The Emperor’s dinner in Berlin at which Mr. Clemens is chief guest, and feels that he may have offended the EmperorⒶtextual note by a possible slight breach of royal etiquette—although the Empress DowagerⒶtextual note and the reigning EmpressⒶtextual note afterwards invite him to breakfast, etc. ElevenⒶtextual note or twelveⒶtextual note years later, at a dinner given by the proprietor of the Staats-Zeitung Ⓐtextual note for Prince Henry when he visited this country, Mr. Clemens was not seated at the state table.
Two months ago (December 6)Ⓐtextual note I was dictating a brief account of a private dinner in Berlin, where the Emperor of Germany was host and I the chief guest. Something happened day before yesterdayⒺexplanatory note which moves me to take up that matter again. The additions which I shall now make can appear in print after I am dead, but not before. From 1891 until day before yesterday, I had never mentioned them in print, nor set them down with a pen, nor ever referred to them in any way with my mouth—not even to my wife, to whom I was accustomed to tell everything that happened to me.Ⓐtextual note
At the dinner hisⒶtextual note Majesty chatted briskly and entertainingly along in easy and flowing English, and now and then he interrupted himself to address a remark to me, or to some other individual of the guests. When the reply had been delivered, he resumed his talk. I noticed that the table etiquette tallied with that which was the law of my house at home when we had guests: that is to say, the guests answered when the host favored them with a remark, and then quieted down and behaved themselves until they got another chance. If I had been in the Emperor’sⒶtextual note chair and he in mine, I should have felt infinitely comfortable and at home, and should have done a world of talking, and done [begin page 431] it well; but I was guest now, and consequently IⒶtextual note felt less at home. From old experience, I was familiar with the rules of the game, and familiar with their exercise from the high place of host; but I was not familiar with the trammeledⒶtextual note and less satisfactory position of guest, therefore I felt a little strangeⒶtextual note and out of place. But there was no animosity—no, the EmperorⒶtextual note was host, therefore according to my own rule he had a right to do the talking, and it was my honorable duty to intrude no interruptions or other improvements, except upon invitation; and of course it could be my Ⓐtextual note turn some day:Ⓐtextual note some day, on some friendly visit of inspection to America, it might be my pleasure and distinction to have him as guest at my table; then I would give him a rest, and a remarkablyⒶtextual note quiet time.
In one way there was a difference between his table and mine—for instance, atmosphere; the guests stood in awe of him, and naturally they conferred that feeling upon me, for, after all, I am only human, although I regret it. When a guest answered a question he did it with deferential voice and manner; he did not put any emotion into it, and he did not spin it out, but got it out of his system as quickly as he could, and then looked relieved. The EmperorⒶtextual note was used to this atmosphere, and it did not chill his blood; maybe it was an inspiration to him, for he was alert, brilliant,Ⓐtextual note and full of animation; also he was most gracefully and felicitously complimentary to my books,—and I will remark here that the happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another. In that other chapter I mentioned the high compliment which he paid to the book, but there were others; among them some gratifyingⒶtextual note praise of my description in “A Tramp Abroad” of certain striking phases of German student lifeⒺexplanatory note. I mention these things here because I shall have occasion to hark back to them presently.
Fifteen or twenty minutes before the dinner ended the EmperorⒶtextual note made a remark to me in praise of our generous soldier-pensionsⒶtextual note; then without pausing he continued the remark, not speaking to me but across the table to his brother, Prince Heinrich. The PrinceⒶtextual note replied, endorsing the Emperor’sⒶtextual note view of the matter. Then I intrudedⒶtextual note my own view of it. I said that in the beginning our Government’s generosity to the soldier was clean in its intent, and praiseworthy, since the pensions were conferred upon soldiers who had earned them, soldiers who had been disabled in the war and could no longer earn a livelihood for themselves and their families; but that the pensions decreed and added later lacked the virtue of a clean motive, and had little by little degenerated into a wider and wider and more and more offensive system of vote-purchasingⒶtextual note Ⓔexplanatory note, and was now become a source of corruption which was an unpleasant thing to contemplate, and was a danger, besides. I think that that was about the substance of my remark; but, in any case, the remark had a quite definite result, and that is the memorable thing about it—manifestly it made everybody uncomfortable. I seemed to perceive this quite plainly. I had committed an indiscretion. Possibly it was in violating etiquette by intruding a remark when I had not been invited to make one; possibly it was in taking issue with an opinion promulgated by hisⒶtextual note MajestyⒺexplanatory note. I do not know which it was, but I quite clearly remember the effect which my act produced, to wit: the EmperorⒶtextual note refrained from addressing any remarks to me afterward; and not merely during the brief remainder of the dinner, but afterward in the kneip-room where [begin page 432] beer and cigars and hilarious anecdoting prevailed until about midnight. I am sure that the Emperor’sⒶtextual note good-night was the only thing he said to me in all that time.
