Explanatory Notes
Headnote
Apparatus Notes
Guide
MTPDocEd
Autobiographical Dictation, 7 September 1906 ❉ Textual Commentary

Source documents.

TS1 ribbon      Typescript, leaves numbered 1257–66, made from Hobby’s notes and revised.
TS1 carbon      Typescript carbon, leaves numbered 1257–66, revised.

Clemens revised TS1 ribbon, and Lyon transferred his revisions to TS1 carbon, which he further revised with an NAR installment in view. No excerpt from the dictation, however, was published. Clemens’s draft telegram to Campbell-Bannerman survives at Middlebury College in Vermont (VtMiM); it is addressed to Campbell-Bannerman by name and lacks the words ‘honored sir’ (227.32). It is not known what source Hobby used; her transcripton is therefore the basis of the present text.

Marginal Notes on TS1 carbon Concerning Publication in NAR

Location on TS Writer, Medium Exact Inscription Explanation
TS1 carbon, p. 1257 SLC, ink Use the first four pages. begin the excerpt at ‘For good’ (225.37) and continue through ‘step lively!” ’ (227.6)
TS1 carbon, p. 1257 SLC, ink, canceled in ink (1 R. page) number of NAR pages
TS carbon, p. 1260 SLC, ink Stop here end the excerpt at ‘step lively!” ’ (227.6)
Friday, September 7, 1906

The statement made at the banquet of thetextual note Ends of the Earth Club, “We are of the Anglo-Saxon race,” etc.—Our public and private mottoestextual note and morals—Mr. Clemens’s tribute to British Premier Campbell-Bannermantextual note on his seventieth birthday—Meeting Labouchere—Anecdote of the lost deed which was to have been presented to Prince of Wales.

For good or for evil, we continue to educate Europe. We have held the post of instructor for more than a century and a quarter now. We were not elected to it, we merely took it. We are of the Anglo-Saxon race. At thetextual note banquet,textual note last winter, of that organization [begin page 226] which calls itself the Ends of the Earth Clubexplanatory note,textual note the chairman, a retired regular army officer of high gradeexplanatory note, proclaimed in a loud voice, and with fervency,

“We are of the Anglo-Saxon race, and when the Anglo-Saxon wants a thing he just takes it textual note.”

That utterance was applauded to the echo. There were perhaps seventy-five civilians present and twenty-five military and naval men. It took those people nearly two minutes to work off their stormy admiration of that great sentiment; and meanwhile the inspired prophet who had discharged it—from his liver, or his intestines, or his esophagus, or wherever he had bredtextual note it—stood there glowing and beaming and smiling, and issuing rays of happiness from every pore—rays that were so intense that they were visible, and made him look like the old-time picture in the almanactextual note of the man who stands discharging signs of the zodiac in every direction, and so absorbed in happiness, so steeped in happiness, that he smiles and smiles, and has plainly forgotten that he is painfully and dangerously ruptured and exposed amidships, and needs sewing up right awayexplanatory note.

The soldier man’s great utterance, interpreted by the expression which he put into it, meant, in plain English—

“The English and the Americans are thieves, highwaymen,textual note pirates, and we are proud to be of the combination.”

Out of all the English and Americans present, there was not one with the grace to get up and say he was ashamed of being an Anglo-Saxon, and also ashamed of being a member of the human race, since the race must abide under the presence upontextual note it of the Anglo-Saxon taint. I could not perform this office. I could not afford to lose my temper and make a self-righteous exhibition of myself and my superior morals that I might teach this infant class in decency the rudiments of that cult, for they would not be able to grasp it; they would not be able to understand it.

It was an amazing thing to see—that boyishly frank and honest and delighted outburst of enthusiasm over the soldier prophet’s mephitic remark. It looked suspiciously like a revelation—a secret feeling of the national heart surprised into expression and exposure by untoward accident;textual note for it was a representative assemblage. All the chief mechanisms that constitute the machine which drives and vitalizes the national civilization were present—lawyers, bankers, merchants, manufacturers, journalists, politicians, soldiers, sailors—they were all there. Apparently it was the United States in banquet assembled,textual note and qualified to speak with authority for the nation and reveal its private morals to the public view.

