case emphasized. We have been housekeeping a fortnight,Ⓐapparatus note now—long enough to have learned how to pronounce the servants’ names, but not to spell them. We shan’t ever learn to spell them; they were invented in Hungary and Poland, and on paper they look like the alphabet out on a drunk. There are four: two maids, a cook, and a middle-aged woman who comes once or twice a day to help around generally. They areⒶapparatus note good-natured and friendly, and capable and willing. TheirⒶapparatus note ways are not the ways which we have been so long used to with the home tribe in AmericaⒶapparatus note but they are agreeable, and no fault is to be found with them except in one or two particulars. The cook is a love, but she talks at a gait and with a joyous interest and energy which make everything buzz. She is always excited; gets excited over big and little things alike, for she has no sense of proportion. Whether the project in hand is a barbecued bullⒶapparatus note or a hand-madeⒶapparatus note cutlet it is no matter, she loses her mind; she unlimbers her tongue, and while her breath holds out you can’t tell her from a field day in the Austrian Parliament. But what of it, as long as she can cook? And she can do that. She hasⒶapparatus note that mysteriousⒶapparatus note art which is so rare in the world—the art of making everything taste good which comes under the enchantment of her hand. She is the kind of cook that establishes confidence with the first meal; establishes it so thoroughly that after that you do not care to know the materials of the dishes nor their names: that her hall-mark is upon them is sufficient.

The youngest of the two maids, Charlotte,Ⓐapparatus note is about twenty; strong, handsome, capable, intelligent, self-contained, quiet—in fact, rather reserved. She has character, and dignity.

The other maid, Wuthering Heights (which is not her name), is about forty and looks considerably younger. She is quick, smart, active, energetic, breezy, good-natured, has a high-keyedⒶapparatus note voice and a loud one, talks thirteen to the dozen, talks all the time, talks in her sleep, will talk when she is dead; is here, there, and everywhere all at the same time, and is consumingly interested in everyⒶapparatus note devilish thing that is going on. Particularly if it is not her affair. And she is not merely passively interested, but takes a hand; and not only takes a hand but the principal one; in fact will play the whole game, fight the whole battle herself, if you don’t find some way to turn her flank. But as she does it in the family’s interest, not her own, I find myself diffident about finding fault. Not so the family. It gravels the family. I like that. Not maliciously, but because it spices the monotony to see the family graveled. Sometimes they are driven to a point where they are sure they cannot endureⒶapparatus note her any longer, and they rise in revolt; but I stand between her and harm, for I adore Wuthering HeightsⒺexplanatory note. She is not a trouble to me, she freshens up my life, she keeps me interested all the time. She is not monotonous, she does not stale, she is fruitful of surprises, she is always breaking out in a new place. The family are always training her, always caulking her, but it does not make me uneasy any more, now, for I know that as fast as they stop one leak she will spring another. Her talk is my circus, my menagerie, my fireworks, my spiritual refreshment. When she is at it I would rather be there than at a fire. She talks but little to me, for I understand only about half that she says, and I have had the sagacity not to betray thatⒶapparatus note I understand that half. But I open my door when she is talking to the Executive at the other end of the house, and then I hear everything, andⒶapparatus note the enjoyment is without alloy, for it is like being at a show on a free ticket. She makes the Executive’s head ache. I am sorry for that, of course; still it is a thing which cannot be helped. We must take things as we find them in this world.

[begin page 122] The Executive’s efforts to reconstruct Wuthering Heights are marked by wisdom, patience and gentle and persuasive speech. They will succeed, yet, and it is a pity. This morning at half past eight I was lying in my bed counterfeiting sleep; the Executive was lying in hers, reasoning with Wuthering Heights, who hadⒶapparatus note just brought the hot water and was buzzing around here and there and yonder preparing the baths and putting all manner of things to rights with her lightning touch, and accompanying herself with a torrent of talk, cramped down to a low-voiced flutterⒶapparatus note toⒶapparatus note keep from waking me up.

