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Autobiographical Dictation, 12 January 1906 ❉ Textual Commentary

Source documents.

TS1      Typescript, leaves numbered 57–73, made from Hobby’s notes and revised.
TS2      Typescript, leaves numbered 199–214, made from the revised TS1 and further revised.
TS3      Typescript, leaves numbered [1]–7, made from the revised TS2 and further revised (the same extent as NAR 16).
NAR 16pf (lost)      Galley proofs of NAR 16, typeset from the revised TS3 and further revised; now lost.
NAR 16      North American Review 184 (19 April 1907), 785–88: ‘I am . . . serene way.’ (268.32–270.40).


Clemens considered this dictation for possible publication through Samuel McClure’s newspaper syndicate, writing ‘MC’ in blue pencil, and then deleting it, on the first page of TS1; that notation was later partially erased (see the Introduction, p. 29). Clemens circled three passages in blue pencil on TS1—which contain unflattering remarks about Charles Dudley Warner and Charles E. Perkins—to signal temporary suppression. In addition, he twice substituted ‘Nevermindwho’ for Perkins’s name, and used the same expression in two insertions—revisions that were not incorporated into TS2, which suggests that Hobby was instructed to disregard them. Clemens at first rejected this dictation for publication, noting on TS2 that none of it was ‘printable while I am alive’. In January 1907, however, he returned to it, assisted by Paine, when additional installments for the NAR were needed. Paine suggested an excerpt from the first part of the text, but questioned the suitability of the second part, writing queries in the margins and bracketing several passages to suggest omission. Clemens then revised TS2, but stopped after the first passage that Paine had queried (which was also circled in blue on TS1, at 271.3–5). The rest of the text was canceled in pencil. Hobby copied the selected portion of the text in TS3, which include excerpts about Clemens’s dream of his brother Henry from the ADs of 13 January and 15 January 1906. Clemens revised TS3 further to serve as printer’s copy for NAR 16 (see Contents and Pagination of TS3, Batch 4). Collation reveals a substantive change between TS3 and NAR 16 that is deemed an authorial revision on the lost NAR 16pf: ‘smoked’ was altered to ‘bought’ (at 269.19); the NAR reading has been adopted here. Clemens’s notes on TS2 and TS3 indicate his general dissatisfaction with the material.


Marginal Notes on TS2 and TS3 Concerning Publication in the NAR

Location on TS Writer, Medium Exact Inscription Explanation
TS2, p. 199 SLC, ink None of this is printable while I am alive. It is too personal. I have marked out a lot of it, & am sorry. Leave it till I am dead, then print all of it some day. SLC.  
TS2, p. 199 SLC, pencil USE ONLY THE DREAM end the excerpt after the reference to dreams at ‘serene way.’ (270.40).
TS2, p. 199 Hobby, pencil Auto— Part  
TS2, p. 199 Paine, pencil Monday Evening Club | Begin page 201 | Abt. 8 pp “The Dream.” | 199 to 242 | Part begin the excerpt at ‘I am’ (268.32); pp. 199–242 contain excerpts from the ADs of 12, 13, and 15 Jan 1906
TS2, pp. 199–202 Paine, blue pencil Copied for use text canceled from the beginning to the bottom of p. 202  
TS2, p. 201 Paine, blue and black pencil begin begin the excerpt at ‘I am’ (268.32)
TS2, p. 202 Paine, pencil stet include the text canceled in blue pencil on pp. 201–2, ‘I am’ to ‘Monday Evening Club still exists.’ (268.32–269.3)
TS2, pp. 204–5 Paine, blue pencil pages marked in the margins possibly omit the text from ‘ones, and’ to ‘enjoy them.’ (269.19–33)
TS2, pp. 208–14 Paine, blue and black pencil pages marked and and queried in the margins, and the text canceled omit the text from ‘The late’ (270.40) to the end
TS2, p. 208 Paine, blue pencil skip to page resume the excerpt at the start of AD, 13 Jan 1906
TS2, pp. 209–10 Paine, pencil passage bracketed possibly omit the text from ‘You could’ to ‘wasn’t any.’ (271.17–20)
TS2, p, 210 Paine, pencil passage bracketed possibly omit the text from ‘It was’ to ‘never did.’ (271.22–23)
TS2, pp. 210–12 Paine, pencil passage bracketed possibly omit the text from ‘Then his’ to ‘and gratitude.’ (271.31–272.5)
TS2, p. 214 Paine, pencil passage bracketed possibly omit the text from ‘yet it’ to ‘or Perkins’ (272.34–36)
TS3, p. 1 SLC, ink, canceled in ink This can be destroyed. I have revised the duplicate for the Review | This can be destroyed. I have corrected the duplicate for the Review | SLC no carbon copy (duplicate) has been found; the revised ribbon copy was printer’s copy for the NAR
TS3, p. 1 SLC, ink, canceled in ink I don’t much like this instalment. Jan. 13/07  
TS3, p. 1 SLC, ink, canceled in ink It cannot be Jan 13 ’97 SLC was confused by the way he had written ‘Jan. 13/07’
TS3, p. 1 Paine, pencil, canceled in ink question | Dodge | Goodwin  
TS3, p. 1 SLC, ink Begin here. | BEGIN here begin the excerpt at ‘I am’ (268.32)
TS3, p. 1 SLC, ink STOP at bottom of p. 18. | 8½ or 9 Review pages. end the excerpt at ‘weeks before.’ (AD, 15 Jan 1906, 277.35)
TS3, p. 1 unidentified NAR editor, pencil 1885 | 1868  

This talk about Mr. Whittier’s seventieth birthday reminds me that my own seventieth arrived recently—that is to say, it arrived on the 30th of November, but Colonelapparatus note Harveyexplanatory note was not able to celebrate it on that date because that date had been preempted by the President to be used asapparatus note Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful [begin page 268] for—annually, not oftener—if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man’s side, consequently on the Lord’s side, consequently it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments. The original reason for a Thanksgiving Day has long ago ceased to exist—the Indians have long ago been comprehensively and satisfactorily exterminated and the account closed with Heaven,apparatus note with the thanks due. But, from old habit, Thanksgiving Day has remained with us, and every year the President of the United States and the Governors of all the several Statesapparatus note and the territories set themselves the task, every November, to advertise forapparatus note something to be thankful for, and then they put those thanks into a few crisp and reverent phrases, in the form of a Proclamation, and this is read from all the pulpits in the land, the national conscience is wiped clean with one swipe, and sin is resumedapparatus note at the old stand.