The initial welcome of that strange sentiment was not an unwary betrayal,textual note to be repented of upon reflection;textual note and this was shown by the fact that whenever, during the rest of the evening, a speaker found that he was becoming uninteresting and wearisome, he only needed to inject that great Anglo-Saxon moral into the midst of his platitudes to start up that glad storm again. After all, it was only the human race on exhibition. It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock—the privatetextual note and real, and the publictextual note and artificial.

Our public motto is “In God We Trusttextual note,” and when we see those gracious words on [begin page 227] the trade-dollar (worth sixty cents) they always seem to tremble and whimper with pious emotion. That is our public motto. It transpires that our private one is “When the Anglo-Saxon wants a thing he just takes it textual note.” Our public morals are touchinglytextual note set forth in that stately and yet gentle and kindly mottotextual note which indicates that we are a nation of gracious and affectionate multitudinoustextual note brothers compacted into one—e pluribus unum.textual note Our private morals find the light in the sacred phrase “Come, step textual note lively!textual noteexplanatory note

We imported our imperialism from monarchical Europe; also our curious notions of patriotism—that is, if we have any principle of patriotism which any person can definitely and intelligiblytextual note define. It is but fair then, no doubt, that we should instruct Europe, in return for these and the other kinds of instruction which we have received from that source.

Something more than a century ago we gave Europe the first notions of liberty it had ever had, and thereby largely and happily helped to bring on the French Revolution and claimtextual note a share in its beneficent results. We have taught Europe many lessons since. But for us, Europe might never have known the interviewer; but for us certain of the European states might never have experienced the blessing of extravagant imposts; but for us the European Food Trust might never have acquired the art of poisoning the world for cash; but for us her Insurance Trusts might never have found out the best way to work the widow and orphan for profit; but for us the long delayedtextual note resumption of Yellow Journalism in Europe might have been postponed for generations to come. Steadily, continuously, persistently, we are Americanizing Europe, and all in good time we shall get the job perfected. At last, after long waiting, London journalism has adopted our fashion of gathering sentiments from everywhere whenever anything happens that a sentiment can be coined out of. Yesterday arrived this cablegram:

British Premier Campbell-Bannermantextual note celebrates seventieth birthday to-morrowexplanatory note. London Tribune requests tribute.

I furnished it, to wit:

To His Excellency, the British Premier—

Congratulations, not condolences. Before seventy we are merely respected, at best, and we have to behave all the time, or we lose that asset; but after seventy we are respected, esteemed, admired, revered, and don’t have to behave unless we want to. When I first knew you, honored sirtextual note, one of us was hardly even respected.

Mark Twain.explanatory note

A great and brave statesman, and a charming man. I met him first at Marienbad, in Austria, half a generation ago.textual note In the years that have since elapsed I have met him frequently in London, at private dinners in his own house and elsewhere, and at banquets. In Vienna, in ’98, we lived in the same hotel for a timeexplanatory note, and the intercourse was daily and familiar. I hope that this explanation will in a measure justify the form of the tribute which I have just quoted. Now that I come to think of it, I am not quite sure that [begin page 228] anything could really justify me in addressing the acting king of the British Empire in such an irreverent way, but I didn’t think of that when I was putting the words together. I had before me only the companionable comrade of the earlier days, when he was only an important member of Parliament and I was not respected, because I was a bankrupt.

In Marienbad he introduced me to Labouchere, and for a number of days I helped that picturesque personalityexplanatory note walk off his mineral water up and down the promenade. His vocabulary, and his energetic use of it, were an unqualified and constant delight to me. Two or three years later, at Homburg, I came across his wife, in the throng of medicinal-water drinkers, and eagerly asked where I might find her husband. She said he was not there, he was in London. I expressed my honest grief, and said I would rather hear him swear than hear an archbishop pray. She had been a great actress in her timeexplanatory note, and she knew how to say with effect the thing she had to say, when her heart was in it. Her face lightedtextual note with pleasure at the honest admiration which I had expressed for her husband’s power, and she said:

“Oh you never saw him at his best. Mr. Clemens, you ought to see him at home mornings, during the session, standing before the table ready for breakfast, with his back to the fire and his hands parting his coat-tailstextual note for the comfort of the warmth—you should hear him break out and curse the Opposition, name by name, and wind up with his comprehensive and unvarying and eloquent formula, ‘thetextual note sons textual note of bitches!’ ”textual note

I last met Sir Henry at a small dinner party, six years ago, at the house of the Nestortextual note of Parliament of that dayexplanatory note. Among the guests were Sir William Vernon Harcourt, leader of the Oppositionexplanatory note. I had not seen him for twenty-seven years, but of course I recognized him. The caricatures would make that sure. I asked him if he remembered me, and he said,textual note

“Certainly, it is only twenty-seven years since I saw you last.”