“You talk too much, Wuthering Heights, as I have told you so often before. It is your next worst fault, and you ought to try your best to break yourself of it. I—”

“Ah, indeed yes, gnädige FrauⒺexplanatory note, it is the very truth you are speaking, none knows it better than I norⒶapparatus note is sorrier. Jessus!Ⓐapparatus note but it is a verdammtes defect, as in your goodness you have said, yourself, these fifty times, and—”

“Don’t! IⒶapparatus note never use such language—and I don’t like to hear it. It is dreadful. I know that it means nothing with you, and that it is common custom and came to you with your mother’s milk; but it distresses me to hear it, and besides you are always putting it into my mouth, which—”

“Oh, bless your kind heart, gnädige Frau, you won’t mind it in the least, after a little; it’s only because it is strange and new to you now, that it isn’t pleasant;Ⓐapparatus note but that will wear off in a little while, and then—oh, it’s just one of those little trifling things that don’t amount to a straw, you know—why, we all swear, the priest and everybody, and it’s nothing, really nothing at all; but I will break myself of it, I will indeed, and this very moment will I begin, for I have lived here and there in my time, and seen things, and learned wisdom, and I know, better than a many another, that there is only one right time to begin a thing, and that is on the spot. Ah yes, by Gott, as your graceⒶapparatus note was saying only yesterday—”

“There—do be still! It is as much as a person’s life is worth to make even the triflingest remark to you, it brings such a flood. And anyⒶapparatus note moment your chatterⒶapparatus note may wake my husband, and he”—after a little pause, to gather courage for a deliberate mis-statement—“he can’t abide it.”

“I will be as the grave! I will, indeed, for sleep is to the tired, sleep is the medicine that heals the weary spirit. Heilige Mutter Gottes!Ⓔexplanatory note before I—”

“Be still!”

“Zu befehlⒺexplanatory note. If—”

“Still!”

After a little pause the Executive began a tactful and low-temperature lecture which had all the ear-marks of preparation about it. I know that easy, impromptu style,Ⓐapparatus note and how it is manufactured, for I have worked at that trade myself. I have forgotten to mention that Wuthering Heights has not always served in a subordinate position; she has been housekeeper in a rich family in Vienna for the past ten years; consequently the habit of bossing is still strong upon her, naturally enough.

“The cook and Charlotte complain that you interfere in their affairs. It is not right. It is not your place to do that.”

“Oh, Joseph and Mary, Deuteronomy and all the saints! Think of that! Why, of course when the mistress is not in the house it is necessary that somebody—”

[begin page 123] “No, it is not necessary at all. The cook says that the reason the coffee was cold yesterday morning was, that you removed it from the stove, and that when she put it back youⒶapparatus note removed it again.”

“Ah, but what would one do, gnädige Frau?Ⓐapparatus note It was all boiling away.”

“No matter, it was not your affair. And yesterday morning you would not let Madame Blank into the house, and told her no one was at home. My husband was at home. It was too bad—and she had come all the way from Vienna. Why did you do that?”

“Let her in?Ⓐapparatus note—I ask you would I let her in?Ⓐapparatus note and he hard at his work and not wishing to be disturbed, sunk in his labors up to his eyes and grinding out God knows what, for it is beyond me, though it has my sympathy, and none feels for him more than I do when he is in his lyings-in,Ⓐapparatus note that way—now would I let her in to break up his work in that idleⒶapparatus note way and she with no rational thingⒶapparatus note in the world to pester him about? now could I?”

“How do you know what she wanted?”

The shot struck in an unprotected place, and made silence for several seconds, for W. H.Ⓐapparatus note was not prepared for it and could not think of an answer right away. Then she recovered herself and said—

“Well—well, it was like this. Well, she—of course she could have had something proper and rational on her mind, but then I knew that if that was the case she would write, not come all the way out here from Vienna to—”

“Did you know she came from Vienna?”

I knew by the silence that another unfortified place had been hit. Then—

“Well, I—that is—well, she had that kind of a look which you have noticed upon a person when—when—”

“When what?”

“She—well, she had that kind of a look, anyway; for—”

“How did you know my husband did not want to be disturbed?”

“Know it? Oh, indeed, and well I knew it; for he was that busy that the sweat was leaking through the floor, and I said to the cook, said I—”

“He didn’t do a stroke of work the whole day, but sat in the balcony smoking and reading.” [In a private tone,Ⓐapparatus note touched with shame: “readingⒶapparatus note his own books—he is always doing it.”Ⓐapparatus note] “You should have told him; he would have been very glad to see Madame Blank, and was disappointed when he found out what had happened. He said so, himself.”

“Oh, indeed, yes, dear gnädige Frau, he would say it, that he would, but give your heart peace, he is always sayingⒶapparatus note things which—why, I was saying to the butcher’s wife no longer ago than day before yesterday—”

“Ruhig!Ⓐapparatus note Ⓔexplanatory note and let me go on. You do twice as much of the talking as you allow me to do, and I can’t have it. If—”

“It’s Viennese, gnädige Frau. Custom, you see; that’s just it. We all do it; it’s Viennese.”