The President and the Governors had to have my birthday—the 30th—for Thanksgiving Dayexplanatory note, and this was a great inconvenience to Colonelapparatus note Harvey, who had made much preparation for a banquet to be given to me on that day in celebration of the fact that it marked my seventieth escape from the gallows, according to his idea—a fact which he regarded with favor and contemplated with pleasure, because he is my publisher and commercially interested. He went to Washington to try to get the President to select another day for the national Thanksgiving, and I furnished him with arguments to use which I thought persuasive and convincing, arguments which ought to persuade him even to put off Thanksgiving Day a whole year—on the ground that nothing had happened during the previous twelvemonthapparatus note except several vicious and inexcusable warsexplanatory note, and King Leopold of Belgium’s usual annual slaughters and robberies in the Congo Stateexplanatory note, together with the Insurance revelations in New Yorkexplanatory note, which seemed to establish the fact that if there was an honest man left in the United States, there was only one, and we wanted to celebrate his seventieth birthday. But the Colonel came back unsuccessful, and put my birthday celebration off to the 5th of Decemberexplanatory note.apparatus note

I had twice as good a time at this seventieth, as I had had at Mr. Whittier’s seventieth, twenty-eight years earlier. In the speech which I made were concealed many factsexplanatory note. I expected everybody to discount those facts 95 per centapparatus note and that is probably what happened. That does not trouble me, I amapparatus note used to having my statements discounted. My mother had begunapparatus note it before I was seven years old. Yetapparatus note all through my lifeapparatus note my facts have had a substratum of truth, and therefore they were not without preciousness.apparatus note Any person who is familiar with me knows how to strike my average, and therefore knows how to get at the jewel of any fact of mine and dig it out of its blue-clay matrix. My mother knew that art. When I was seven or eight, or ten, or twelve years old—along there—a neighbor said to her,apparatus note “Doapparatus note you ever believe anything that that boy says?” Myapparatus note mother saidapparatus note “Heapparatus note is the wellspringapparatus note of truth, but you can’t bring up the whole well with one bucket”—and she added,apparatus note “I know his average, therefore he never deceives me. I discount him 30apparatus note per centapparatus note for embroidery, and what is left is perfect and priceless truth, without a flaw in it anywhere.”

Now to make a jump of forty years, without breaking the connection: that word “embroidery”apparatus note [begin page 269] was used again in my presence and concerning me, when I was fifty years old, one night at Reverendapparatus note Frank Goodwin’s house in Hartford, at a meeting of the Monday Evening Club. The Monday Evening Club still exists. It was founded about forty-five years ago by that theological giant, Rev. Dr. Bushnell,apparatus note and some comrades of his, men of largeapparatus note intellectual calibre and more or less distinction, local or national. I was admitted to membership in it in the fall of 1871 and was an active member thenceforth until I left Hartford in the summer of 1891explanatory note. The membership was restricted, in those days, to eighteen—possibly twenty. The meetings began about the 1st of October and were held in the private houses of the members every fortnight thereafter throughout the cold months until the 1st of May. Usually there were a dozen members present—sometimes as many as fifteen. There was an essay and a discussion. The essayists followed each other in alphabetical order through the season. The essayist could choose his own subject and talk twenty minutes on it, from manuscriptapparatus note or orally, according to his preference. Then the discussion followed, and each member present was allowed ten minutes in which to express his views. The wives of these people were always present. It was their privilege. It was also their privilege to keep still; theyapparatus note were not allowed to throw any light upon the discussionexplanatory note. After the discussion there was a supper, and talk, and cigars. This supper began at ten o’clock promptly, and the company broke up and went away at midnight. At least they did except upon one occasion. In my recentapparatus note Birthday speech I remarkedapparatus note upon the fact that I have always bought cheap cigars, and that is true. I have never boughtapparatus note costly ones, and whenever I go to a rich man’s house to dinner I conceal cheap cigars about my person, as a protection against his costly ones. There are enough costly Havanaapparatus note cigars in myapparatus note house to start a considerable cigar shop with, but I did not buy one of them—I doubt if I have ever smoked one of them. They are Christmas presents from wealthy and ignorantapparatus note friends, extending back for a long series of years. Among the lot,apparatus note I found, the other day, a double-handful of J. Pierpontapparatus note Morgan’s cigars, which were given to me three years ago by his particular friend, the late William E. Dodge, one night when I was at dinner in Mr. Dodge’s houseexplanatory note. Mr. Dodge did not smoke, and so he supposed that those were super-excellent cigars, because they were made for Mr. Morgan in Havana out of special tobacco and cost $1.66 apiece. Now whenever I buy a cigar that costs six cents I am suspicious of it. When it costs four and a quarterapparatus note or five cents I smoke it with confidence. I carried those sumptuous cigars home, after smoking one of them at Mr. Dodge’s houseapparatus note to show that I had no animosity, and here they lie ever since. Theyapparatus note cannot beguile me. I am waiting for somebodyapparatus note to come along whose lack of education will enable him to smoke themapparatus note and enjoy them.apparatus note

Well, that night at the Clubapparatus note —as I was saying—apparatus note George, our colored butlerexplanatory note, came to me when the supper was nearly over, and I noticed that he was pale. Normally his complexion was a clear black, and very handsome, but now it had modified to old amber. He said,

“Mr. Clemens,apparatus note what are we going to do? There is not a cigar in the house but those old Wheeling long ninesexplanatory note.apparatus note Can’t nobody smoke them but you. They kill at thirty yards. It is too late to telephone—we couldn’t get any cigars out from town—what can we do? Ain’t it best to say nothing, and let on that we didn’t think?”apparatus note

“No”apparatus note I said, “that would not be honest. Fetch out the long nines”apparatus note—which he did.

