In the Queen’s Dungeons
Well, I arranged all that; and I had the man sent to his home. I had a great desire to rack the executioner; not because he was a good, pains-taking and pain-givingⒶrejected substantive official,—for surely it was not to his discredit that he performed his functions well—but to pay him back for wantonly cuffing and otherwise distressing that young woman. The priests told me about this, and were generously hot to have him punished. Something of this disagreeable sort was turning up, every now and then: I mean, episodes that showed that not all priests were frauds and self-seekers, but that many, even the greatⒶemendation majority, of [begin page 207] thoseⒶrejected substantive Ⓐalteration in the MS that were down on the groundⒶalteration in the MS among the common people, were sincere, and right-hearted, and devoted to the alleviation of human troubles and sufferings. Well, it was a thing which could not be helped, so I seldom fretted about it, andⒶalteration in the MS never many minutes at a time; it has never been my way to bother much about things which you can’t cure. But I did not like it, for it was just the sort of thing to keep a peopleⒶrejected substantive reconciled to an Established Church. We must have a religion—it goes without saying—but my idea is, to have it cut up into forty free sects, so that they willⒶalteration in the MS police each other, as had been the case in the United States in my time. Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that, it is nursed, coddledⒶrejected substantive Ⓐtextual note, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition. That wasn’t law, it wasn’t gospel: it was only an opinion—my opinion, and I was only a man, one man: so it wasn’t worth any more than the pope’s—or any less, for that matter.
Well, I couldn’t rack the executioner, neither would I overlook the just complaint of the priests. The man must be punished somehow or other, so I degraded him from his office and made him leader of the band—the new one that was to be started. He begged hard, and said he couldn’t play—a plausible excuse, but too thin: there wasn’t a musician in the country that could.
The queen was a good deal outraged, next morning,Ⓐalteration in the MS when she found she was going to have neither Hugo’s life nor his property. But I told her she must bear this cross; that whileⒶalteration in the MS by law and custom she certainly was entitled to bothⒶalteration in the MS the man’s life and his property, thereⒶalteration in the MS were extenuatingⒶrejected substantive circumstances, and so, in Arthur the king’s name I had pardoned him. The deer was ravaging the man’sⒶalteration in the MS fields, and he had killed it in sudden passion, and not for gain; and he had carried it into the royal forest in the hope that that mightⒶalteration in the MS make detection of the misdoer impossible. Confound her, I couldn’t make her see that sudden passion is an extenuating circumstance in the killing of venison,—or of a person—Ⓐalteration in the MSso I gave it up, and let her sulk it out. I did think I was going to make her see it by remarkingⒶalteration in the MS that her ownⒶalteration in the MS sudden passion in the case of the page modified that crime.
“Crime!” she exclaimedⒶalteration in the MS. “How thou talkest! Crime, forsooth! Man, I amⒶalteration in the MS going to pay for him!”Ⓐalteration in the MS
[begin page 208]Oh, it was no use to waste sense on her. Training—training is everything; training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature; what we call by that misleadingⒶalteration in the MS name is merely heredity andⒶalteration in the MS training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own: they are transmitted to us,Ⓐalteration in the MS trained into us. All that is original in us, and therefore fairly creditable or discreditable to us,Ⓐalteration in the MS can be covered upⒶalteration in the MS and hidden by the point of a cambric needle, all the rest being atoms contributedⒶalteration in the MS by, and inherited from, a procession of ancestors that stretches back a billionⒶemendation years to the Adam-clam or grasshopper or monkey from whom our race has been so tediously and ostentatiously and unprofitably developed. And as for me, all that I think about in this plodding sad pilgrimage, this pathetic drift between the eternities,Ⓐalteration in the MS is to look out and humbly live a pure and high and blameless life, and save that one microscopicⒶalteration in the MS atom in me that is truly me: Ⓐalteration in the MS the rest may land in SheolⒶemendation Ⓐtextual note and welcome,Ⓐalteration in the MS for allⒶalteration in the MS I care.
No, confound her, her intellect was good, she had brains enough, but her training made her an ass—that is, from a many-centuries-later point of view. To kill the page was no crime—it was her right; and upon her right she stood, serenely, and unconscious of offenceⒶemendation. She was a result of generationsⒶalteration in the MS of training in the unexamined and unassailed belief that the law which permitted her to kill a subject when she chose was a perfectly right and righteous one.