“But I’m not Viennese. And I can’t get reconciled to it. And your interruptions—why, it makes no difference: if I am planning with the cook, or commissioning a dienstmanⒺexplanatory note, or asking the postman about the trains, no matter, you break right in, uninvited, and take charge of the whole matter, and—”

[begin page 124] “Ah, JessusⒶapparatus note! it’s just as I was saying, and how true was the word! It’s Viennese—all over, Viennese. Custom, you see—all custom. Sorel Blgwrxczlzbzockowicz—she’s the Princess Tzwzfzhopowic’s maid—she says she always does so, and the Princess likes it, and—”

“But I am not the Princess, and I want things my way; can’t you understand a simple thing like that? And there’s another thing. Between the time that the three of us went to Vienna yesterday morning, and ten at night when we returned, you seem to have had your hands over-fullⒶapparatus note. When the cook’s old grandfather came to see her, what did you meddle, for?”Ⓐapparatus note

June 26, Sunday;Ⓐapparatus note Kaltenleutgeben. I went in the eightⒶapparatus note o’clock train to Vienna, to see the procession. It was a stroke of luck, for at the last moment I was feeling lazy and was minded not to go. But when I reached the station, five minutes late, the train was still there, a couple of friends were there also, and so I went. At Liesing, half an hour out, we changed to a very long train, and left for Vienna with every seat occupied. That was no sign that this was a great day, for these people are not critical about shows, they turn out for anything that comes along. Half an hour later we were driving into the city; no particular bustle anywhere—indeed less than is usual on an Austrian Sunday; bunting flying, and a decoration here and there—a quite frequent thing in this Jubilee year;Ⓐapparatus note but as we passed the American Embassy I saw a couple of our flags out and the MinisterⒺexplanatory note and his menservants arranging to have anotherⒶapparatus note one added. This woke me up—itⒶapparatus note seemed to indicate that something reallyⒶapparatus note beyond the common was to the fore.

As we neared the bridge which connects the First Bezirk with the Third, a pronounced and growing life and stir were noticeable; and when we entered the wide square where the Schwarzenberg palace is, there was something resembling a jam. As far as we could see down the broad avenue of the Park Ring both sides of it were packed with people in their holiday clothes. Our cab worked its way across the square, and then flew down empty streets, all the way, to Liebenberggasse No. 7—the dwellingⒶapparatus note we were aiming for. It stands on the corner of that street and the Park Ring, and its balconies command a mile-stretch of the latter avenue. ByⒶapparatus note a trifle after nine we were in the shade of the awnings of the first-floor balcony, with a dozen other guests, and ready for the procession. Ready, but it would not start for an hour, yet, and would not reach us for half an hour afterward. As to numbers it would be a large matter; for by report it would march 25,000 strong. But it isn’t numbers that make the interest of a procession; I have seen a vast number of long processions which didn’t pay. It is clothes that make a procession; where you have those of the right pattern you can do without length. Two or three months ago I saw one with the Emperor and an Archbishop in it; and the Archbishop was being carried along under a canopied arrangement and had his skull-cap on,Ⓐapparatus note and the venerable Emperor was following him on foot and bareheadedⒶapparatus note. Even ifⒶapparatus note that had been the entire procession, it would have paid. I am old, now, and may never be an Emperor at all; at least in this world. I have been disappointed so many times that I am growing more and more doubtful and resigned every year; but if it ever should happen, the procession will have a fresh interest for the Archbishop, for he will walk.

[begin page 125] The wait on the balcony was not dull. There was the spacious avenue stretching into the distance, right and left, to look at, with its double wall of massed humanity, an eager and excited lot, broiling in the sunⒶapparatus note, and a comforting spectacle to contemplate from the shade. That is, on our side of the street they were in the sun, but not on the other side, where the Park is—thereⒶapparatus note was dense shade there. They were good-natured people, but they gave the policemen plenty of trouble, for they were constantly surging into the roadway and being hustled back again. They were in fine spirits, yet it was said that the most of them had been waiting there in the jam three or four hours—and two-thirds of them were women and girlsⒶapparatus note.

At last a mounted policeman came galloping down the road in solitary state—first sign that pretty soon the show would open. After five minutes he was followed by a man on a decorated bicycle.Ⓐapparatus note Next, a marshal’s assistant sped by on aⒶapparatus note polished and shiny black horse. Five minutes later—distant strains of music. Five more, and far up the street the head of the procession twinkles into view.