I had just come across those “long nines” a few days or a week before. I hadn’t seen a long [begin page 270] nineapparatus note for years. When I was a cub pilot on the Mississippiapparatus note in the late ’50sexplanatory note,apparatus note I had had a great affection for them, because they were not only—to my mind—apparatus noteperfect, but you could get a basketful of them for a cent—or a dime, they didn’t use cents out thereapparatus note in those days. So when I saw them advertised in Hartford I sent for a thousand at once. They were sentapparatus note out to me in badly battered and disreputable-looking old square pasteboard boxes, twoapparatus note hundred in a box. George brought theapparatus note box, which wasapparatus note caved in on all sides, looking the worst it could, and began to pass them around. The conversation had been brilliantly animated up to that moment—but now aapparatus note frost fell upon the company. That is to say, not all of a sudden, but the frost fell upon each man as he took up a cigarapparatus note andapparatus note held it poised in the air—apparatus noteand there, in the middle, his sentence broke off. Thatapparatus note kind of thingapparatus note went onapparatus note all around the table, until when George had completed his crime the whole place was full of a thick solemnity and silence.

Those men began to light the cigars. Rev. Dr. Parkerexplanatory note was the first man to light. He took three or four heroic whiffs—thenapparatus note gave it up. He got up with the remarkapparatus note that he had to go to the bedside of a dying parishioner, which I knew was a lie, because if that had been the truth he would have gone earlier.apparatus note He started out. Rev. Dr. Burtonexplanatory note was the next man. He took only one whiff, andapparatus note followed Parker. He furnished a pretext, and you could see by the sound of his voice that he didn’t think much of the pretext, and was vexed with Parker for getting in ahead with a dyingapparatus note client. Rev. Mr. Twichellapparatus note explanatory note followed, with a good hearty pretext—nothing in it, and he didn’t expect anybody to find anything in it, but Twichell is always more or less honest, to this day, and it cost him nothing to say thatapparatus note he had to go now because he must take the midnight train for Boston. Boston was the first place that occurred to him—he would have said Jerusalem if he had thought of it.apparatus note

It was only a quarter to eleven when they began to distributeapparatus note pretexts. At tenapparatus note minutes to eleven all those people were out of the house, and praying, no doubt, that the pretext might be overlooked, in consideration of the circumstances.apparatus note When nobody was left but George and me I was cheerful—Iapparatus note had no compunctions of conscience, no griefs of any kind. But George was beyond speech, because he held the honor and credit of the family above his own, and he was ashamed that this smirch had been put upon it. I told him to go to bed and try to sleep it off. I went to bed myself. At breakfast in the morning when George was takingapparatus note a cup of coffee from Mrs. Clemens’s hand,apparatus note I saw it tremble in his hand. I knew by that sign thatapparatus note there was something on his mind. He brought the cupapparatus note to me and asked impressively,

“Mr.apparatus note Clemens, how far is it from the front door to the upper gate?”

Iapparatus note saidapparatus note “It is aapparatus note hundred and twenty-five steps.”

Heapparatus note saidapparatus note “Mr. Clemens, youapparatus note can start at the front door and you can go plumb to the upper gate and tread on one of them cigars every timeexplanatory note.”apparatus note

Now by this roundabout and gradual excursion I have arrived at that meeting of the Club at Reverendapparatus note Frank Goodwin’s house which I spoke of a while back, and where that same word was used in my presence, and to me, which I mentioned as having been used by my mother as much as forty years before.apparatus note The subject under discussionapparatus note was Dreams. The talk passed from mouth to mouth in the usual serene way. The late Charles Dudley Warner delivered his views in the smooth and pleasantly flowing fashion which he had learned in his early manhood when he was an apprentice to the legal profession. He always spoke pleasingly, always smoothly, always [begin page 271] choicely, never excitedly, never aggressively, always kindly, gently, and always with a lambent and playful and inconspicuous thread of humor appearing and disappearing along through his talk, like the tinted lights in an opal. To my thinking, there was never much body to what he said, never much juice in it; never anything very substantial to carry away and think about, yet it was always a pleasure to listen to him.apparatus note Always his art was graceful and charming. Then came the late Colonelapparatus note Greene, who had been a distinguished soldier in the Civil Warapparatus note, and who at the time that I speak of was high up in the Connecticut Mutual and on his way to become its President presentlyexplanatory note, and in time to die in that harness and leave behind him a blemishless reputation, at a time when the chiefs of the New York insurance companiesapparatus note were approaching the eternal doom of their reputations. Colonelapparatus note Greene discussed the Dream question in his usual way—that is to say, he began a sentence and went on and on, dropping a comma in here and there at intervals of eighteen inches, never hesitating for a word, drifting straight along like a river at half bank with no reefs in it; the surface of his talk as smooth as a mirror; his construction perfect, and fit for print without correction, as he went along. And when the hammer fell, at the end of his ten minutes,apparatus note he dumped in a period right where he was and stopped—and it was just as good there as it would have been anywhere else in that ten minutes’apparatus note sentence. You could look back over that speech and you’d find it dimly milestoned along with those commas which he had put in and which could have been left out just as well, because they merely stakedapparatus note out the march, and nothing more. They could not call attention to the scenery, because there wasn’t any. His speech was always like that—perfectly smooth, perfectly constructed; and when he had finished, no listener could go into court and tell what it was he had said. It was a curious style. It was impressive—you always thought, from one comma to another, that he was going to strike something presently, but he never did. But this time that I speak of, the burly and magnificent Rev. Dr. Burton sat with his eyes fixed upon Greene from the beginning of the sentence until the end of it. He looked as the lookout on a whaleship might look who was watching where a whale had gone down and was waiting and watching for it to reappear; and no doubt that was the figure that was in Burton’s mind, because when at last Greene finished, Burton threw up his hands and shouted “There she blows!”