At that time I was beginning to realizetextual note that I was old, and I said I hoped that he was either older than I or that he would at least strain a point and say he was, because it had been so long since I had come across any one whose years exceeded mine that I was getting depressed, and needed comfort. He said,

“Well, examine your English history and decide. When I was nine years old I was crossing London Bridge when I heard the tolling bells announce the death of William IVtextual note explanatory note.”

I said, “I am grateful. You have renewed my youth, and if there is anything you desire, even to the half of my kingdom, name it. I have been the oldest man in the earth for months; I am glad to take second place for a while.”textual note

After dinner one of the men present said he could tell the company a curious thing if they would keep it to themselves, and let it be confidential—at least as far as regarded names and dates. He said he was acting as an official, at a functiontextual note some years before, wheretextual note the Prince of Wales—the present King—was to receive in state the deed of a vast property which had been conferred upon the nation by a wealthy citizenexplanatory note. It was the narrator’s dutytextual note to formally hand the deed to the Princetextual note in an envelope.

When everything was abouttextual note ready for the presentation his clerk came to him, pale and [begin page 229] agitated, and informed him in a whisper that the deed had disappeared!textual note It was not in the safe; they had ransacked the place and could find no trace of it. It was a ghastly situation; something must be done, and done promptly. The narrator whispered to the clerk:

Rush!—textual notefold up atextual note Daily News, shove it into an official envelope,textual note and fetch it here.”

This was done. The official committee of noblemen and gentlemen, bareheaded, and with the narrator at its head, solemnly approached the Prince where he stood supported by his imposingtextual note retinue, and with awe inspiring formalities the Daily News textual note was placed in histextual note hands,textual note whereupon hetextual note pronounced,textual note in carefully prepared and impressive words, the nation’s profound gratitude to the wealthy citizen for this precious and memorable gift. It was not even a new paper, it was two days old.textual note

The narrator closed with the statement that even unto that day the lost deed had never been found.

