In the middle of the afternoon, day before yesterday, a particular friend of mine, whom I will call Jones for this day and train only, telephoned, and said he would like to call for me at half pastⒶtextual note seven and take me to a dinner at the Union League ClubⒺexplanatory note. He said he would send me home as early as I pleased, he being aware that I am declining all invitations this year, and for the rest of my life, that make it necessary for me to go out at night—at least to places where speeches are made and the sessions last until past ten o’clock. But Jones is a very particular friend of mine, and therefore it cost me no discomfort to transgress my rule and accept his invitation; no, I am in error—it did cost me a pang, a decided pang, for although he said that the dinner was a private one, with only ten persons invited, he mentioned Senator Clark of MontanaⒺexplanatory note as one of the ten. I am a person of elevated tone, and of morals that can bear scrutiny, and am much above associating with animals of Mr. Clark’s breed. I am sorry to be vain—at least I am sorry to expose the fact that I am vain—but I do confess it and expose it;Ⓐtextual note I cannot help being vain of myself for giving such a large proof of my friendship for Jones as is involved in my accepting an invitation to break bread with such a person as Clark of Montana. It is not because he is a United States SenatorⒶtextual note—it is at least not wholly because he occupies that doubtful position—for there are many SenatorsⒶtextual note whom I hold in a certain respect, and would not think of declining to meet them socially, if I believed it was the will of God. We have lately sent a United States SenatorⒶtextual note to the penitentiaryⒺexplanatory note, but I am quite well aware that of those who have escaped this promotion there are several who are in some regards guiltless of crime—not guiltless of all crimes, for that cannot be said of any United States SenatorⒶtextual note, I think, but guiltless of some kinds of crime. They all rob the Treasury by voting for iniquitous pension bills in order to keep on good terms with the Grand Army of the RepublicⒺexplanatory note, and with the Grand Army of the Republic, juniorⒶtextual note Ⓔexplanatory note, and with the Grand Army of the Republic, junior, juniorⒶtextual note, and with other great-grandchildren of the war—and these bills distinctly represent crime, and violated senatorial oaths. However, while I am willing to waive moral rank and associate with the moderately criminal among the SenatorsⒶtextual note—even including Platt and Chauncey Depew—I have to draw the line at Clark of Montana. He has bought legislatures and judges as other men buy food and raiment. By his example, he has so excused and so sweetened corruption that, in Montana, it no [begin page 388] longer has an offensive smell. His history is known to everybody; he is as rotten a human being as can be found anywhere under the flag; he is a shame to the American nation, and no one has helped to send him to the Senate who did not know that his proper place was the penitentiary, with a chain and ball on his legs. To my mind, he is the most disgusting reptile that the republic has produced since Tweed’s timeⒺexplanatory note.

I went to the dinner, which was served in a small private room of the club, with the usual piano and fiddlers present to make conversation difficult, and comfort impossible. I found that the Montana criminal was not merely a guest, but that the dinner was given in his honor. While the feeding was going on two of my elbow-neighborsⒶtextual note supplied me with information concerning the reasons for this tribute of respect to Mr. Clark. Mr. Clark had lately lent to the Union League Club, which is the most powerful political club in America, and perhaps the richest, a million dollars’ worth of European pictures for exhibitionⒺexplanatory note. It was quite plain that my informant regarded this as an act of almost superhuman generosity. One of my informants said, under his breath, and with awe and admiration, that if you should put together all of Mr. Clark’s several generosities to the club, including this gaudy one, the cost to Mr. Clark, first and last, would doubtless amount to a hundred thousand dollars. I saw that I was expected to exclaim, applaud, and adore, but I was not tempted to do it, because I had been informed, five minutes earlier, that Clark’s income, as stated under the worshiping informant’s breath, was thirty million dollars a yearⒺexplanatory note. Human beings have no sense of proportion. A benefaction of a hundred thousand dollars subtracted from an income of thirty million dollars, is not a matter to go into hysterics of admiration and adulation about. If I should contribute ten thousand dollars to a cause, it would be one-ninth of my past year’s income, and I could feel it; as matter for admiration, and wonder, and astonishment, and gratitude, it would far and away outrank a contribution of twenty-five million dollars from the Montana jailbird, who would still have a hundred thousand dollars a week left over from his year’s income to subsist upon. It reminded me of the only instance of benevolence exploded upon the world by the late Jay Gould, that I had ever heard of. When that first and most infamous corrupter of American commercial morals was wallowing in uncountable stolen millions, he contributed five thousand dollars for the relief of the stricken population of Memphis, Tennessee, at a time when an epidemic of yellow fever was raging in that city. Mr. Gould’s contribution cost him no sacrifice; it was only the income of the hour which he daily spent in prayer—for he was a most godly man—yet the storm of worshiping gratitude which welcomed it all over the United States, in the newspaper, the pulpit, and in the private circle, might have persuaded a stranger that for a millionaire American to give five thousand dollars to the dead and dying poor—when he could have bought a circuit judge with it—was the noblest thing in American history, and the holiestⒺexplanatory note.

