Monday, March 5, 1906Ⓔexplanatory note.Ⓐapparatus note Mr. Clemens talks to the West Side Young Men’s Christian Association in the Majestic TheatreⒶapparatus note—Miss Lyon meets one of the Christian young men at the door—Patrick’s funeral—Luncheon next day at the Hartford Club—Mr. Clemens meets elevenⒶapparatus note of his old friends—They tell many stories: Rev. Dr. McKnight and the Jersey funeral—Mr. Twichell’sⒶapparatus note story on board the Kanawha, about Richard Croker’s father—The Mary Ann storyⒶapparatus note—Decoration Day and the fiery Major and Mr. Twichell’sⒶapparatus note interrupted prayer.Ⓐapparatus note
POLICE HUSTLE CROWD AWAITING MARK TWAIN Ⓔexplanatory note
Bungle at the Majestic Theatre Angers Y. M. C. A. Men.
WOULDN’T OPEN THE DOORS
Mr. Clemens Gives Some Advice About the Treatment of
Corporations and Talks About
Gentlemen.
Members of the West Side Branch of the Young Men’s Christian Association found that entering the Majestic Theatre yesterday afternoon to hear an address by Mark Twain had a close resemblance to a football match. No one was injured, but for a few minutes [begin page 410] the police were hustling the crowd backward and forward by sheer force, a mounted man was sent to push his way through the thickest of the press and the jam was perilous.
The doors of the theatre should have been opened at 3 o’clock, and about three hundred persons were there at that time. It was an orderly crowd of youngⒶapparatus note men with a sprinkling of elderly ones, but Capt. Daly of the West Forty-seventh Street Station would not allow them to be admitted until he had summoned the reserves. It took twenty minutes for these to arrive and every moment the crush grew greater. Still there was no disorder and the police as they formed into line had to face nothing more dangerous than a little good-humored chaff.
The crowd was ranged in a rough column facing the main doors of the lobby. The Young Men’s Christian Association authorities came out several times and asked the Captain to allow the doors to be opened.
“If you do it, I’ll take away my men and there’ll be a lot of people hurt or killed,” he replied. “I know how to handle crowds.”
Then he proceeded to handle the crowds. He tried to swing the long solid line up against the southwestern side of Columbus Circle and force them in by the side entrance of the lobby, instead of the one they faced. First he sent a mounted man right through the column. The patrolmen followed and in a moment the orderly gathering was hustled and thrust in all directions.
Capt. Daly’s next manoeuvre was to open the side door. The crowd surged up, but he had them pushed back, and closed the door again. The crowd was utterly bewildered. Then the Young Men’s Christian Association authorities opened one-halfⒶapparatus note of the door on their own responsibility. Through this narrow passage the crowd squeezed. The plate glass in the half that was closed was shattered to atoms, and the men surged forward. A few coats were torn, but in spite of the way in which they had been handled everybody kept his temper. If there had been any disorderly element present nothing could have avoided serious accidents. In the end all but 500 gained admission.
Hold Police Responsible.
At the opening of the meeting, the Rev. Dr. Charles P. FagnaniⒺexplanatory note, the Chairman, said: “The management desires to disclaim all responsibility for what has happened. [Cheers.] The matter was taken out of their hands by the police. [Hisses.] We wanted to open the doors earlier, but our lords and masters, the police, took the matter into their own hands and settled it in their own way. [Hisses.] You have been accustomed long enough to being brutally treated by the police, and I do not see why you should mind it. [A voice: “You’re right.”] Some day you will take matters into your own hands and will decide that the police shall be the servants of the citizens.”
At the end of the meeting, Charles F. Powlison, Secretary of the West Side Branch, stated he had been asked to submit a resolution condemning the action of the police, but it has been decided it was better not to do so.
Mark Twain was introduced as a man “well worth being clubbed to hear.” He was greeted with a storm of applauseⒺexplanatory note that lasted over a minute.
“I thank you for this signal recognition of merit,” he said. “I have been listening to what has been said about citizenship. You complain of the police. You created the police. You are responsible for the police. They must reflect you, their masters. Consider that before you blame them.
“Citizenship is of the first importance in a land where a body of citizens can change [begin page 411] the whole atmosphere of politics, as has been done in Philadelphia. There is less graft there than there used to be. I was going to move to Philadelphia, but it is no place for enterprise now.
“Dr. Russell spoke of organizationⒺexplanatory note. I was an organization once myself for twelve hours, and accomplished things I could never have done otherwise. When they say ‘Step lively,’ remember it is not an insult from a conductor to you personallyⒺexplanatory note, but from the President of the road to you, an embodiment of American citizenship. When the insult is flung at your old mother and father, it shows the meanness of the omnipotent President, who could stop it if he would.
Mark Twain Got the Stateroom.