The elder Hamersleyapparatus note took his appointed ten minutes, easily, comfortably, with good phrasing, and most entertainingly—and this was always to be expected of the elder Hamersleyapparatus note.

Then his son, Will Hamersleyapparatus note, a young lawyer, now this many years a Judge of the Connecticut Supreme Courtexplanatory note, took his chance in the Dream question. And I can’t imagine anything more distressing than a talk from Will Hamersleyapparatus note—a talk from the Will Hamersleyapparatus note of those daysapparatus note. You always knew that before he got through he would certainly say something—something that you could carry away, something that you could consider, something that you couldn’t easily put out of your mind. But you also knew that you would suffer many a torture before he got that thing out. He would hesitate and hesitateapparatus note, get to the middle of a sentence and search around and around and around for a word, get the wrong word, search again, get another wrong one, search again and again—and so he would go on in that way till everybody was in misery on his account, hoping that he would arrive in the course of time, and yet sinking deeper and deeper toward despair, with the conviction that this time he was not going to arrive. He would seem to get so far away from any possible goal that you would feel convinced that [begin page 272] he could not cover the intervening space and get there before his ten minutes would come to an end and leave him suspended between heaven and earth. But, sure as a gun, before that ten minutes ended Will Hamersleyapparatus note would arrive at his point and fetch it out with such a round and complete and handsome and satisfying unostentatious crash that you would be lifted out of your chair with admiration and gratitude.

Joeapparatus note Twichellapparatus note sometimes took his turn. If he talked, it was easily perceptible that it was because he had something to say, and he was always able to say it well. But almost as a rule, he said nothing, and gave his ten minutes to the next man—and whenever he gave it to Charles E. Perkinsapparatus note explanatory note he ran the risk of getting lynched on his way home by the rest of the membership. Charles E. Perkinsapparatus note was the dullest white man in Connecticut—and he probably remains that to this day; I have not heard of any real competitor. Perkins would moon along, and moon along, and moon along, using the most commonplace, the most dreary, the most degraded English, with never an idea in it by any chance. But he never gave his ten minutes to anybody. He always used it up to the last second. Then there was always a little gap—had to be for the crowd to recover before the next man could begin. Perkins, when he would get entirely lost in his talk and didn’t know where he was in his idiotic philosophizings, would grasp at narrative, as the drowning man grasps at a straw. If a drowning man ever does that—which I doubt.apparatus note Then he would tell something in his experiences, thinking perhaps it had something to do with the question in hand. It generally hadn’t—and this time he told about a long and arduous and fatiguing chase which he had had in the Maine woods on a hot summer’s day, after some kind of a wild animal that he wanted to kill, and how at last, chasing eagerly after this creature across a wide stream, he slipped and fell on the ice, and injured his leg—whereupon a silence and confusion. Perkins noticed that something was wrong, and then it occurred to him that there was a kind of discrepancy in hunting animals on the ice in summertime, so he switchedapparatus note off to theology. He always did that.apparatus note apparatus note He was a rabid Christian, and member of Joe Twichell’sapparatus note church. Joe Twichellapparatus note could get together the most impossible Christians that ever assembled in anybody’s congregation; and as a usual thing he couldn’t run his church systematically on account of new deaconsapparatus note who didn’t understand the business—the recent deacons having joined their predecessors in the Penitentiary down there at Wethersfieldexplanatory note. Perkinsapparatus note would wind up with some very pious remarks—and in fact they all did that. Take the whole crowd—the crowd that was almost always present—and this remark applies to them. There was J. Hammond Trumbull, the most learned man in the United Statesexplanatory note. He knew everything—everything in detail that had ever happened in this world, and a lot that was going to happen, and a lot that couldn’t ever possibly happen. He was thoroughly posted, and yet if there was a prize offeredapparatus note for the man that could put up the most uninteresting ten minutes’ talk, you wouldn’t know whether to bet on him or onapparatus note Perkins—he would close with some piety.apparatus note Henry C. Robinson—Governor Henry C. Robinsonexplanatory noteapparatus notea brilliant man, a most polished and effective and eloquent speaker, an easy speaker, a speaker who had no difficulties to encounter in delivering himself—always closed with some piety. A. C. Dunham, a man really great in his line—that is to say the commercial line—a great manufacturer, an enterprising manapparatus note, a capitalistexplanatory note, a most competent and fascinating talker, a man who never opened his mouth without a stream of practical pearls flowing from it—he always closed with some piety—