In time, the President of the Art Committee of the clubⒺexplanatory note rose and began with that aged and long-ago discredited remark that there were not to be any speeches on this occasion, but only friendly and chatty conversation; then he went on, in the ancient and long-ago discredited fashion, and made a speech himself—a speech which was well calculated [begin page 389] to make any sober hearer ashamed of the human race. If a stranger had come in at that time he might have supposed that this was a divine service, and that the Divinity was present. He would have gathered that Mr. Clark was about the noblest human being the great republic had yet produced, and the most magnanimous, the most self-sacrificing, the most limitlessly and squanderingly prodigal benefactor of good causes living in any land to-day. And it never occurred to this worshipperⒶtextual note of money, and money’s possessor, that in effect Mr. Clark had merely dropped a dime into the League’s hat. Mr. Clark couldn’t miss his benefaction any more than he could miss ten cents.

When this wearisome orator had finished his devotions, the President of the Union LeagueⒺexplanatory note got up and continued the service in the same vein, vomiting adulations upon that jailbird which, estimated by any right standard of values, were the coarsest sarcasms, although the speaker was not aware of that. Both of these orators had been applauded all along, but the present one ultimately came out with a remark which I judged would fetch a cold silence, a very chilly chill; he revealed the fact that the expenses of the club’s loan exhibition of the Senator’sⒶtextual note pictures had exceeded the income from the tickets of admission; then he paused—as speakers always do when they are going to spring a grand effect—and said that at that crucial time Senator Clark stepped forward, of his own motion, and put his hand in his pocket and handed out fifteen hundred dollars wherewith to pay half of the insurance on the pictures, and thus the club’s pocket was saved whole. I wish I may never die, if the worshippersⒶtextual note present at this religious service did not break out in grateful applause at that astonishing statement; and I wish I may never permanently die, if the jailbird didn’t smile all over his face and look as radiantly happy as he will look some day when Satan gives him a Sunday vacation in the cold-storageⒶtextual note vault.

Finally, while I was still alive, the President of the club finished his dreary and fatiguing marketing of juvenile commonplaces, and introduced Clark, and sat down. Clark rose to the tune of the “Star-Spangled Banner”Ⓐtextual note—no, it was “God Save the King,”Ⓐtextual note frantically sawed and thumped by the fiddlers and the piano; and this was followed by “For he’s a jolly good fellow,” sung by the whole strength of the happy worshippersⒶtextual note. A miracle followed. I have always maintained that no man could make a speech with nothing but a compliment for a text, but I know now that a reptile can. Senator Clark twaddled, and twaddled, and twaddled along for a full half hourⒶtextual note with no text but those praises which had been lavished upon his trifling generosities; and he not only accepted at par all these silly praises, but added to them a pile—praising his own so-called generosities and magnanimities with such intensity and color that he took the pigment all out of those other men’s compliments and made them look pallid and shadowy. With forty years’ experience of human assfulness and vanity at banquets, I have never seen anything of the sort that could remotely approach the assfulness and complacency of this coarse and vulgar and incomparably ignorant peasant’s glorification of himself.

I shall always be grateful to Jones for giving me the opportunity to be present at these sacred orgies. I had believed that in my time I had seen at banquets all the different kinds of speech-making animals there are, and also all the different kinds of people that go to make our population, but it was a mistake. This was the first time I had ever seen men [begin page 390] get down in the gutter and frankly worship dollars, and their possessors. Of course I was familiar with such things, through our newspapers, but I had never before heard men worship the dollar with their mouths, or seen them on their knees in the act.