“I was an organization once. I was traveling from Chicago with my publisher and stenographer—I always travel with a bodyguard—and engaged a stateroom on a certain trainⒺexplanatory note. For above all its other conveniences the stateroom gives the privilege of smoking. When we arrived at the station the conductor told us he was sorry the car with our stateroom was left off. I said: ‘You are under contract to furnish a stateroom on this train. I am in no hurry. I can stay here a week at the road’s expense. It’ll have to pay my expenses and a little over.’
“Then the conductor called a grandee, and, after some argument, he went and bundled some meek people out of the stateroom, told them something not strictly true, and gave it me. About 11 o’clock the conductor looked in on me, and was very kind and winning. He told me he knew my father-in-law—it was much more respectable to know my father-in-law than me in those days. Then he developed his game. He was very sorry the car was only going to Harrisburg. They had telegraphed to Harrisburg, Pittsburg, San Francisco, and couldn’t get another car. He threw himself on my mercy. But to him I only replied:
“ ‘Then you had better buy the car.’
“I had forgotten all about this, when some time after Mr. Thomson of the PennsylvaniaⒺexplanatory note heard I was going to Chicago again, and wired:
“ ‘I am sending my private car. Clemens cannot ride on an ordinary car. He costs too much.’ ”
Yesterday, in the afternoon, I talked to the West Side Young Men’s Christian Association in the Majestic Theatre. The audience was to have been restricted to the membership, or at least to the membership’s sex, but I had asked for a couple of stage boxes and had invited friends of mine of both sexes to occupy them. There was trouble out at the doors, and I became afraid that these friends would not get in. Miss Lyon volunteered to go out and see if she could find them and rescue them from the crowd. She was a pretty small person for such a service, but maybe her lack of dimensions was in her favor, rather than against it. She plowed her way through the incoming masculine wave and arrived outside, where she captured the friends, and also had an adventure. Just as the police were closing the doors of the theatre and announcing to the crowd that the place was full and no more could be admitted, a flushed and excited man crowded his way to the door and got as much as his nose in, but there the officer closed the door and the man was outside. He and Miss Lyon were for the moment the centreⒶapparatus note of attention—she because of her solitariness in that sea of masculinity, and he because he had been defeated before folks, a thing which we all enjoy, even when we are West Side Young Christians and ought to let on that we don’t. The man looked down at Miss Lyon—anybody [begin page 412] can do that without standing on a chair—and he began pathetically—I say began pathetically; the pathos of his manner and his words was confined to his beginning. He began on Miss Lyon, then shifted to the crowd for a finish. He said “I have been a member of this West Side Young Men’s Christian Association in good standing for seven years, and have always done the best I could, yet never once got any reward.” He paused half an instant, shot a bitter glance at the closed door, and added with deep feeling “It’s just my God damned luck.”
I think it damaged my speech for Miss Lyon. The speech was well enough—certainly better than the report of it in the papers—but in spite of her compliments, I knew there was nothing in it as good as what she had heard outside; and by the delight which she exhibited in that outsider’s eloquence I knew that she knew itⒺexplanatory note.
I will insert here a passage from the newspaper report, because it refers to Patrick.
Definition of a Gentleman.
Mark Twain went on to speak of the man who left $10,000 to disseminate his definition of a gentleman. He denied that he had ever defined one, but said if he did he would include the mercifulness, fidelity, and justice the Scripture read at the meeting spoke of. He produced a letter from William Dean HowellsⒺexplanatory note, and said:
“He writes he is just 69, but I have known him longer than that. ‘I was born to be afraid of dying, not of getting old,’ he says. Well, I’m the other way. It’s terrible getting old. You gradually lose your faculties and fascinationsⒶapparatus note and become troublesome. People try to make you think you are not. But I know I’m troublesome.
“Then he says no part of life is so enjoyable as the eighth decade. That’s true. I’ve just turned itⒶapparatus note, and I enjoy it very much. ‘If old men were not so ridiculous’—why didn’t he speak for himself? ‘But,’ he goes on, ‘they are ridiculous, and they are ugly.’ I never saw a letter with so many errors in it. Ugly! I was never ugly in my life! Forty years ago I was not so good-looking. A looking glass then lasted me three months. Now I can wear it out in two days.
“ ‘You’ve been up in Hartford burying poor old Patrick. I suppose he was old, too,’ says Mr. Howells. No, he was not old. Patrick came to us thirty-six years ago—a brisk,Ⓐapparatus note lithe young Irishman. He was as beautiful in his graces as he was in his spirit, and he was as honest a man as ever lived. For twenty-five years he was our coachman, and if I were going to describe a gentleman in detail I would describe Patrick.
“At my own request I was his pall-bearer with our old gardener. He drove me and my bride so long ago. As the little children came along he drove them, too. He was all the world to them, and for all in my house he had the same feelings of honor, honesty, and affection.