Was this lengthy rebuke studied and intentional? I don’t know, but I regarded it in that way. I can’t be absolutely sure of it, because of modifying doubts created afterwards by one or two circumstances. For example: the Empress DowagerⒶtextual note invited me to her palace, and the reigning EmpressⒶtextual note invited me to breakfast, and also sent GeneralⒶtextual note von Versen to invite me toⒶtextual note come to her palace and read to her and her ladies from my books. I was not able to do any of these things, because I was ailing, and was soon abed with an inflammationⒶtextual note of my port lung which kept me there thirty-four days and came exceedingly near to closing my sojourn in this world; so near that when the physicians ordered me to leave Berlin and go to the Riviera I was reluctant to pay my railway fare in advance, because I did not believe I was going to live to finish the trip. I am aware that it would be most unlikely that the Kaiser’s EmpressⒶtextual note would invite to breakfast with her a person who had acquired the Kaiser’s disapproval—most unlikely—perhaps even impossible.
All this was in 1891. Eleven or twelve years later Prince Heinrich came over and made a brilliant progress through America. At two of the dinners given in his honor, and where I was one of the guests, no speeches were made, but at another one the case was different. This was a prodigious banquet given by the wealthy proprietor of the Staats-Zeitung Ⓐtextual note Ⓔexplanatory note to newspaper men of distinction drawn from all large American cities. At that banquet I found myself placed,Ⓐtextual note not at the state table with the other notorieties, as usual, but on the main floor among the human race. My vanity was profoundly hurt. The like of this had not happened to me for thirty-five years. By and by George W. SmalleyⒺexplanatory note came over and said to me,
“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you up yonder?”
I said mournfully, “Because I was not invited.”
“You don’t mean it! What ass is engineering this affair?”
“I don’t know which one it is, but I think it’s Ridder.”
“Oh no, Ridder would know better. It must be the blunder of a subordinate. What toast are you going to respond to?”
“None. I have not been invited.”
“Oh come!”
“No—it is as I say. I have not been invited.”
“Do you know, it has an incredible look. There isn’t a man at that state table of any real distinction; they are second-rates and third-rates, every one; they are mere semi-notorieties, evanescents, and of no lasting consequence. Ridder’s understudyⒶtextual note seems to have raked the town to find artificial ornaments for his state table. Why have you been left out? How do you account for it?”
“Perhaps it’s because I don’t belong in that class. But it is as it should be, Smalley; I shouldn’tⒶtextual note feel at home in that inferiorⒶtextual note company.”