Well, we must give even Satan his due. She deserved a compliment for one thing; and I tried to pay it, but the words stuck in my throat. She had a right to kill the boy, but she was in no wise obliged to pay for him. That was law for some other people, but not for her. She knew quite well that she was doing a large and generous thing to pay for that lad, and that I ought in common fairness to come out with something handsome about it, but I couldn’t—my mouth refused. I couldn’t help seeing in my fancy, that poor old grandam with the broken heart, and that fair young creature lying butchered, his little silkenⒶalteration in the MS pomps and vanities laced with his golden blood. How could she pay for him? Whom could she pay? And soⒶalteration in the MS, well knowing that this woman, trained as she had been, deserved praise, even adulation, I was yet not able to utter it, trained as I had been. The best I could do was to fish up a compliment from outside, so to speak—and the pity of it was, that it was true:
[begin page 209]“Madame, your people will adore you for this.”
Quite true, but I meant to hang her for it some day, if I lived. Some of those laws were too bad, altogether too bad. A master might kill his slaveⒺexplanatory note for nothing: for mere spite, malice, or to pass the time—just as we have seen that the crowned head could do itⒶalteration in the MS with his slave, that is to say, anybodyⒶemendation. A gentleman could kill a free commoner, and pay for him—cash or garden-truck. A noble could kill a noble without expense, as far as the law was concerned, but reprisals in kind were to be expected. Anybody could kill somebody, except the commoner and the slave: these had no privileges. If they killed, it was murder, and the law wouldn’t stand murder. It made short work of the experimenter—and of his family too, if he murdered somebody who belonged up among the ornamentalⒶalteration in the MS ranks. If a commoner gave a noble even so much as a Damiens scratch which didn’t kill or even hurt,Ⓐalteration in the MS he got Damiens’s dose for it just the same: they pulled him to rags and tattersⒶalteration in the MS with horses, and all the world came to see the show, and crack jokes, and have a good time; and some of the performances of the best people presentⒶalteration in the MS were as toughⒶalteration in the MS, and as properly unprintable, as any that have beenⒶalteration in the MS printed by the pleasant Casanova in his chapter about the dismemberment of Louis XV.’s poor awkward enemyⒺexplanatory note.
I had had enough of this grisly place by this time, and wanted to leave, but I couldn’t, because I had something on my mind that my conscience kept prodding me about, and wouldn’t let me forget. If I [begin page 210] had the remaking of man, he wouldn’t have any conscience. It is one of the most disagreeable things connected with a person; and although it certainly does doⒶrejected substantive Ⓐtextual note a great deal of good, it cannot be said to pay, in the long run; it would be muchⒶalteration in the MS better to have less good and more comfort. Still, this is only my opinion, and I am only one man; others, with less experience, may think differently. They have a right to their view. I only stand to this: I have noticed my conscience for many years, and I know it is more trouble and bother to me than anything else I started with. I suppose that in the beginning I prized it, because we prize anything that is ours; and yet how foolish it was to think so. If we look at it in another way, we see how absurd it is: if I had an anvilⒶalteration in the MS in me, would I prize it? Of course not. And yet when you come to think,Ⓐalteration in the MS there is no real difference between a conscience and an anvil—I mean, for comfort.Ⓐalteration in the MS I have noticed it a thousand times. And you could dissolve an anvil with acids, whenⒶalteration in the MS you couldn’tⒶemendation stand it any longer; but there isn’t any way that you can work off a conscience—at least so it will stay worked offⒶalteration in the MS; not thatⒶemendation I know of, anyway.
There was something I wanted to do before leaving, but it was a disagreeable matter, and I hated to go at it. Well, it bothered me all the morning.Ⓐalteration in the MS I could have mentionedⒶalteration in the MS it to the old king, but what would be the use?—he was but an extinct volcano; he had been active in his time, but his fireⒶalteration in the MS was out, this good while, he was only a stately ash-pileⒶemendation, now: gentle enough, and kindly enoughⒶalteration in the MS for my purpose, without doubt, but not usable. He was nothing, this so-calledⒶemendation king: the queen was the only power there. And she was a Vesuvius. As a favor, she might consent to warm a flock of sparrows for you, but then she might take that very opportunity to turn herself loose and bury a city. However, I reflected that as often as any other way, when you are expecting the worst, you get something that is not so bad, after all.