“He was 60 years old, ten years younger than I. Howells suggests he was old. He was not so oldⒶapparatus note. He had the same gracious and winning ways to the end. Patrick was a gentleman, and to him I would apply the lines:
So may I be courteous to men, faithful to friends,
True to my God, a fragrance inⒶapparatus note the path I trodⒺexplanatory note.”Ⓐapparatus note
At the funeral I saw Patrick’s family. I had seen no member of it for a good many years. The children were men and womenⒺexplanatory note. When I had seen them last they were little creatures. So far as I could remember I had not seen them since as little chaps they joined with ours, and with the [begin page 413] children of the neighbors, in celebrating Christmas Eve around a Christmas tree in our house, on which occasion Patrick came down the chimney (apparently) disguised as St.Ⓐapparatus note Nicholas, and performed the part to the admiration of the little and the big alike.
John, our old gardenerⒺexplanatory note, was a fellow pall-bearer with me. The rest were Irish coachmen and laborers—old friends of Patrick. The Cathedral was half filled with people.
I spent the night at Twichell’sⒶapparatus note house, that night, and at noon next day at the Hartford Club I met, at a luncheon, eleven of my oldest friends—Charley ClarkⒶapparatus note, editor of the Courant; Judge HamersleyⒶapparatus note, of the Supreme Court; ColonelⒶapparatus note Cheney, Sam Dunham, TwichellⒶapparatus note, Rev. Dr. Parker, Charles E. Perkins, Archie WelchⒶapparatus note Ⓔexplanatory note. A deal of pretty jolly reminiscing was done, interspersed with mournings over beloved members of the old comradeship whose names have long ago been carved upon their gravestonesⒶapparatus note.
The Rev. Dr. McKnightⒺexplanatory note was one of these. He was a most delightful man. And in his day he was almost a rival of TwichellⒶapparatus note in the matter of having adventures. Once when he was serving professionally in New York, a new widower came and begged him to come over to a Jersey town and conduct the funeral of his wife. McKnight consented, but said he should be very uneasy if there should be any delay, because he must be back in New York at a certain hour to officiate at a funeral in his own church. He went over to that Jersey town and when the family and friends were all gathered together in the parlor he rose behind the coffin, put up his hands in the solemn silence and said,
“LetⒶapparatus note us pray.”
There was a twitch at his coat-tail and he bent down to get the message. The widower whispered and said,
“NotⒶapparatus note yet, not yet—wait a little.”
McKnight waited a while. Then remembering that time was passingⒶapparatus note and he must not miss his train and the other funeral, he rose again, put up his hands and said,
“LetⒶapparatus note us pray.”
ThereⒶapparatus note was another twitch at his coat-tail. He bent down and got the same message. “Not yet, not yet—wait a little.”
He waited; became uneasier than ever; got up the third time, put up his hands and got another twitch. This time when he bent down the man explained. He whispered:
“Wait a little. She’s not all here. Stomach’s at the apothecary’s.”
Several things were told on TwichellⒶapparatus note illustrative of his wide catholicity of feeling and conduct, and I was able to furnish something in this line myself. Three or four years ago, when Sir Thomas Lipton came over here to race for the America cup, I was invited to go with Mr. Rogers and half a dozenⒶapparatus note other worldlingsⒺexplanatory note in Mr. Rogers’s yacht, the Kanawha,Ⓐapparatus note to see the race. Mr. Rogers is fond of TwichellⒶapparatus note and wanted to invite him to go also, but was afraid to do it because he thought TwichellⒶapparatus note would be uncomfortable among those worldlings. I said I didn’t think that would be the case. I said TwichellⒶapparatus note was chaplain in a fighting brigade all through the Civil WarⒶapparatus note, and was necessarily familiar with about all the different kinds of worldlings that could be started; so Mr. Rogers told me—though with many misgivings—to invite him, and that he would do his best to see that the worldlings should modify their worldliness and pay proper respect and deference to Twichell’sⒶapparatus note cloth.