Textual Notes Friday, September 7, 1906
  the ●  The (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  mottoes ●  mottos (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  Campbell-Bannerman ●  Campbell Bannerman (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  the ●  the (TS1 ribbon)  the a  (TS1 carbon-SLC) 
  banquet, ●  banquet, (TS1 ribbon)  banquet, at which I was a guest  (TS1 carbon-SLC) 
  of that organization which calls itself the Ends of the Earth Club, ●  of that organization which calls itself the Ends of the Earth Club, (TS1 ribbon)  of that organization which calls itself the Ends of the Earth Club,  (TS1 carbon-SLC) 
  he just takes it  ●  he just takes it ‘he just takes it’ underscored  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  bred ●  found bred  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  almanac ●  Almanac (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  highwaymen, ●  highway- | men, and  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  upon ●  upon i upon ‘upon’ restored with ‘STET’  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  upon (TS1 carbon) 
  accident; ●  accident, ; comma mended to a semicolon  (TS1 carbon-SLC)  accident, (TS1 carbon) 
  assembled, ●  assembled,  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  assembled (TS1 carbon) 
  betrayal, ●  betrayal,  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  betrayal (TS1 carbon) 
  reflection; ●  reflection, ; comma mended to a semicolon  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  reflection, (TS1 carbon) 
  private ●  private, typed comma erased  (TS1 ribbon-Hobby)  private, (TS1 carbon) 
  public ●  public, typed comma erased  (TS1 ribbon-Hobby)  public, (TS1 carbon) 
  We Trust ●  we trust (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  he just takes it  ●  he just takes it ‘he just takes it’ underscored  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  he just takes it (TS1 carbon) 
  touchingly ●  movingly touchingly  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  motto ●  motto,  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  multitudinous ●  multitudinous  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  “e pluribus unum.” ●  e pluribus unum.  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  e pluribus unum.  (TS1 carbon) 
  step  ●  step ‘step’ underscored  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  lively! ●  lively. ! period mended to an exclamation point  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  intelligibly ●  intelligent ibly (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  claim ●  have claim  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  long delayed ●  long delayed  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  Campbell-Bannerman ●  Campbell Bannerman (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  honored sir ●  H honored S sir capital letters marked for lowercase with slashes and ‘l.c.’  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  Austria, half a generation ago. ●  Austria. , half a generation ago.  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  lighted ●  lit lighted  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  coat-tails ●  coat- | tails  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  the ●  T the (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  sons  ●  sons ‘sons’ underscored  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  bitches!’ ” ●  bitches!’ (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  Nestor ●  Minister Nestor  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  said, ●  said (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  realize ●  recognize realize  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  IV ●  the Fourth (TS1 ribbon, TS1 carbon) 
  while.” ●  while.  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  while. (TS1 carbon) 
  at a function ●  at a function  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  where ●  when re  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  duty ●  function duty  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  Prince ●  Prince of Wales  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  about ●  almost about  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  disappeared! ●  disappeared. ! period mended to an exclamation point  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  disappeared. (TS1 carbon) 
  Rush!— ●  Rush!— (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  up a ●  the up a  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  envelope, ●  envelope,  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  envelope (TS1 carbon) 
  imposing ●  imposing and decorated  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  News  ●  News —which was not even of the current date—  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  News which was not even of the current date— (TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  his ●  the his  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  hands, ●  hands,  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  hands (TS1 carbon) 
  whereupon he ●  of the prince, who whereupon he  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
  pronounced, ●  pronounced,  (TS1 ribbon-SLC)  pronounced (TS1 carbon) 
  gift. It was not even a new paper, it was two days old. ●  gift. of an old newspaper. It was not even a new paper, it was two days old.  (TS1 ribbon-SLC, TS1 carbon-Lyon) 
Explanatory Notes Friday, September 7, 1906
 

the banquet, last winter . . . the Ends of the Earth Club] According to the New York Times,

The Ends of the Earth Club, of which Mark Twain is the honorary head, with Rudyard Kipling and Admiral George Dewey as members of the Honorary Council, was formed three years ago by globe trotters of New York and everywhere else in the world, whose idea was to dine together once every twelve months and exchange felicitations. (“Ends of the Earthers Foregather Here Again. And Astonish Mark Twain with Some Very Brief Reports,” 17 Feb 1906, 9)

The club’s third annual dinner was held on 16 February 1906 at the Savoy Hotel in Manhattan. For Clemens’s brief speech, about writing The Gilded Age and his 1867 lecture at the Cooper Union in New York, see Fatout 1976, 485–86.

 

chairman, a retired regular army officer of high grade] General James H. Wilson (1837–1925), the toastmaster and unofficial chairman, served in both the Civil War and the Spanish-American War. The words that Clemens quotes here have not been found in the newspaper reports of his speech, but according to the New York Tribune, “The eventual domination of the Anglo-Saxon race was the burden of many of the remarks” at the banquet (“From Ends of Earth,” New York Tribune, 17 Feb 1906, 7).

 

the old-time picture in the almanac . . . needs sewing up right away] Nineteenth-century almanacs typically included the figure of a naked man surrounded by the signs of the zodiac. The purpose of this “anatomy,” or “man of signs,” was to correlate the parts of the body with the astrological signs that governed them. Often the man was shown with his abdomen cut open and his intestines exposed—either to facilitate linking them to their star-sign (Virgo) or because the abdominal flaps helped to conceal his genitals (Scorpio). The “man of signs” is found in English and American almanacs dating back to the seventeenth century; the image is based on classical and medieval astrology (Kittredge 1904, 53–61).

 

“Come, step lively!”] The standard exhortation from train conductors such as those of the Manhattan Elevated Railway to move passengers off and onto the trains (see AutoMT1 , 620 n. 411.5–6).

 

British Premier Campbell-Bannerman celebrates seventieth birthday to-morrow] Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman (1836–1908) was born Henry Campbell in Kelvinside, near Glasgow, Scotland, on 7 September. He reluctantly changed his surname to Campbell-Bannerman after a conditional inheritance of property in 1871 (Wilson 1973, 46–47). See the note at 227.34–37.