Revisions, Variants Adopted or Rejected, and Textual Notes January 12, 1906
  January 12, 1906 ●  Jan. 12, 1906. (TS1)  Jan. 12, 1905. | Auto. Part the erroneous year was corrected in pencil, probably post-1906 (TS2-Hobby)  Autobiography. | Part | Dictated Jan. 12, 1905. (TS3-SLC)  Dictated January 12th, 1905. followed immediately by the NAR text beginning ‘. . . But’; see the entry for ‘I am’ at 268.32 (NAR 16) 
  Colonel ●  Col. (TS1, TS2) 
  as ●  as the usual and perfunctory (TS1)  as the usual and perfunctory  (TS2-SLC) 
  Heaven, ●  the Lord, (TS1)  the Lord, Heaven,  (TS2-SLC) 
  States ●  states (TS1, TS2) 
  advertise for ●  hunt up (TS1)  hunt up advertise for  (TS2-SLC) 
  is resumed ●  begins is resumed  (TS1-SLC)  is resumed (TS2) 
  Colonel ●  Col. (TS1, TS2) 
  twelvemonth ●  twelve-month (TS1, TS2) 
  December. ●  December. | indented: (Here paste in the proceedings of the Birthday Banquet). (TS1, TS2) 
  per cent ●  per cent. (TS1, TS2) 
  I am ●  I am (TS1, TS2)  . . . . But I am (TS3-SLC)  . . . But I am text begins after the dateline with no new paragraph: see the entry for the title  (NAR 16) 
  had begun ●  had begun (TS1)  had begun began  (TS2-Paine)  began (TS3, NAR 16) 
  Yet ●  But, (TS1, TS2)  But, Yet  (TS3-SLC)  Yet (NAR 16) 
  life ●  life, (TS1, TS2)  life,  (TS3-SLC)  life (NAR 16) 
  preciousness. ●  value. (TS1, TS2)  value. preciousness.  (TS3-SLC)  preciousness. (NAR 16) 
  her, ●  my mother her,  (TS1-SLC)  her, (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  no “Do ●  no “Do (TS1)  “Do (TS2-Paine)  “Do (TS3, NAR 16) 
  no My ●  no My (TS1)  My (TS2-Paine)  My (TS3, NAR 16) 
  said ●  said (TS1)  said,  (TS2-Paine)  said, (TS3, NAR 16) 
  no “He ●  no “He (TS1)  “He (TS2-Paine)  “He (TS3, NAR 16) 
  wellspring ●  wellspring (TS1, TS2, TS3)  well-spring (NAR 16) 
  added, ●  added,  (TS1-SLC)  added, (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  30 ●  90 (TS1, TS2)  90 30 thirty SLC altered ‘90’ to ‘30’ and Munro revised it to ‘thirty’  (TS3-SLC + Munro)  thirty (NAR 16) 
  per cent ●  per cent. (TS1, TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  connection: that word “embroidery” ●  connection, one of those words (TS1, TS2)  connection, one of those words : that word “embroidery”  (TS3-SLC)  connection: that word “embroidery” (NAR 16) 
  Reverend ●  Rev. (TS1, TS2, NAR 16)  the Rev. (TS3-Munro) 
  Bushnell, ●  Bushnell,  (TS1-SLC)  Bushnell, (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  large ●  large  (TS1-SLC)  large (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  manuscript ●  MS. (TS1, TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  still; they ●  still. They (TS1, TS2)  still. T ; they (TS3-SLC)  still; they (NAR 16) 
  recent ●  not in  (TS1)  recent  (TS2-SLC)  recent (TS3, NAR 16) 
  remarked ●  have remarked (TS1)  have remarked (TS2-SLC)  remarked (TS3, NAR 16) 
  bought ●  smoked (TS1, TS2, TS3)  bought (NAR 16) 
  Havana ●  Havana (TS1, TS3)  Hanava (TS2) 
  my ●  this my  (TS1-SLC)  my (TS2, TS3) 
  ignorant ●  ignorant (TS1)  ignorant bracketed and ‘uninformed’ interlined above  (TS2-Paine)  uninformed (TS3) 
  lot, ●  lot,  (TS1-SLC)  lot, (TS2, TS3) 
  Pierpont ●  Pierrepont (TS1, TS2, TS3) 
  four and a quarter ●  four and a quarter (TS1)  four-and-a-quarter (TS2, TS3) 
  house ●  house,  (TS1-SLC)  house (TS2, TS3) 
  They ●  They  (TS1-Hobby)  They (TS2, TS3) 
  somebody ●  somebody else  (TS1-SLC)  somebody (TS2, TS3) 
  smoke them ●  smoke them (TS1, TS2)  smoke (TS3) 
  ones, and . . . them. ●  ones, and . . . them. (TS1)  ones, . and . . . them. Paine marked the text in the margin from ‘and’ to ‘them.’ in blue pencil to suggest omission; SLC deleted the text and altered the comma after ‘ones’ to a period but did not delete the passage  (TS2-Paine + SLC)  ones, . and . . . them.  (TS3-SLC)  ones. (NAR 16) 
  Club ●  Club (TS1)  Club meeting  (TS2-Paine)  Club meeting (TS3, NAR 16) 
  —as I was saying— ●  —as I was speaking of, saying—  (TS1-SLC)  —as I was saying— (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  said, “Mr. Clemens, ●  said no “Mr. Clemens (TS1)  said “Mr. Clemens (TS2-SLC)  said: “Mr. Clemens,  (TS3-Munro)  said: “Mr. Clemens, (NAR 16) 
  Wheeling long nines. ●  Virginia, Wheeling, “long nines.” (TS1-SLC)  Wheeling long nines.  (TS2-SLC)  Wheeling long nines. Hobby, probably confused by SLC’s marking on TS2, typed no quotation marks  (TS3-SLC)  Wheeling long nines. (NAR 16) 
  think?” ●  think?  (TS1-SLC)  think?” (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  “No” ●  no “No” (TS1)  “No” (TS2-SLC)  “No,” (TS3-Munro)  “No,” (NAR 16) 
  long nines” ●  “long nines” (TS1)  long nines SLC canceled both quotation marks, then reinscribed the necessary closing ones  (TS2-SLC)  long nines Hobby, probably confused by SLC’s marking on TS2, typed no quotation marks  (TS3-SLC)  long nines” (NAR 16) 
  long nine ●  “long nine” (TS1)  long nine  (TS2-SLC)  long nine (TS3, NAR 16) 
  Mississippi ●  Misissippi (TS1)  Mississippi (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  ’50s, ●  ’60’s, (TS1, TS2)  ’60’s, ’50’s,  (TS3-SLC)  ’50’s, (NAR 16) 
  only—to my mind— ●  only, to my mind,  (TS1-SLC)  only—to my mind— (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  out there ●  out there  (TS1-SLC)  out there (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  were sent ●  were sent (TS1)  were sent came Paine bracketed ‘were sent’ in pencil and interlined ‘came’; SLC deleted ‘were sent’ and accepted his suggestion by inserting a caret  (TS2-Paine + SLC)  came (TS3, NAR 16) 
  two ●  about two (TS1, TS2)  about two (TS3-SLC)  two (NAR 16) 
  the ●  the (TS1)  the a Paine bracketed ‘the’ in pencil and interlined ‘a’; SLC deleted ‘the’ and accepted his suggestion by inserting a caret  (TS2-Paine + SLC)  a (TS3, NAR 16) 
  was ●  had (TS1, TS2)  had was  (TS3-SLC)  was (NAR 16) 