[begin page 414]When TwichellⒶapparatus note and I arrived at the pier at eight in the morning, the launch was waiting for us. All the others were on board. The yacht was anchored out there ready to sail. TwichellⒶapparatus note and I went aboard and ascended to the little drawing-room on the upper deck. The door stood open, and as we approachedⒶapparatus note we heard hilarious laughter and talk proceeding from that place,Ⓐapparatus note and IⒶapparatus note recognized that the worldlings were having a worldly good time. But as TwichellⒶapparatus note appeared in theⒶapparatus note door all that hilarity ceased as suddenly as if it had been shut off with an electric button, and the gay faces of the worldlings at once put on a most proper and impressive solemnity. The last word we had heard from these people was the name of Richard Croker, the celebrated Tammany leaderⒺexplanatory note, all-roundⒶapparatus note blatherskite and chief pillager of the municipal till. TwichellⒶapparatus note shook hands all around and broke out with,
“IⒶapparatus note heard you mention Richard Croker. I knew his father very well indeed. He was head teamster in our brigade in the Civil WarⒶapparatus note—the Sickles brigade—a fine man; as fine a man as a person would want to know. He was always splashed over with mud, of course, but that didn’t matter. The man inside the muddy clothes was a whole man; and he was educated; he was highly educated. He was a man who had read a great deal. And he was a Greek scholar; not a mere surface scholar, but a real one; used to read aloud from his Greek Testament,Ⓐapparatus note and when he hadn’t it handy he could recite from itⒶapparatus note from memory, and he did it well, and with spirit. Presently I was delighted to see that every now and then he would come over of a Sunday morning and sit under the trees in our camp with our boys and listen to my ministrations. I couldn’t refrain from introducing myself to him—that is I couldn’t refrain from speaking to him about this, and I said,
“ ‘Mr.Ⓐapparatus note Croker,Ⓐapparatus note I want to tell you what a pleasure it is to see you come and sit with my boys and listen to me. For I know what it must cost you to do this, and I want to express my admiration for a man who can put aside his religious prejudices and manifest the breadth and tolerance that you have manifested.’ ”Ⓐapparatus note He flushed, and said with eloquent emphasis—Ⓐapparatus note
“ ‘Mr. Twichell,Ⓐapparatus note do you take me for a God damned papist?Ⓔexplanatory note’ ”Ⓐapparatus note
Mr. Rogers said to me, aside, “This relieves me from my burden of uneasiness.”
TwichellⒶapparatus note, with his big heart, his wide sympathies, and his limitless benignities and charities and generosities, is the kind of person that people of all ages and both sexes fly to for consolation and help in time of trouble. HeⒶapparatus note is always being levied upon by this kind of persons. Years ago—many years ago—a soft-headed young donkey who had been reared under Mr. Twichell’sⒶapparatus note spiritual ministrations sought a private interview—a very private interview—with him,Ⓐapparatus note and said,
“Mr.Ⓐapparatus note TwichellⒶapparatus note, I wish you would give me some advice. It is a very important matter with me. It lies near my heart, and I want to proceed wisely. Now it is like this: I have been down to the Bermudas on the first vacation I have ever had in my life, and there I met a most charming young lady, native of that place, and I fell in love with her, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note. I fell in love with her, oh so deeply! Well, I can’t describe it, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note. I can’t describe it. I have never had such feelings before,Ⓐapparatus note and they just consume me; they burn me up. When I got back here I found I couldn’t think of anybody but that girl. I wanted to write to her, but I was afraid. I was afraid. It seemed too bold. I ought to have taken advice,Ⓐapparatus note perhaps—but really I was not myself. I hadⒶapparatus note to write—I couldn’t help it. So I wrote to her. I wrote to her as guardedly as my feelings would [begin page 415] allow—but I had the sense all the time that I was too bold—I was too bold—she wouldn’t like it. IⒶapparatus note—well, sometimes I would almost think maybe she would answer; but then there would come a colder wave and I would say—‘No, I shall never hear from her—she will be offended.’ But at last, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, a letter hasⒶapparatus note come. I don’t know how to contain myself. I want to write again, but I may spoil it—I may spoil it—and I want your advice. Tell me if I had better venture. Now here she has written—here is her letter, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note. She says this: she says—she says—‘You say in your letter you wish it could be your privilege to see me half your time. How would you like it to see me allⒶapparatus note the time?’ What do you think of that, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note? How does that strike you? Do you think she is not offended? Do you think that thatⒶapparatus note indicates a sort ofⒶapparatus note a shadowy leaning toward me? Do you think it, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note? Could you say that?”
“Well,” TwichellⒶapparatus note said, “I would not like to be too sanguine. I would not like to commit myself too far. I would not like to putⒶapparatus note hopes into your mind which could fail of fruition, but, on the whole—on the whole—daring is a good thing in these cases. Sometimes daring—a bold front—will accomplish things that timidity would fail to accomplish. I think I would write her—guardedly of course—but write her.”
“Oh Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, oh you don’t know how happy you do make me. I’ll write her right away. But I’ll be guarded. I’ll be careful—careful.”
TwichellⒶapparatus note read the rest of the letter—saw that this girl was just simply throwing herself at this young fellow’s head and was going to capture him by fair means or foul, but capture him. But he sent the young fellow away to write the guarded letter.
In due time he came with the girl’s second letter and said,
“Mr.Ⓐapparatus note Twichell,Ⓐapparatus note will you read that? Now read that. How does that strike you? Is she kind of leaning my way? I wish you could say so, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note. You see there,Ⓐapparatus note what she says. She says—‘You offer to send me a present of a ring—’ I did it, Mr. Twichell!Ⓐapparatus note I declare it was a bold thing—but—but—I couldn’t help it—IⒶapparatus note did that intrepid thing—and that is what she says: ‘You offer to send me a ring. But my father is going to take a little vacation excursion in the New England StatesⒶapparatus note and he is going to let me go with him. If you should send the ring here it might get lost. We shall be in Hartford a day or two;Ⓐapparatus note won’t it be safer to wait till then and you put it on my finger yourself?’