So I braced up and placed my matter before her royal Highness. I said I had been having a general jail delivery at Camelot and among neighboring castles, and with her permission I would like to examine her collection, her bricabrac—that is to say,Ⓐalteration in the MS her prisoners. She resisted; but I was expecting that. But she finally consented: I was expecting that, too, but not so soon. That about ended my discomfort. She called her guards and torches, and we went down into the dungeonsⒺexplanatory note. These were down under the castle’s foundations, and mainly [begin page 211] were smallⒶalteration in the MS cells hollowed out of the living rock. Some of these cells had no light at all. In one of themⒶalteration in the MS was a woman, in foulⒶalteration in the MS rags, who sat on the ground, and would not answer a question, or speak a word, but only looked up at us, once or twice, through a cobweb of tangled hair, as if to see what casual thing it might be that was disturbing with sound and light the meaningless dull dream that was become her life; after that, she sat bowed, with her dirt-caked fingers idly interlocked in her lap, and gave no further sign. This poor rack of bones was a woman of middle age, apparently; but only apparently: she had been there nine years, and was eighteen when she entered. She was a commoner, and had been sent here on her bridal night by Sir Breuse Sance PitéⒶalteration in the MS,Ⓐemendation a neighboring lord whoseⒶalteration in the MS vassal her father was, and to which said lord she had refusedⒶalteration in the MS what has since been called le droit du Seigneur; and moreover, had opposed violence to violence and spilt half a gill of his almost sacred blood. The young husband had interfered, at that point, believing the bride’s life in danger, and had flung the noble out into the midst of the humble and trembling wedding guests in the parlor,Ⓐalteration in the MS and left him there astonished at this strange treatment, and implacably embittered against both bride and groom. The saidⒶalteration in the MS lord, being cramped for dungeon-room, hadⒶalteration in the MS asked the queen to accommodate his two criminals, and here in her bastile they had been ever since; hither, indeed, they had come before their crime was an hour old, and hadⒶalteration in the MS never seen each other since. Here they were, kerneled like toads in the same rock; they had passed nine pitch dark years within fifty feet of each other, yet neither knew whether the other was alive or notⒶalteration in the MS. All the first years, their only question had been—asked with beseechings and tears that might have moved stones, in time, perhaps, but hearts are not stones: “Is he alive?” “IsⒶemendation she alive?” But they had never got an answer; and at last that question was not asked any more—or any other.
I wanted to see the man, after hearing all this. He was thirty-four years old, and looked sixty. He sat upon a squared block of stone, with his headⒶalteration in the MS bent down, his forearms resting on his knees, his long hair hanging like a fringe before his face, and he was muttering to himself. He raised his chin and looked us slowly over, in a listless dull way, blinking with the distress of the torch-lightⒶemendation, then dropped his head and fell to muttering again and took no further notice of us. There were some pathetically suggestive dumb witnesses present. On [begin page 212] his wrists and ancles were cicatrices, old smooth scars, and fastened to the stone on which he sat was a chain with manacles and fetters attached; but this apparatus lay idle on the ground, and was thick with rust. Chains cease to be neededⒶalteration in the MS, after the spirit has gone out of a prisoner.
I could not rouse the man; so I said we would take him to her, and see—to the bride who was the fairest thing in the earth to him, once—roses, pearls and dew made flesh, for him; a wonder-work, the master-work of Nature: with eyes like no other eyes, and a voiceⒶrejected substantive like no other voice, and a freshness, and lithe young grace, and beauty, that belonged properly to the creatures of dreams—as he thought—and to no other. The sight of her would set his stagnant blood leaping; the sight of her—
But it was a disappointment. They sat together on the ground and looked dimly wondering into each other’s faces a whileⒶalteration in the MS, with a sort of weak animal curiosity; then forgot each other’s presence, and dropped their eyes, and you saw that they were away again, and wandering in some far land of dreams and shadows that we knowⒶalteration in the MS nothing about.