  but now a ●  and a but now a  (TS1-SLC)  but now a (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  cigar ●  cigar,  (TS1-SLC)  cigar,  (TS2-SLC)  cigar (TS3, NAR 16) 
  and ●  and,  (TS1-SLC)  and (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  air— ●  air,  (TS1-SLC)  air— (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  That ●  And that (TS1)  And t That (TS2-SLC)  That (TS3, NAR 16) 
  kind of thing ●  kind of thing  (TS1-SLC)  kind of thing (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  on ●  not in  (TS1)  on  (TS2-SLC)  on (TS3, NAR 16) 
  then ●  then  (TS1-SLC)  then (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  remark ●  excuse (TS1)  excuse remark  (TS2-SLC)  remark (TS3, NAR 16) 
  dying . . . earlier. ●  dying . . . earlier. (TS1)  dying sick parishioner, . which I knew was a lie, subterfuge because if that had been the truth he would have gone earlier. Paine bracketed ‘lie’ in pencil and interlined ‘subterfuge’; SLC revised to ‘sick parishioner.’ and deleted ‘subterfuge’  (TS2-Paine + SLC)  sick parishioner. (TS3, NAR 16) 
  and ●  and he  (TS1-SLC)  and (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  a dying ●  a dying (TS1)  a dying an ailing  (TS2-SLC)  an fictitious ailing (TS3-SLC)  a fictitious ailing (NAR 16) 
  Mr. Twichell ●  Joe Twitchell (TS1-SLC)  Joe Mr. Twichell (TS2-SLC)  Mr. Twichell (TS3, NAR 16) 
  with . . . Twichell . . . that ●  with . . . Twitchell . . . that (TS1-SLC)  with . . . Twichell . . . that and said  (TS2-SLC)  and said (TS3, NAR 16) 
  him— . . . it. ●  him— . . . it. (TS1)  him— . . . it. I suppose.  (TS2-SLC)  him, I suppose. (TS3-Munro)  him, I suppose. (NAR 16) 
  distribute ●  hand out (TS1)  hand out distribute  (TS2-SLC)  distribute (TS3, NAR 16) 
  ten ●  five (TS1, TS2)  five ten  (TS3-SLC)  ten (NAR 16) 
  house, and . . . circumstances. ●  house, and . . . circumstances. (TS1)  house, . and . . . circumstances.  (TS2-SLC)  house. (TS3, NAR 16) 
  I ●  I was glad— (TS1)  I was glad—  (TS2-SLC)  I (TS3, NAR 16) 
  taking ●  taking (TS1)  taking passing  (TS2-SLC)  passing (TS3, NAR 16) 
  coffee from Mrs. Clemens’s hand, ●  coffee from Mrs. Clemens’s hand, (TS1)  coffee, from Mrs. Clemens’s hand,  (TS2-SLC)  coffee, (TS3, NAR 16) 
  that ●  not in  (TS1)  that  (TS2-SLC)  that (TS3, NAR 16) 
  the cup ●  it the cup  (TS1-SLC)  the cup (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  “Mr. ●  no “Mr. (TS1)  “Mr. (TS2-SLC)  “Mr. (TS3, NAR 16) 
  I ●  no I (TS1)  I (TS2-SLC)  I (TS3, NAR 16) 
  said ●  said (TS1, TS2)  said,  (TS3-Munro)  said, (NAR 16) 
  a ●  one (TS1)  one a  (TS2-SLC)  a (TS3, NAR 16) 
  He ●  no He (TS1)  He (TS2-SLC)  He (TS3, NAR 16) 
  said ●  said (TS1, TS2)  said,  (TS3-Munro)  said, (NAR 16) 
  you ●  you know, you (TS1-Hobby)  you know, you (TS2-SLC)  you (TS3, NAR 16) 
  time.” ●  time.  (TS1-SLC)  time.” (TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  Reverend ●  Rev. (TS1, TS2, TS3, NAR 16) 
  Now . . . back, and . . . before. ●  Now . . . back, and . . . before. (TS1)  Now . . . back, and . . . before.  (TS2-SLC)  Now . . . back. It wasn’t true in detail, but in essentials it was. “leave out” written in the margin next to the deleted words  (TS3-SLC)  It wasn’t true in detail, but in essentials it was. (NAR 16) 
  discussion ●  discussion (TS1, TS2)  discussion on the night in question  (TS3-SLC)  discussion on the night in question (NAR 16) 
  To . . . him. ●  To . . . him. circled in blue pencil to indicate a temporary suppression  (TS1-SLC)  To . . . him. bracketed and queried by Paine, then deleted by SLC  (TS2-Paine + SLC) 
  Colonel ●  Col. (TS1, TS2) 
  Civil War ●  civil war (TS1, TS2) 
  insurance companies ●  Insurance Companies (TS1, TS2) 
  Colonel ●  Col. (TS1, TS2) 
  minutes, ●  minutes,  (TS1-SLC)  minutes, (TS2) 
  ten minutes’ ●  ten-minutes’ (TS1, TS2) 
  staked ●  marked staked  (TS1-SLC)  staked (TS2) 
  Hamersley ●  Hammersley (TS1, TS2) 
  Hamersley ●  Hammersley (TS1, TS2) 
  Hamersley ●  Hammersley (TS1, TS2) 
  Hamersley ●  Hammersley (TS1, TS2) 
  Hamersley ●  Hammersley (TS1, TS2) 
  of those days  ●  of those days ‘of those days’ underscored  (TS1-SLC)  of those days  (TS2) 
  hesitate and hesitate ●  hesitate and hesitate (TS1)  hesitate (TS2) 
  Hamersley ●  Hammersley (TS1, TS2) 
  Joe ●  Joe (TS1-SLC)  Joe (TS2) 
  Twichell ●  Twitchell (TS1-SLC)  Twichell (TS2) 
  Charles E. Perkins ●  Charles E. Perkins [Nevermindwho], alternative reading inserted and canceled in ink  (TS1-SLC)  Charles E. Perkins (TS2) 
  Charles E. Perkins ●  Charles E. Perkins Nevermindwho alternative reading inserted and canceled in ink  (TS1-SLC)  Charles E. Perkins (TS2) 
  If . . . doubt. ●  If . . . doubt.  (TS1-SLC)  If . . doubt. (TS2) 
  switched ●  switched it  (TS1)  switched (TS2) 
  that. ●  that. Then there was—Wellnevermindwho.  (TS1-SLC)  that. (TS2) 
  man—and . . . that. ●  man.and . . . that. canceled words circled in blue pencil to indicate a temporary suppression  (TS1-SLC)  man—and . . . that. Paine wrote a bracket before ‘and’, perhaps to suggest the omission of a passage, but he wrote no closing bracket  (TS2-Paine) 
  Twichell’s ●  Twitchell’s (TS1-SLC)  Twichell’s (TS2) 
  Twichell ●  Twitchell (TS1-SLC)  Twichell (TS2) 
  deacons ●  deacons,  (TS1-SLC)  deacons (TS2) 
  Perkins ●  Perkins Wellnevermindwho circled in blue pencil to indicate a temporary suppression; blue pencil erased and alternative reading inserted and then deleted in ink  (TS1-SLC)  Perkins (TS2) 
  offered ●  up offered  (TS1-SLC)  offered (TS2) 
  on ●  on (TS1)  not in  (TS2) 
  He . . . piety. ●  He . . . piety. circled in blue pencil to indicate a temporary suppression; SLC also drew an ink line from the word before the passage to the word after it, suggesting omission  (TS1-SLC)  He . . . piety. (TS2) 
  Robinson— ●  Robinson,  (TS1-SLC)  Robinson— (TS2) 
  man ●  me an (TS1-SLC)  man (TS2) 
Explanatory Notes January 12, 1906
 