“What do you think of that,Ⓐapparatus note Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note? How does itⒶapparatus note strike you? Is she leaning? Is she leaning?”
“Well,” TwichellⒶapparatus note said, “I don’t know about that. I must not be intemperate. I must not say things too strongly, for I might be making a mistake. But I think—I think—on the whole I think she is leaning—I do—I think she is leaning—”
“Oh Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, it does my heart so much good to hear you say that!Ⓐapparatus note Mr. Twichell,Ⓐapparatus note if there was anything I could do to show my gratitude for those words—well, you see the conditionⒶapparatus note I am in—and to have you say that—”Ⓐapparatus note
TwichellⒶapparatus note said “Now wait a minute—now let’s not make any mistake here. Don’t you know that this is a most serious position? It can have the most serious results upon two lives. You know there is such a thing as a mere passing fancy that sets a person’s soul on fire for the moment. That person thinks it is love, and that it is permanent love—that it is real love. Then he finds out, by and by, that it was but a momentary insane passion—and then perhaps he has [begin page 416] committed himself for life, and he wishes he was out of that predicament. Now let us make sure of this thing. I believe that if you try, and conduct yourself wisely and cautiously—I don’t feel sure, but I believe that if you conduct yourself wisely and cautiously you can beguile that girl into marrying you.”
“Oh Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, I can’t express—”
“Well never mind expressing anything. What I am coming at is this: let us make sure of our position. If this is realⒶapparatus note love, go ahead!Ⓐapparatus note If it is nothing but a passing fancy, drop it right here, for both your sakes. Now tell me, is it real love? If it is real love how do you arrive at that conclusion? Have you some way of proving to your entire satisfaction that this isⒶapparatus note real, genuine, lasting, permanent love?”Ⓐapparatus note
“Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, I can tell you this. You can just judge for yourself. From the time that I was a baby in the cradle, up, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, I have had to sleep close to my mother, with a door open between, because I have always been subject to the most horrible nightmaresⒶapparatus note, and when they break out my mother has to come running from her bed and appease me and comfort me and pacify me. Now then, Mr. TwichellⒶapparatus note, from the cradle up, whenever I got hit with those nightmare convulsions I have always sung out Mamma, Mamma, Mamma. Now I sing out Mary Ann, Mary Ann, Mary Ann.”Ⓐapparatus note
So they were married. They moved to the West and we know nothing more about the romance.
Fifteen or twenty years ago, Decoration Day happened to be more like the Fourth of July for temperature than like the 30th of May. TwichellⒶapparatus note was orator of the day. He pelted his great crowd of old Civil WarⒶapparatus note soldiers for an hour in the biggest church in Hartford, while they mourned and sweltered. Then they marched forth and joined the procession of other wilted old soldiers that were oozing from other churches,Ⓐapparatus note and tramped through clouds of dust to the cemetery and began to distribute the flags and the flowers—a tiny flag and a small basket of flowers to each military grave. This industry went on and on and on, everybody breathing dust—for there was nothing else to breathe; everybody streaming with perspiration; everybody tired and wishing it was over. At last there was but one basket of flowers left, only one grave still undecorated. A fiery little MajorⒶapparatus note whose patience was all gone,Ⓐapparatus note was shouting,Ⓐapparatus note
“CorporalⒶapparatus note Henry Jones, Company C, Fourteenth Connecticut Infantry—”
No response. Nobody seemed to know where that corporal was buried.
The Major raised his note a degree or two higher.
“CorporalⒶapparatus note Henry JonesⒶapparatus note, Company C, Fourteenth Connecticut Infantry!Ⓐapparatus note—doesn’t anybody know where that man is buried?”Ⓐapparatus note
No response. OnceⒶapparatus note, twice, three times,Ⓐapparatus note he shrieked again,Ⓐapparatus note with his temper ever rising higher and higher,—Ⓐapparatus note
“CorporalⒶapparatus note Henry JONES!Ⓐapparatus note Company C!Ⓐapparatus note Fourteenth Connecticut Infantry!Ⓐapparatus note—doesn’t ANYBODYⒶapparatus note know where that man is buried?”