Palm Readings. Ⓐtextual note

I believed this to be an error. I believed that this chiropodist had something the matter with him. Certainly it was curious, most curious. By reputation—and notoriously—I possessed that missing quality; and not only possessed it, but inⒶtextual note extravagant, exaggerated, and even monstrous bulk; yet my hand, while naïvelyⒶtextual note giving away all my minor and hardly-discernible characteristics, had been able to entirely hideⒶtextual note my sole prominent hump from the watchful expert. It was as if a blind naturalist should feel and name all the little animals in the menagerie and thenⒶtextual note overlook the elephant. None of the seven palmists found the elephant—full grown. Several of them found him, but only dog-size.

An examination of the following estimates of me will show that the New York palmists have overlooked the elephant, too. This persuades me that the human hand is not to be trusted, except in minor matters. I think Shakspeare’s hand would have glibly and frankly given away all of Shakspeare’s inconspicuous and inconsequential qualities, but keptⒶtextual note his main secret loyallyⒶtextual note unrevealed. I wonder why a hand acts like that? There doesn’t seem to be any sense in it; nor any fairness.Ⓐtextual note To return to the experience of nine years ago.Ⓐtextual note

“DestituteⒶtextual note of the sense of humor.” I could not seem to get over the painⒶtextual note of that unkind verdict. And besides, it was as good as repeated, and rubbed in, by the ominous and offensive silence of the six other verdicts:Ⓐtextual note they gave me a fair and reasonable share of all the other qualities, but never mentioned humor at all. A friend came in—he was a stern and hard person, and as cold as a frog—and he asked me what I was crying about, and I told him about those lies and slanders, and he said I ought to be ashamed of myself to be such a baby at sixty; and then he went on and pointed out to me a thing which I had not thought of before—to witⒶtextual note, the vast force, the cumulative force, the convincing force of a unanimous verdict, when arrived at by seven dispassionate andⒶtextual note unbribed experts, each working independently of the others, in the fear of God, none of them aware of my [begin page 391] name, and all of them with reputations to sustain and families to support.Ⓐtextual note He said that to any intelligent person such a verdict must be final and conclusive; he said that this verdict could not be a lie, but could be an “exposure”—and was. He said he had always believed I was not a humorist, and that I would some day be found out, and now it had happened. He said that by low artifices I had been deceiving and robbingⒶtextual note the people for a quarter of a century; then, after an uncomfortable pause, he asked me if I could hold up my hand and look him in the eye and say this was not so. I tried to do it; but because I couldn’t, on account of rheumatism and strabismus,Ⓐtextual note he said I stood self-convicted. What he chose to call my “confession” awakened his pity, and he urged me to reform and begin a better life, but I tried to appease him with argument. I said it might be that the palmists had been misled by my hand; that if they had known whose hand it was they might have noticed things in it which they had overlooked this time; and I even offered to go in person before another jury of palmistsⒶtextual note and make a new and fairer trial, and see how it would come out. But he said it was a foolish idea, and brushed it away. Still, I think there was reason in it. It is so with the phrenologist: he can tell better when he knows you. I am sure of this; for in London, once, I went to FowlerⒶtextual note Ⓔexplanatory note as “John B. Smith” and he found no humor in me—said there was an excavation where the humor-bump should have been—yet when I went to him three months later as “Mark Twain” he said frankly and with enthusiasm that there was a pyramidⒶtextual note in that place. Now, since knowing me helped a phrenologist, why might it not help a palmist?

I am required to edit Mr. Niblo’s Report.Ⓐtextual note

1.Ⓐtextual note Philosophic mind. True.Ⓐtextual note

2. a. Ⓐtextual note Student of morals, and of man’s nature—in that sense, yes, I am a student, for that studyⒶtextual note is interesting andⒶtextual note enticing, and requires no painful research, no systematic labor, no midnight-oil effects. ButⒶtextual note I have never been a student of anything which required of me wearying and distasteful labor. It is for this reasonⒶtextual note that the relations between me and the multiplication table are strained.

b. Ⓐtextual note The rest of the paragraph is true, in detail and in mass. In the line of high philosophics I was always a thinker, but wasⒶtextual note never regarded by the worldⒶtextual note as the thinker until the course of nature retired Mr. SpencerⒶtextual note Ⓔexplanatory note from the competition.