That was a procession! I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. According to my understanding, it was to be composed of shooting-match clubs from all over the Austrian Empire, with a club or two from France and Germany as guests. What I had in my imagination was 25,000 men in sober dress,Ⓐapparatus note drifting monotonously by, with rifles slung to their backs—a New York target-excursion on a large scale. In my fancy I could see the colored brothers toting the ice-pails and targets, and swabbing off perspiration.

But this was a different matter. One of the most engaging spectacles in the world is a Wagner opera-force marching onto the stage, with its music braying and its banners flying. This was that spectacle infinitely magnified, and with the glories of the sun upon it and a countless multitude of excited witnesses to wave the handkerchiefs and do the hurrahing. It was grand, and beautiful, and sumptuous; and no tinsel, no shams; no tin armor, no cotton velvet,Ⓐapparatus note no make-believe silk, no Birmingham oriental rugs; everything was what it professed to be. It is the clothes that make a procession; and for these costumesⒶapparatus note all the centuries were drawn upon, even from times which were alreadyⒶapparatus note ancient when KaiserⒶapparatus note RudolphⒺexplanatory note himself was alive.

There were bodies of spearmen with plain steel casques of a date a thousand years ago; other bodies in more ornamental casques of a century or two later, and with breastplates added; other bodies with chain-mail elaborations—some armed with crossbows, some with the earliest crop of matchlocks; still other bodies clothed in the stunningly picturesque plate-armor and plumed great helmetsⒶapparatus note of the middle of the sixteenth century. And then there were bodies of men-at-armsⒶapparatus note in the darling velvets of the Middle Ages, and nobles on horseback in the same—Ⓐapparatus notedoublets with huge puffed sleeves, wide brigand hats with great plumes; and the rich and effective colors—old gold, black,Ⓐapparatus note and scarlet; deep yellow, black, and scarlet; brown, black, and scarlet. A portly figure clothed like that, with a two-handed sword as long as a billiard cue, and mounted on a big draft-horseⒶapparatus note finely caparisonedⒶapparatus note, with the sun flooding theⒶapparatus note splendid colors—a figure like that, with fifty duplicates marching in his rear, is procession enough, all by itself.

Yet that was merely a detail. All the centuries were passing by; passing by in glories of color and multiplicitiesⒶapparatus note of strange and quaint and curious and beautiful costumes not to be seen in this world now outside the opera and the picture-books. And now and then, inⒶapparatus note the midst of [begin page 126] this flowing tide of splendors appeared a sharply contrasting note—a mounted committee in evening dress—swallow-tails, white kids and shinyⒶapparatus note new plug hats; and right in their rear, perhaps,Ⓐapparatus note a hundred capering clowns in thunder-and-lightning dress, or a band of silken pages out of ancient times, plumed and capped and daggered, dainty as rainbows, and mincing along in flesh-colored tights; and as handy at it, too,Ⓐapparatus note as if they had been born and brought up to it.

At intervals there was a great platform car, bethroned and grandly canopied,Ⓐapparatus note upholstered in silks, carpetedⒶapparatus note with oriental rugs, and freighted with girls clothed in gala costumes. There were several military companies dressed in uniforms of various bygoneⒶapparatus note periods—among others,Ⓐapparatus note one dating backⒶapparatus note a century and a half, and another of Andreas Hofer’sⒺexplanatory note time and region; following this latter was a large company of men and women and girls dressed in the society fashions of a period stretching from the DirectoryⒺexplanatory note down to about 1840—a thing worth seeing. Among the prettiest and liveliest and most picturesque costumes in the pageant were those worn by regiments and regiments of peasants, from the Tyrol, and Bohemia, and everywhere in the Empire. They are of ancient origin, but are still worn to-day.

I have seen no procession which evoked more enthusiasm thanⒶapparatus note this one brought out. It would have made any country deliver its emotions, for it was a mostⒶapparatus note stirring sight to see. At the end of this year I shall be sixty-three—if alive—and about the same if dead. I have been looking at processions for sixty years; and curiously enough, all my really wonderful ones have come in the last three years: one in India in ’96Ⓔexplanatory note,Ⓐapparatus note the Queen’s Record processionⒺexplanatory note in London last year, and now this one. As an appeal to the imagination—an object-lesson synopsizing the mightⒶapparatus note and majestyⒶapparatus note and spread of the greatest empire the world has seen—the Queen’s procession stands first; as a picture for the eye, this one beats it; and in this regard it evenⒶapparatus note falls no very great way short, perhaps, of that Jeypore pageant—and thatⒶapparatus note was a dream of enchantment.