No response. ThenⒶapparatus note he slammed the basket of flowers on the ground and said to Twichell,
“ProceedⒶapparatus note with the finish.”Ⓐapparatus note
The crowd massed themselves together around TwichellⒶapparatus note with uncovered heads, the silence and solemnity interrupted only by subdued sneezings, for these people were buried in the dim [begin page 417] cloud of dust. After a pause TwichellⒶapparatus note began an impressive prayer, making it brief to meet the exigencies of the occasion. In the middle of it he made a pause. The drummer thought he was through,Ⓐapparatus note and let fly a rub-a-dub-dub—and the little Major stormed out “Stop that drum!”Ⓐapparatus note TwichellⒶapparatus note tried again. He got almost to the last word safely, when somebody trod on a dog and the dog let out a howl of anguish that could be heard beyond the frontierⒺexplanatory note. The Major said,
“GodⒶapparatus note damn that dog!”Ⓐapparatus note—and Twichell said,
“Amen.”Ⓐapparatus note
That is, he said it as a finish to his own prayer, but it fell so exactly at the right moment that it seemed to include the Major’s, too, and so he felt greatly honored, and thanked him.Ⓐapparatus note
Monday, March 5, 1906] The events discussed in this dictation on 15 March had been reported in the newspapers ten days earlier.
POLICE HUSTLE CROWD AWAITING MARK TWAIN] This article from the New York Times of 5 March was pasted into the typescript of the dictation.
Rev. Dr. Charles P. Fagnani] Fagnani (1854–1941) held degrees in arts, science and law. In 1882 he was ordained a Presbyterian minister, and since 1892 had taught Hebrew at the Union Theological Seminary in New York, later becoming associate professor of Old Testament literature (“Dr. Fagnani, 86, Dies in Occupied France,” New York Times, 7 Jan 1941, 25).
Mark Twain . . . was greeted with a storm of applause] Clemens’s talk, entitled “Reminiscences,” was preceded by a lengthy program of several other speakers, a singer (Anna Taylor Jones, contralto), a “mixed string-and-piano-band” (the Misses Kleckhoefer), and a Bible reader, causing him to cut his planned talk by half an hour (see AD, 3 Apr 1906; “Y. M. C. A. Meetings,” New York Globe and Commercial Advertiser, 3 Mar 1906, 15). Versions of the speech were published under the title “Layman’s Sermon” ( MTS 1910, 136–39; MTS 1923, 281–83; see also Fatout 1976, 492–95).
Dr. Russell spoke of organization] After the audience was seated and the police had dispersed the remaining crowd outside, Rev. Dr. Howard H. Russell (1855–1946), superintendent of the national Anti-Saloon League,
denounced the affair from the platform as a police outrage, and said that respectable citizens had been jabbed in the ribs with night sticks to make them move on, when there was no opportunity to move on.
An impromptu indignation meeting was held on the platform, and there was much talk of resolutions passed against the police. They would have passed, but Mark Twain killed them. He began to talk about the individual’s duty as a citizen.
“Don’t try to infringe on other people’s rights,” he said, “or take responsibilities on your shoulders that you should not. But if others should try to trample on you, then assert your citizenship. When you resolve to do a thing, do it, but I heard Dr. Russell speak of resolutions about the police. I don’t believe in denouncing the whole police force for the fault of one man.” (“Fight to See Twain,” New York Tribune, 5 Mar 1906, 1; “Hurt in Crush to Hear Mark Twain,” New York Morning Telegraph, 5 Mar 1906, 1)
When they say ‘Step lively,’ remember it is not an insult from a conductor to you personally] In 1892, the Railroad Gazette noted: “On the Manhattan Elevated the injunction of the trainmen to ‘step lively’ has become a by-word, and they doubtless find the duty of reiterating it thousands of times very irksome, but it is only by this constant spurring at all points that a great passenger movement can be accomplished with punctuality” (“Step Lively,” New York Times, 27 Dec 1892, 3).
I was traveling from Chicago with my publisher and stenographer . . . and engaged a stateroom on a certain train] Other reports of this speech make clear that Clemens said that he was “in Chicago . . . about to depart for New York” and that the publisher was James R. Osgood. The “stenographer” was Roswell H. Phelps. The three men traveled together in 1882, when Clemens gathered material for Life on the Mississippi (“Ten Thousand Stampede at a Mark Twain Meeting,” New York Herald, 5 Mar 1906, 1).
Mr. Thomson of the Pennsylvania] Between 1882 and 1899, Frank Thomson (1841–99) served as second vice-president, first vice-president, and president of the Pennsylvania Railroad.
I think it damaged my speech for Miss Lyon . . . I knew that she knew it] Isabel Lyon recorded her impressions that evening; Clemens’s young friend Gertrude Natkin also attended:
Today we went up to the Majestic Theatre, Mr. Clemens & mother & I . . . But the main thing is that Gertrude was there, “that darling child.” We went in the stage door & for a very long time Gertrude didn’t arrive. Mr. Clemens’s look of disappointment made me heartsick & feebly I tried to find the child in that vast crowd. It was a Christian crowd; but as I turned away from a big burly young man who had tried to gain admittance & had failed, I heard him say: “Just my God damn luck!” . . . Mr. Clemens’s talk was lovely & brave & strong & instructive & humorous. No one else in all the world can combine all those qualities with such great wonderful personal charm. . . . He seems never to be aware of himself. (Lyon 1906, 63)
letter from William Dean Howells] Howells’s letter was dated 28 February 1906 (CSmH, in MTHL, 2:801–2).