title January 12, 1906] The first page of this dictation is reproduced in facsimile in the Introduction (figure 15).

 

Colonel Harvey] George Brinton McClellan Harvey (1864–1928) worked as a reporter for the Springfield (Mass.) Republican and the Chicago News before he became managing editor of Pulitzer’s New York World while still in his twenties. He made a very large fortune building electric railways, and in 1899 he purchased the venerable North American Review and became its editor. The following year he became president of the financially troubled Harper and Brothers, and in 1901 he also became editor of Harper’s Weekly. It was he who negotiated with Clemens and Rogers to secure the 1903 contract that gave Harper essentially exclusive rights to everything Clemens wrote or had written. In an interview published on 3 March 1907 by the Washington Post Harvey identified Clemens as the best-paid writer in the United States, thanks to this contract, which guaranteed payment for “everything he wrote, whether it was printed or thrown away” (“Mark Twain’s Exclusive Publisher Tells What the Humorist Is Paid,” A12). His title of “Colonel” was civilian rather than military, and was the rank he held from 1885 to 1892 as an aide-de-camp on New Jersey gubernatorial staffs ( HHR, 513 n. 2).

 

President and the Governors had to have my birthday—the 30th—for Thanksgiving Day] In 1789 George Washington created the first nationally designated Thanksgiving Day, held on 26 November that year. Subsequently, the holiday was appointed by presidential and gubernatorial proclamation, but irregularly and not on a uniform date. In 1863, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed that a national Thanksgiving Day henceforth would be celebrated on the last Thursday in November, which in 1905 was the fifth Thursday, and also Clemens’s birthday. In 1939 Franklin D. Roosevelt changed the date to the third Thursday of November, and in 1941 Congress passed legislation definitively establishing Thanksgiving as the fourth Thursday in November.

 

several vicious and inexcusable wars] In addition to the Russian Revolution (see AD, 10 Jan 1906, note at 257.18–21), Clemens doubtless alludes to the Russo-Japanese War and possibly to uprisings in Yemen, Crete, the French Congo, and German East Africa (Tanzania), all in 1904–5.

 

King Leopold . . . slaughters and robberies in the Congo State] Leopold II (1835–1909) had been king of Belgium since 1865. Between 1878 and 1884, with the help of explorer Henry M. Stanley, he had personally acquired treaty rights to a vast section of central Africa (now the Democratic Republic of the Congo), which he organized into the Congo Free State and then, over the next decade, brought under his ruthless control. He ruled it as his private commercial empire, enriching himself while exploiting and brutalizing the Africans compelled to work for the mining and rubber companies that were his concessionaires. Clemens’s scathing satire, King Leopold’s Soliloquy, written in 1905, helped bring these cruelties under scrutiny (SLC 1905a). In 1908 Leopold was forced to relinquish control of the Congo Free State to the Belgian government.

 

Insurance revelations in New York] See the Autobiographical Dictation of 10 January 1906.

 

birthday celebration . . . 5th of December] The lavish banquet to commemorate Clemens’s birthday was held at Delmonico’s restaurant in New York. Following this paragraph he dictated the instruction “(Here paste in the proceedings of the Birthday Banquet).” This was not done in any of the later typescripts, however, where the instruction was merely retranscribed. The “proceedings,” including photographs of the guests as well as texts of the speeches and other tributes, filled thirty-two pages in the 23 December 1905 “Mark Twain’s Birthday Souvenir Number” of Harper’s Weekly (SLC 1905g). In his Autobiographical Dictation of 16 December 1908, Clemens again noted, “I think I will insert here (if I have not inserted it in some earlier chapter of this autobiography) the grand account of the banquet.” A facsimile of the publication is available at MTPO.