I had them taken out and sent to their friends. The queen did not like it much. Not that she felt any personal interest in the matter, but she thought it disrespectful to Sir Breuse Sance Pité.Ⓐalteration in the MS However, I assured her that if he found he couldn’t stand it I would fix him so that he could.
I set forty-sevenⒶalteration in the MS prisoners loose out of those awful rat-holes, and left only one in captivity. He was a lord, and had killed another lord, a sort of kinsman of the queen. That other lord had ambushed him to assassinate him, but this fellow had got the best of him and cut his throat. However, it was not for that that I left him jailed, but for maliciously destroying the only public well in one of his wretched villages. The queen was bound to hang him for killing her kinsman, but I would notⒶalteration in the MS allow it: it was no crime to kill an assassin. But I saidⒶalteration in the MS I was willing to let her hang him for destroying the well; so she concluded toⒶalteration in the MS put up with that, as it was better than nothing.
Dear me, for what trifling offencesⒶemendation the most of those forty-sevenⒶalteration in the MS men and women were shut up there! Indeed some were there for no distinct offence at all, but only to gratify somebody’s spite; and not always the queen’s, by any means, but a friend’s. The newest pris- [begin page 213] oner’s crime was a mere remark which he had made. He said he believedⒶalteration in the MS that men were about all alike, and one man as good as another, barring clothes. He said he believed that if you were to strip the nation naked and send a stranger through the crowd, he couldn’t tell the king from a quack doctor, nor a duke from a hotel clerk. Apparently here was a man whose brains had not been reduced to an ineffectual mush by idiotic training.Ⓐalteration in the MS I set him loose at once,Ⓐrejected substantive Ⓐtextual note Ⓐalteration in the MS and sent him to the Factory.
Some of the cells, carved in the living rock, were just behindⒶalteration in the MS the face of the precipice, and in each of these an arrow-slit had been pierced outwardⒶalteration in the MS to the daylight, and so the captive had a thin ray [begin page 214] from the blessed sun for his comfort. The case of one of these poor fellows was particularly hard. From his dusky swallow’s-holeⒶalteration in the MS high up in that vast wall of native rock he could peer out through the arrow-slitⒶalteration in the MS and see his own home off yonder in the valley; and for twenty-two years he had watched it, with heart-ache and longing, through that crack. He could see the lights shine there at night, and in the daytime he could see figures go in and come out—his wife and children, some of them, no doubt, though he could not make out, at that distance. In the course of years he noted festivities there, and tried to rejoice, and wondered if they were weddings, or what they might be. And he noted funerals; and they wrung his heart. He could make out the coffin, but he could not determine its size, and so could not tell whether it was wife or child. He could see the procession form, with priests and mourners, and move solemnly away, bearing the secret with them. He had left behind him five children and a wife; and in nineteen years he had seen five funerals issue, and none of them humble enough in pomp to denote a servant. So he had lost five of his treasures; there must still be one remaining—one now infinitely, unspeakably precious,—but which one? wife, or child? That was the question that tortured him, by night and by day, asleep and awake. Well, to have an interest, of some sort, and half a ray of light, when you are in a dungeon, is a great support to the body and preserver of the intellect. This man was in pretty good condition yet. By the time he had finished telling me his distressful tale, I was in the same state of mind that you would have been in, yourself,Ⓐalteration in the MS if you have got average human curiosity: that is to say, I was as burning up as he was, to find out which member of the family it was, thatⒶalteration in the MS was left. So I took him over home myself; and an amazing kind of a surprise party it was, too—typhoons and cyclones of frantic joy, and whole Niagaras of happy tears: and by George we found theⒶalteration in the MS aforetime young matron graying toward the imminent verge of her half-century, and the babies all men and women, and some of them married and experimenting family-wise themselves—for not a soul of the tribeⒶtextual note was dead! Conceive of the ingenious devilishness of that queen: she had a special hatred for this prisoner, and she had invented all those funerals herself, to scorch his heart with; and the sublimest strokeⒶalteration in the MS of genius of the whole thing was leaving the family-invoice a funeralⒶalteration in the MS short Ⓐalteration in the MS, so as to let him wear his poor old soul out guessing.Ⓐalteration in the MS
[begin page 215]But for me, he never would have got out. Morgan le Fay hated him with her whole heart, and she never would have softened toward him. And yet his crime was committed more in thoughtlessness than deliberate depravity. He had said she had red hair. Well, she had; but that was no way to speak of it. When red-headedⒶemendation people are above a certain socialⒶalteration in the MS grade, their hair is auburn.