So may I be courteous . . . the path I trod] Clemens paraphrased the final lines of “A Song” by Clarence Urmy (1858–1923), which was printed in the March 1906 issue of Harper’s Bazar and quoted many times subsequently, often without attribution (Urmy 1906):
May I be courteous to men,
Faithful to friends, true to my God,
A fragrance on the path I trod.
At the funeral I saw Patrick’s family . . . The children were men and women] Clemens attended McAleer’s funeral at the Cathedral of St. Joseph on Farmington Avenue in Hartford on the morning of 28 February, and “took his place” with the pallbearers “going in and coming out.” The McAleers’ four surviving children (out of nine)—Michael, William, Alice, and Anne—attended the funeral with their families (Twichell 1874–1916, entry for 27 Feb 1906, 7:126; Hartford Courant: “Coachman Many Years for Mark Twain,” 26 Feb 1906, 6; “Mark Twain Pays Tribute to Servant,” 28 Feb 1906, 3; Hartford Census: 1880, 117; 1900, 8B; 1910, 7B; see AD, 1 Feb 1906, note at 322.31–42).
John, our old gardener] John O’Neil (b. 1848) took care of the grounds and greenhouse at the Clemenses’ Hartford house during the 1880s, and from 1891 to 1900, when the family was in Europe ( Hartford Census 1900, 1A).
at the Hartford Club I met, at a luncheon, eleven of my oldest friends . . . Welch] The Hartford Club, which Clemens joined in 1881, was organized in 1873 for “the promotion of social intercourse, art and literature” (Hartford Club 2009). Before he left New York for the funeral, Clemens asked Charles H. Clark to “assemble some Cheneys & Twichells & other friends at Hartford Club Thursday & lunch them & me at my expense” (26 Feb 1906 to Clark, TxU). In addition to Clark, the guests were Judge William Hamersley, Colonel Frank W. Cheney, Samuel G. Dunham, Rev. Joseph H. Twichell, Rev. Dr. Edwin Pond Parker, Charles E. Perkins, Archibald A. Welch, Rev. Dr. Francis Goodwin, Franklin G. Whitmore, and Dr. E. K. Root (“Mr. Clemens Lunches with Friends,” Hartford Courant, 14 March 1906, 4). Frank Woodbridge Cheney (1832–1909), a lieutenant colonel in the Civil War who had been wounded at Antietam, served as head of Cheney Brothers silk manufacturers, as a director of the Connecticut Mutual Life Insurance Company for more than thirty years, and as a director of the New York, New Haven, and Hartford Railroad for seven years ( Connecticut Biography 1917, 277–80; “Death of Colonel Cheney,” Hartford Courant, 5 June 1909, 5). Archibald Ashley Welch (1859–1935), prominent in many civic organizations, was in 1906 second vice-president of the Phoenix Mutual Life Insurance Company (Burpee 1928, 3:1062–65). Dr. Edward K. Root (b. 1856), a Hartford physician and Charles Clark’s brother-in-law, served on the Hartford Board of Health, the State Board of Health, and as medical director of the Connecticut Mutual Life Insurance Company (“Dr. Edward K. Root,” Hartford Courant, 24 Oct 1899, 8; Hartford Census 1900, 8B).
Rev. Dr. McKnight] Clemens probably refers to the Rev. Dr. George H. McKnight (b. 1830) of Elmira’s Episcopal Trinity Church, who earned his A.M. degree at Hobart College in 1851 and his D.D. at Hamilton College in 1873. McKnight performed the marriage ceremony for Charles J. Langdon (Olivia’s brother) and Ida B. Clark in October 1870 (Towner 1892, 287–88; Chemung Census 1900, 14B; 13 Oct 1870 to Fairbanks, L4, 208–9).
when Sir Thomas Lipton came . . . to race for the America cup, I . . . Mr. Rogers and half a dozen other worldlings] On 3 October 1901, Clemens and Twichell joined Henry H. Rogers and his other guests on the Kanawha, which left Sandy Hook, New Jersey, to follow the second race of the series between the American yacht Columbia and Sir Thomas Lipton’s Shamrock II. Lipton (1850–1931), knighted by Queen Victoria in 1898, was famous for his grocery chain, tea shops, and charitable works. This was his second challenge (out of five) for the America’s Cup between 1899 and 1930 ( HHR, 474; “Sir Thomas Gives Up Hope,” New York Times, 4 Oct 1901, 1; Twichell 1874–1916, entry for 2–3 Oct 1901, 7:105–6).
name of Richard Croker, the celebrated Tammany leader] Croker (1843–1922), acknowledged as Tammany boss after 1884, had brought about the elections of the subsequent three New York Democratic mayors. In September 1901, when Croker had just returned from ten months abroad, the newspapers were filled with stories and speculation about his influence on the upcoming mayoral election, and two recently published books were reviewed in the New York Times: a complimentary biography of Croker by Alfred Henry Lewis, and a book by Gustavus Myers that included two chapters on Croker and was highly critical of Tammany Hall’s unbroken record of corruption and graft (“About Tammany Hall,” 7 Sept 1901, BR3; Alfred Henry Lewis 1901; Myers 1901; “Richard Croker Met by Tammany Leaders,” New York Times, 15 Sept 1901, 10).