3. a. Ⓐtextual note “Progressive and far-seeing.” I acknowledge it.

b Ⓐtextual note. “Courageous in an emergency.” That is too general. There are many kinds of emergencies: we are all good in one or two kinds; some are good in several kinds; but the person who is prompt and plucky in all emergencies is—well, non-existent. He has never lived. If a man were drowning, I wouldⒶtextual note promptlyⒶtextual note jump in after him; but if he were falling from a tenth-story window I shouldn’t know enough to stand from under.Ⓐtextual note [begin page 393] You perceive? I am a good and confident swimmer, and have had several emergency-experiences in the water which were of an educating kind, but I have never had a person try to fall on me out of a sky-scraper. Do youⒶtextual note get the idea? The philosophy of it is this: emergency-courage is rather a product of experience than a birthrightⒶtextual note. No person, when new and fresh, has emergency-courage enough to set a gripⒶtextual note on his purse the first time heⒶtextual note is offered a chance to cheaply buy a patent that is going to revolutionize steam—no, it is the subsequent occasions that find him ready with his gun. I repeat—the palmist has been too general. He should have named the kind of emergencies which find my courage ready and unappalled. I am not saying he could not have done this; and there is one thing which in fairness I must concede: that where brevity is required of the palmist, he is obliged to generalize, he cannot particularize.

4. Again. Generalized, this is true of no one; particularized, it is true of everybody. Harshness to Mr. Henry A.Ⓐtextual note Butters of Long ValleyⒶtextual note Ⓔexplanatory note would not grieve my spirit, the spectacle of the King of the Belgians dangling from the gibbet where he belongs would make me grateful. I (along with the whole race) am sensitive (to ridicule and insult); impressionable (where the sex is concerned); reticent (where inconvenient truths are required of me).

5. Again. Generalized thus, this fits the great majority of the human race—including me. It fits the worm, too—to a dot. Read it carefully over, and you will see.

6. I hope that the first sentence is true. Independence of mind is so rare in the world that it may almost be said to be non-existent. I have never known a man who possessed it in any considerable degree. Many thoughtless and shallow people despise the cat—but the cat has it; the cat is the only creature that greatly and grandly possesses it. The last sentence of the paragraph—like the first one—is sharply definite, and is as true as it is definite. I am sure that my buoyancy of spirit is above the average, but is it soberly believable that that fact is set down in the lines of my hand, as by print? My sister, who diedⒶtextual note at a great age, had the same spirit all her life: would Mr. Niblo have discovered it in her hand? My mother,Ⓐtextual note who died at a great age (eighty-eightⒶtextual note), possessed it; it never failed her between the cradle and the grave. Was it written down in her hand? My brother, who died at a great age, possessed not a vestige of it. He moved through a cloud of gloom and depression all his days. Could Mr. Niblo have read that pathetic secret in his hand? I wish I had prints of the family’s hands; I would submit them to judgment with a warm curiosity.

7. We are all proud, in one way or another; we are all honest in some ways and dishonest in others; we are all sincere at times and insincere at other times; we are all ambitious, along one or two narrow lines, but indifferent along all the others. We must throw No. 7 into the generalization-basket.

8. My fondness for experiments and innovations is really above the average, I believe. My mother was like that; my sister, who was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before; my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away. Yes, I think the closing clause of No. [begin page 394] 8 is correct. But the rest of the paragraph contains errors, particularly the part about political andⒶtextual note financial leadership.Ⓐtextual note No kind of leadership could ever be in my line. It would curtail my freedom; also it would make meⒶtextual note work when I did not want to work.Ⓐtextual note My nature would fret and complain and rebel, and I should fail.

10. Last sentence. No one ever said a truer thing. Up to the age of sevenⒶtextual note I was at the point of death nearly all the time, yet could never make it. It made the family tired. Particularly my father, who was of a fine and sensitive nature, and it was difficult for him to bear up under disappointments. In the next eightⒶtextual note years—I am speaking the truth, I give you my word of honor—I was within one gasp of drowning nine different timesⒺexplanatory note, and in additionⒶtextual note was thrice brought to the verge of death by doctors and disease; yet it was all of no use, nothing could avail, it was just one reverse after another, and here I am to this day. With every hope long ago blighted. Are these the reverses that stand written in my hand? I know of no others, of that early time.Ⓐtextual note

13. First sentence. Seems so, from the revelations which I have just made. But how does he findⒶtextual note it out from the flat print of my hand? It is very curious.Ⓐtextual note I have seldom been sick since I was fifteenⒶtextual note; I am sixty-nine now.Ⓐtextual note Third sentence: the inheritance is from my mother’s side. She was a Lampton. No Lampton ever died prematurely, except by courtesy of the sheriff.Ⓐtextual note