This was light talk. But atⒶtextual note bottom, my vanity was sharply wounded. I was ashamed to be seen down there among all those common people. They would go back home, all over America, and tell about it, and perhaps think they had found out that I was not as [begin page 433] important a personage in New York as the country had been deceived into believing. Midway of the banquet I felt that I could not endure theⒶtextual note situation any longer, I must go out and cry. So I got up and walked down the central aisle toward a distant door of refuge, and then aⒶtextual note thing happened which filled me with joy, and enabled me to show off—and I would rather show off, any time, than save a human life: a multitude of those journalists rose up and flocked after me and crowded that place of refuge whither I went, and shook hands with me, and praised me, and made me ineffably comfortable and contented, for I knew that in that whole house there wasn’t another person that could call out that demonstration except the chief guest, the Imperial PrinceⒶtextual note, brother of an emperor! I went back to my humble seat healed, comforted, satisfied, all my bitter venom turned to sugar and molasses. On my way up the aisle the PrinceⒶtextual note discovered me and sent an aide-de-camp to ask me to come up and see him, which I did. He was very cordial, very pleasant, and asked me to come to the withdrawing-room when the banquet should be over,Ⓐtextual note and have a talk. I did it. But he never mentioned the EmperorⒶtextual note, and didn’t bring any messages. I judged that Ridder’s blasphemous treatment of me was now explained. I judged that originally he must have placed my name among the speakers—he naturally would; that in accordance with royal etiquette the list would have to be submitted to the PrinceⒶtextual note; that the PrinceⒶtextual note had remembered the crime or crimes which I had committed so long before, in Berlin, and had crossed my name out with his blue-pencil.
Something happened day before yesterday] See the Autobiographical Dictation of 12 February 1907.
my description in “A Tramp Abroad” . . . of German student life] Mark Twain discussed German student life in chapters 4–7 and appendix C of A Tramp Abroad (1880), drawing on his family’s residence in Heidelberg in May–July 1878.
our generous soldier-pensions . . . offensive system of vote-purchasing] See the Autobiographical Dictation of 15 January 1907 and the notes at 371.42–372.15, 372.29, and 372.37.
I had committed an indiscretion. Possibly . . . in taking issue with an opinion promulgated by his Majesty] In the Autobiographical Dictation of 29 March 1906, Clemens claims that his offense on this occasion was an ill-timed exclamation concerning a potato ( AutoMT1 456).
Prince Heinrich came over . . . prodigious banquet given by the wealthy proprietor of the Staats-Zeitung] Prince Heinrich of Prussia (1862–1929), the brother of Kaiser Wilhelm II, toured the United States in February–March 1902 and was lavishly entertained. Clemens claims to have attended three dinners in the prince’s honor, but only two have been identified: one given by Mayor Low of New York on 25 February, and the one described at length in this dictation, given on 26 February by Herman Ridder (1851–1915), publisher and editor of the New-Yorker Staats-Zeitung, America’s foremost German-language newspaper. Ridder’s banquet, at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, was attended by more than twelve hundred editors and publishers (New York Times: “Prince Guest of Mayor,” 26 Feb 1902, 2; “Press of America Honors Prince Henry,” 27 Feb 1902, 1).
Source documents.
TS1 ribbon Typescript, leaves numbered 1812–21, made from Hobby’s notes and revised.TS1 carbon (incomplete) Typescript carbon, leaves numbered 1812–15 (part of 1815 and 1816–21 are missing), revised: ‘Monday . . . them presently.’ (430 title–431.22).
NAR 14pf (lost) Galley proofs of NAR 14, typeset from the revised TS1 carbon and further revised (conjecturally); now lost.
NAR 14 North American Review 184 (15 March 1907), 567–68: ‘Monday . . . 1907’ (430 title); ‘Two months . . . them presently.’ (430.23–431.22).
TS1 ribbon was made by Hobby from her notes, and revised by Clemens; Clemens then transferred his revisions (exactly, for a change) to TS1 carbon. Although on the first page of TS1 ribbon Clemens wrote ‘Suppress this until my death’, on TS1 carbon he selected a passage which was quickly bundled into NAR 14, where it joined Clemens’s other reminiscences of Kaiser Wilhelm II (from the ADs of 6 December 1906, 17 December 1906, and 12 February 1907) and an excerpt from AD, 17 January 1906. Page 1815 of TS1 carbon was cut below the selected text and sent to the North American Review; the pages of TS1 carbon that were not used as NAR printer’s copy are now lost.
Galley proofs of NAR 14 are missing. Consequently, there is no physical record of certain alterations (like the deletion at 430.25–29 or the addition of ‘remarkably’ at 431.8), which were evidently made on the galleys, and whose authorship has to be conjectured on a case-by-case basis.
Marginal Notes on TS1 ribbon and TS1 carbon Concerning Publication in NAR
the page was cut and only the top portion was sent to the North American Review