 

To His Excellency . . . Mark Twain] Clemens sent this telegram to the London Tribune’s New York correspondent, Luther E. Price, who had made the request (Price to SLC, 6 Sept 1906, VtMiM).

 

A great and brave statesman . . . we lived in the same hotel for a time] Clemens probably first met Campbell-Bannerman at Marienbad in August 1891. In October 1898 they could have met “daily” at Vienna’s Hotel Krantz, where he and his wife, Sarah Charlotte Bruce (d. 1906), often stayed after their annual six-week visit to Marienbad. Campbell-Bannerman began his career in the House of Commons in 1868 as the Liberal member for Stirling Burghs. He became known as an advocate of universal elementary education, free trade, Irish home rule, anti-imperialism, and improved social conditions. Although not a compelling speaker, he was famously principled in dealing with provocative opposition even within his own party. He served as secretary of state for war in 1886 and again in 1892–95. He was knighted by Queen Victoria in 1895, and in 1905 King Edward VII appointed him premier (the first to be called prime minister) and first lord of the treasury, a position he resigned in early April 1908, about two weeks before his death (John Wilson 1973, 137, 140, 149, 446, 634–42; “Premier’s Wife Dead,” New York Times, 31 Aug 1906, 9).

 

Labouchere . . . that picturesque personality] After two years at Trinity College, adventures in South America and Mexico, six months in an Ojibwe Indian camp, ten years as an attaché in Washington, D.C., and Europe, and two short stints in Parliament as a Liberal member for Windsor and Middlesex in the late 1860s, Henry du Pré Labouchere (1831–1912) worked as a theater owner, theatrical producer, journalist, editor, and publisher. He was known for his cynical wit, his brilliance, his combativeness, and his adventurous life. His magazine, Truth, which regularly exposed fraud and reported inside information about the court and prominent politicians, was several times sued for libel. In 1880 Labouchere returned to Parliament as a Liberal member for Northampton and served until 1906.

 

his wife, in the throng of medicinal-water drinkers . . . had been a great actress in her time] Actress Henrietta Hodson (1841–1910) lived with Labouchere, served as his hostess, bore him a child, and eventually married him, after the death of her estranged husband, Richard Walter Pigeon, in 1887. Ellen Terry said she was “a brilliant burlesque actress, a good singer, and a capital dancer” with “great personal charm” (Terry 1908, 47). She had a very successful career, primarily in comic roles, in Bristol and London, where she became manager of the Royalty Theatre, introducing the innovation of having the orchestra in a pit below the stage. In 1877 she had a public feud with W. S. Gilbert, whose dictatorial behavior when she was part of the cast for his Pygmalion and Galatea prompted her to attack him in a pamphlet addressed to the profession, and in 1878 she retired from acting. Clemens probably saw her in Bad Homburg in August 1892, possibly on the same day he met the Prince of Wales (23 Aug 1892 to OC and MEC, CU-MARK; see AD, 27 Aug 1906, note at 181.31–36).

 

the Nestor of Parliament of that day] Unidentified.

 

Sir William Vernon Harcourt, leader of the Opposition] Harcourt (1827–1904), a lawyer, journalist, and Liberal member of Parliament, served as home secretary and chancellor of the exchequer under Gladstone before becoming Leader of the Opposition in 1896–98, when a Conservative-Unionist government was in power.

 

death of William IV] On 20 June 1837.

 

the Prince of Wales . . . was to receive in state the deed of a vast property which had been conferred upon the nation by a wealthy citizen] A manuscript fragment in the Mark Twain Papers reads in part, “tell about lost deed to the new national gallery”; this note’s proximity to notes on Sir William Harcourt makes it probable that the opening of the Tate Gallery is meant, and that it was Harcourt himself who told the story. He was a prime mover in the foundation of the gallery, and assisted at the ceremony on 21 July 1897 at which Henry Tate presented the Prince of Wales with the deeds to the property and the building (Autobiographical Fragment #148, CU-MARK; “The Prince of Wales and the Tate Gallery,” London Times, 22 July 1897, 7).