Paragraph 2. “Relies absolutely upon itself; in no sense a dependent hand, in no sense a negative hand.” Certainly that is definite enough. And notches the edge of the bull’s-eye, too, let us hope; I am not here to discourage compliments. “Distinguished by great originality of thought.” I could not deny the accuracy of that and be honest. “Never givesⒶtextual note up what is undertaken, no matter how great the opposition.” That is definite; there is no uncertain ring about it. But it is not true. Indeed, it is very far from being true. I call to [begin page 396] mindⒶtextual note not an episode in my life indicating in me—onⒶtextual note even aⒶtextual note single occasion—the presence of an unconquerable persistency. “The remarkable record of the past fifteen Ⓐtextual note years”—very good, that far; stupendously good;Ⓐtextual note to me those years were quite over-remarkable: in worry, in apprehension, in grief, in misfortune piled upon misfortune, disaster upon disaster, the fifteenⒶtextual note outdid all the fifty-fourⒶtextual note that preceded them put together. If the palmist had only stopped at that point! He would have scored handsomely—albeit indefinitely; but when he goes on to explain why the fifteenⒶtextual note were remarkable, it is a most sad drop from the impressive to the commonplace, and the result of that indiscreet drop is that the remarkableness of the fifteenⒶtextual note entirely disappears. “Many plans suggested—no time or opportunity to execute the half of them;” dear me, it happens to everybody, there is nothing remarkable about it.

4. “Long life-line; inherited longevity from one side of the family; illnesses are few.” All definite and correct. He and Mr. Niblo are in agreement upon these points.

8. First sentence. I hope it is true; also, I believe it is.

9. “Will not be moved from a purpose when a principle is at stake.” Perhaps it comes near to being true; still, I think it is a little too sweeping, and a trifle too strong.

10. “Indifferent?” No, that would be against nature. The man who has made either a good impression or a bad one upon the public mind may be outwardly tranquil about it, but never inwardly indifferent.

1.Ⓐtextual note “Good man,” large man, little man. Phrases of this kind have no meaning. They furnish no definiteⒶtextual note measure of the thing mentioned. There was never an average manⒶtextual note whom these phrases would not fit. Every averageⒶtextual note man is good—by comparison with one or another of his neighbors; and large or little, by comparison with undergrowns and overgrownsⒶtextual note.

2. This abolishes No. 1. It exposes the fact that I am not good, but am merely equipped with certain “tendencies and ambitions”Ⓐtextual note in that direction—size of the tendencies and ambitions not specified.

3. That is the age of my spirit, not of my body.Ⓐtextual note

4. A little vague. Does it mean that when a person possesses average physical strength his body should never be unduly taxed? If that is it, then it ought to have specified the circumstances under which it should be unduly and recklessly taxed. In case the emergency should arise.

5. Definite—also accurate.

6. Definite. But on the whole doubtful, I think.

7. That about the clay is all right.

8. Fatally indefinite. Judgment of what—not stated. Apples? literature?Ⓐtextual note weather? whisky? theology? hotels? emperors? oysters? horses? As regards emperors and weather my judgment is better than any other person’s, but as regards all other things I know it to be bad.

9. The first clause of the sentence is true, but what has the rest of the sentence to do with it? I am tender-hearted notwithstanding I have strong convictions—convictions of what? and why couldn’t I be tender-hearted without having any convictions at all, or any teeth, or real estate?Ⓐtextual note “Convictions” is manifestly the wrong word. It may easily be that I am tender-hearted notwithstanding I am bald-headed, for of course that could mean something, but I don’t think “convictions” means anything, in that place.

10. I have already remarkedⒶtextual note upon the emptiness of phrases like “presence of mind” when used in a general and unparticularized way.

11. Exactly and remarkably true—of everybody’s lungs.

12. Does it mean that I have a strong pulse? In that case it is an error. I have a sort of a kind of a pulse, it is true, but not every doctor can find it and swear to it. The Marienbad specialist felt around over my breast and backⒶtextual note and abdomen and said with quite unnecessary frankness that he could not prove that I hadn’t a heart, but that if I had one it would be an advantage to trade it for a potatoⒶtextual note.

13. “Exquisitely moulded.” It is hereditary in the family. Exquisitely moulded and attractive, people often say. Some have thought me the most attractive thing in the [begin page 399] universe except that mysterious andⒶtextual note wonderful force which draws all matter toward its throne in the sun, the Attraction of Gravitation; others go even further, and think I am that sublimeⒶtextual note force itself. These commonly speak of me as the Centre of Gravity. Over great stretches of the earth’s surface I am known by no name but that—the Centre of Gravity. It pleases me and makes me happy, but I often feel that it may not be true. God knows. It is not for me to say.