 

In the speech which I made were concealed many facts] Clemens’s speech is reprinted in the Appendix “Speech at the Seventieth Birthday Dinner, 5 December 1905,”, pp. 657–61.

 

when I was fifty . . . 1891] The Hartford Monday Evening Club held its first meeting on 18 January 1869. Horace Bushnell (1802–76), the minister of Hartford’s North Church of Christ (later Park Congregational Church) from 1833 to 1859 and the author of numerous important theological works, was the prime mover in the club’s creation. The constitution adopted in February 1869 set the membership at twenty. Despite Clemens’s recollection, the essayists did not regularly follow each other in alphabetical order. Clemens became a member in 1873 and continued on the membership roll until his death in 1910, although he ceased to attend meetings after the family left Hartford in June 1891. The Reverend Francis Goodwin (1839–1923), a prominent Protestant Episcopal clergyman who served several Hartford churches, and was also an architect, became a member in 1877. The topic of the evening at Goodwin’s house that Clemens recalled here, “Dreams,” indicates that the meeting took place on 21 January 1884, when he was forty-eight. Most of the men present were founding members; five joined later, as noted below. Like Clemens, they all remained on the membership list until their deaths (Howell Cheney 1954, passim; “Francis Goodwin” in “Hartford Residents” 1974).

 

The wives . . . were not allowed to throw any light upon the discussion] “It was the early rule that the wife of the host invited two or three of her intimates to sit with her. . . . At rare times the hostess engaged in the conversation. . . . The predominance of the feeling of members is that the Club should be limited in its audience to men” (Howell Cheney 1954, 6).

 

J. Pierpont Morgan’s cigars . . . at dinner in Mr. Dodge’s house] John Pierpont Morgan (1837–1913) was the preeminent American banker, financier, and art collector of his day. William E. Dodge (1832–1903) had succeeded his father of the same name (1805–83) as a partner in Phelps, Dodge and Company, leading wholesalers of copper and other metals, and also continued his father’s numerous charitable, religious, and philanthropic activities.

 

George, our colored butler] George Griffin. See the Autobiographical Dictation of 6 February 1906.

 

Wheeling long nines] Wheeling, West Virginia, had been a center for the manufacture of cigars, particularly cheap cigars, since the 1820s. “Long nine” as a generic term for a cheap cigar was in use at least by 1830 (Ohio County Public Library 2008; Mathews 1951, 2:1000).

 

When I was . . . late ’50s] Clemens first boarded the Paul Jones, piloted by Horace Bixby, in Cincinnati bound for New Orleans on 16 February 1857. He returned to St. Louis working informally as Bixby’s apprentice, or steersman, on 15 March aboard the Colonel Crossman.He received his license on 9 April 1859, and continued as a pilot until mid-May 1861, when the Civil War put an end to commercial traffic on the river. He recounted his experiences on the river in Life on the Mississippi, especially chapters 4–21 (see also the link note following 5 Aug 1856 to HC through 26 Apr 1861 to OC, L1, 69–121; Branch 1992, 2–3).

 

Rev. Dr. Parker] Edwin Pond Parker (1836–1920), a Congregational clergyman, was pastor of Hartford’s Second Church of Christ from 1860 until 1912, when he became pastor emeritus.

 

Rev. Dr. Burton] Nathaniel J. Burton (1824–87) was pastor of Hartford’s Fourth Congregational Church (1857–70) and Park Congregational Church (1870–87).

 

Rev. Mr. Twichell] Joseph H. Twichell, pastor of Hartford’s Asylum Hill Congregational Church from 1865 to 1912, was one of Clemens’s closest friends (see “Grant and the Chinese,” note at 73.13).

 

you can start at the front door and . . . tread on one of them cigars every time] Clemens had included many of the details of this story of the long nines in “Conversations with Satan,” written in 1897–98 (see SLC 2009, 42–44).

 

the late Colonel Greene . . . President presently] Jacob L. Greene (1837–1905) was breveted lieutenant colonel for distinguished gallantry and faithful and meritorious service during the Civil War. A lawyer, he was secretary of the Connecticut Mutual Life Insurance Company from 1871 until 1878 and in the latter year became its president. He joined the Monday Evening Club in 1883 (Heitman 1903, 1:475).

 

elder Hamersley . . . his son, Will Hamersley . . . Supreme Court] William James Hamersley (1808–77) was a journalist, book publisher, and former Hartford mayor (1853–54, 1862–64). For William Hamersley, see “The Machine Episode,” note at 101.23 (Trumbull 1886, 1:117–18, 385, 612, 620, 624; “Death of the Hon. William James Hamersley,” Hartford Courant, 16 May 1877, 2).

 

Charles E. Perkins] For about ten years (until 1882), Perkins (1832–1917) was Clemens’s Hartford attorney. He became a club member in 1871 (12 Aug 1869 to Bliss, L3, 294 n. 4; 8 May 1872 to Perkins, L5, 84 n. 1).

 

Penitentiary down there at Wethersfield] The Wethersfield (Connecticut) State Prison opened in 1827 and remained in operation until 1963 (Connecticut State Library 2008b).

 

J. Hammond Trumbull, the most learned man in the United States] Hartford historian James Hammond Trumbull (1821–97) provided the multilingual chapter headings for The Gilded Age.

 

Governor Henry C. Robinson] Robinson (1832–1900), an attorney and business executive, was mayor of Hartford from 1872 to 1874. Although twice nominated by the Republican Party for governor of Connecticut (in 1876 and 1878), he never held that office (Burpee 1928, 3:41; Connecticut State Library 2008a).

 

A. C. Dunham . . . capitalist] Austin Cornelius Dunham (1833–1917), a wool merchant, inventor, and founder and since 1882 president of the Hartford Electric Light Company, joined the Monday Evening Club in 1870 (3 Oct 1874 to Howells, L6, 248 n. 3; Connecticut Light and Power 2008).