I knew his father very well indeed . . . do you take me for a God damned papist?] The Croker forebears, originally English and Protestant, had gone to Ireland with Cromwell. Twichell evidently assumed that the Crokers were Catholic because of their Irish ancestry. Richard Croker’s father, Eyre Coote Croker, a Presbyterian, emigrated to the United States with his family in 1846. He found work as a blacksmith and veterinary horse surgeon, and joined the Union army at the outbreak of the Civil War (Alfred Henry Lewis 1901, 5, 13–14; Lothrop Stoddard 1931, 2, 260–61; see AD, 17 Jan 1906, for Clemens’s remarks about General Sickles and the regiment in which Twichell and Croker served).
dog let out a howl of anguish that could be heard beyond the frontier] The occasion on which Twichell’s Decoration Day (Memorial Day) speech was interrupted by the howling dog probably took place in the mid-1870s. In his notebooks, Clemens reminded himself several times in 1878 and after to make use of the incident (jotting down both “Joe Twichell’s Decoration-day prayer—‘G-d d—n that dog’ ” and an explanation for its howls, “He had a rat!”), and he did use it in chapter 27 of Huckleberry Finn, which one Hartford newspaper recognized when the book was published: “The ‘He had a rat’ story put into a funeral scene, where it actually occurred in this city, will be recognized by a number of Hartford people, who have had many hearty laughs at it in its chrysalis period” (“New Publications,” Hartford Evening Post, 17 Feb 1885, 3; HF 2003, 232–33, 443; N&J2, 58, 343; N&J3, 16, 92).
Source documents.
Times 2 Microfilm of the New York Times, 5 March 1906, 2 (the original clipping that Hobby transcribed is now lost): ‘Definition of . . . I trod.’ (412.12–39).TS1 (incomplete) Typescript, leaves numbered 469–84 (485 is missing), made from Hobby’s notes and the lost Times 2 clipping and revised: ‘March . . . “Amen.” ’ (409 title–417.7).
Times 1 Clipping from the New York Times, 5 March 1906, 2, attached to TS1: ‘POLICE HUSTLE . . . too much.’ ” ’ (409.27–411.28).
TS2 Typescript, leaves numbered 607–27, made from the revised TS1 (with the attached Times 1 clipping) and further revised.
TS4 Typescript, leaves numbered 857–73, made from the revised TS1.
The page missing from TS1 was discarded by Paine when he edited the dictation for MTA. TS4 has no authority for the text that survives in TS1. Where TS1 is missing, however, TS4 was collated, because TS2 and TS4 derive independently from TS1 and therefore either may incorporate authorial readings not present in the other. TS2 and TS4 agree, confirming the readings of the missing portion of TS1.
The Times 1 clipping is pasted to a leaf inserted into TS1 numbered 472a. In TS2 the text of the article was typed above the dateline and summary paragraph (the article was not transcribed in TS4). The present text begins with the dateline and summary, followed by the Times article. The readings of Times 1 are adopted, and the accidental variants that Hobby introduced in TS2 are not reported. The second clipping that Hobby transcribed in TS2—the original of Times 2—is not extant, although it is part of the same article as the first (unlike the first clipping, it was transcribed in TS4). The source here is therefore a microfilm of the newspaper. Four of the variants in TS1, detected by collation, are adopted; they are deemed to be Clemens’s revisions on the lost Times clipping or necessary corrections. All variants between Times 2 and TS1 are reported.
Hobby incorporated the revisions that Clemens made on TS1 into TS2, whose last three pages he further revised before writing ‘Not usable yet’ at the top. His original intention was to pair the material on these pages, about the barking dog (beginning at ‘Fifteen or twenty years ago’ [416.20]), with the Florentine dictation “John Hay,” to make an NAR installment. He cut away the relevant pages and sent them to the NAR, where someone (probably Harvey) wrote ‘Jno Hay’ on the verso of the last page. None of the dictation was ever published, however, and “John Hay” was paired with excerpts from the ADs of 5 Apr and 6 Apr 1906 in NAR 12.
This dictation was made on 15 March 1906; its dateline, ‘Monday, March 5, 1906’, reflects the date of the events under discussion, which were reported in the newspapers of 5 March. This edition could have presented the dictation under its “putative” date, rather than its real date of dictation, but as there already is an AD of 5 March 1906, this would have resulted in confusion.