15. If this is not a heedless use of words—if human nature is really meant and not character—this is the best guess yet. The nature of man is the one sole thing that I do know, down to the bottom. I know the secretest secrets of man’s heart, I know all its impulses, its deep workings, its shallow workings, its honesties, its sincerities, its consciousⒶtextual note shams, its unconscious shams, its innocent self-delusions, its boundless and bottomless vanities. That is to say, I know my own heart perfectly. I have studied it through years and years of eager and consuming interest,Ⓐtextual note and I know it to be the average heart. In other words, I know the machine that is shut up inside of a man, and what it can do; but I can’t tell by the look of the man’s outside what it will do. Some can tell, by a look at the outside, which parts of the hidden machine—the good ones or the evil ones—get the most work to do; these are the observers who are able to read character, these are theⒶtextual note people who areⒶtextual note able to judge men. I am not of those. I am a pretty poor judge of men by their outsides; I can seldom tell a Butters from an honest man by looking at him. A Countess MassigliaⒶtextual note cannot deceive me, it is true,Ⓐtextual note but that is nothing; that species cannot evenⒶtextual note deceive a detective.Ⓐtextual note

16. “Remembers dates perfectly.” Now that is distinctly curious. I do remember dates pretty well—rather unusually well, perhaps—but there is nothing else that I can keep in my memory. Am I to believe that my hand knows that odd fact and is able to communicate it to a palmist?

18. I will think this overⒶtextual note and see if it is true, before committing myself.

19 and 20.Ⓐtextual note It would be useless for me to deny these;Ⓐtextual note few would believe me.

21. If the first half of the remark is true, it goes without saying that the other half isn’t.

23. Philosopher again. This is cumulative evidence, and has high value. It is easy to see that there is something in palmistry. I wrote a philosophy six years ago, after studying my subject fifteen years. All this time I have kept that manuscript hidden away in a secret placeⒺexplanatory note, lest itsⒶtextual note character become known and I get exterminated. And now my hand has betrayed my secret. It is a strange kind of treachery, and not pleasant.

25 and 26.Ⓐtextual note I have examined this vague generalization in my comments upon Mr. Niblo’s “reading.”

27. I am not conspicuously reserved; and not secretive at all, except when I have been doing things which are better left unpublished. We are all like that.

28. We will allow that slander to pass.

29 and 30.Ⓐtextual note Pretty wide of the mark. Even if it were true, how would my right hand know what my left hand doeth?Ⓐtextual note It is my right hand that is under examination, and is quite too “fresh.” It knows nothing about the matter.

32. “Fond of joking. Laughs at good ones.” Is that all? It describes the entire human [begin page 400] race. So, that elephantⒶtextual note has shrunken to next-to-nothing-and-none-to-carry again. The preceding experts overlooked him altogether. I think it is not kind.

33. This takes away some of the pain, but not all of it.

34. But this removes the last pang. If I can do that, I am satisfied. To be called a philosopher has pleased me; to be recognized as a theologian fills my cup.

35. They all agree upon long life for me. I do not much mind the ninety-fiveⒶtextual note, but I doⒶtextual note not like the “at least.” Ninety-five is plentyⒶtextual note; if I may, I will stand pat at that.

NOTE. To none of the experts has my hand revealed the fact that I have a passion for music—a passion restricted to a single kind of music: the sombre, the solemn, the melancholy. Indeed, music is not even mentioned. It seems very curious, very strange, that my hand should be so reserved about my couple of dearly-prized and stately possessions, Music and Humor.Ⓐtextual note

Has there been a mistake? Is it not possible that the experts got my hand-prints mixed with other people’s hand-prints, and have examined some of those for mine and have not examined mine at all? I think it possible; indeed I know it is, for it is a thing which has happened in at least one case, to my knowledge. It occurred in Italy, and is celebrated.Ⓐtextual note Americans who were sojourning in Italy in those days, will remember the stir it made, the joy, the laughter, the rain of delighted tears! The expert mixed his hand-prints, and by accidentⒶtextual note attached his reading of Queen Marguerite’s to the Countess Raybaudi-Ⓐtextual noteMassiglia’s printsⒺexplanatory note—with electrifying results! It painted the Queen’s character as it was, and is: lofty, just, merciful, honest, honorable, gracious, generous, gentle, stainless—and then innocently labeled it with the notorious American’s name!