Consider it: amongⒶalteration in the MS these forty-sevenⒶalteration in the MS captives, there were five whose names, offences, and dates of incarceration were no longer known! One woman and four men—all bent, and wrinkled, and mind-extinguishedⒶalteration in the MS patriarchs. They themselves had long ago forgotten these details; at anyⒶalteration in the MS rate they had mere vague theories about them, nothing definite, and nothing that they repeated twice in the same way. The succession of priests whose office it had been to pray daily with the captivesⒶalteration in the MS, and remind themⒶalteration in the MS that God had put them there, for some wise purpose or other,Ⓐalteration in the MS and teachⒶalteration in the MS them that patience, humbleness, and submission to oppression was what He loved to see in parties of a subordinate rank, had traditions about these poor old human ruins, but nothing more. These traditions went but little way, for they concerned the length of the incarcerationsⒶrejected substantive only, and not the names or the offences. And even by the help of tradition the only thing that could be proven was that none of the five had seen daylight for thirty-five years: how much longer this privation had lasted was not guessable. The king and the queen knew nothing about these poor creatures, except that they were heirlooms, assets inheritedⒶalteration in the MS, along with the throne, from the former firm. Nothing of their history had been transmitted with their persons, and so the inheriting owners had considered them of no value, and hadⒶalteration in the MS felt no interest in them. I said to the queen—
“Then why in the world didn’t you set them free?”
The question was a puzzler. She didn’t know why she hadn’t; the thing had never come up in her mind. So here sheⒶalteration in the MS was,Ⓐalteration in the MS forecasting the veritable history of future prisoners of the castle d’IfⒺexplanatory note, without knowing it. It seemed plain to me now,Ⓐalteration in the MS that with her training, those inherited prisoners were merely property—nothing more, nothing less. Well,Ⓐalteration in the MS when we inherit property, it does not occur to us to throw it away, even when we do not value it.
When I brought my procession of human bats up into the openⒶalteration in the MS world and the glare of the afternoon sun,—previously blindfolding [begin page 216] them in charity for eyes so long untortured by light—they wereⒶalteration in the MS a spectacle to look at. Skeletons, scarecrows, goblins, pathetic frights, every one: legitimatest possible children of Monarchy by the GraceⒶalteration in the MS of God and the Established Church.Ⓐalteration in the MS I muttered, absently—
“I wish I could photograph them!”
You have seen that kind of people who will never let on that they [begin page 217] don’t know the meaning of a newⒶalteration in the MS big word. The more ignorant they are, the more pitifully certain they are to pretend youⒶalteration in the MS haven’t shot over their headsⒶemendation. The queen was just one of that sort, and was always makingⒶalteration in the MS the stupidest blunders by reason of it. She hesitated a moment;Ⓐalteration in the MS then her face brightened up with sudden comprehension,Ⓐalteration in the MS and she said she would do it for me.
I thought to myself: She? why what can she know about photography? But it was a poor time to be thinking. When I looked around, she was moving on the procession with an axe!Ⓐalteration in the MS
WellⒶalteration in the MS, she certainly was a curious one,Ⓐalteration in the MS was Morgan le Fay. I have seen a good many kinds of women in my time, but she laid over them all, for variety. And how sharplyⒶalteration in the MS characteristic of her this episode was. She had no more idea than a horse, of how to photograph a procession; but being in doubt, it was just like her to try to do it with an axe.
I thought . . . axe!] added on the verso of the MS page with instructions to turn over to replace a passage on the recto which was revised then canceled. The canceled passage is reproduced below. The superior numbers refer to Mark Twain’s revisions, which are listed following the passage, which reads:
‘ “What!”1 I said, “You? Well, then, do it.”2
‘Dear me, she snatched3 an axe4 and rushed5 for the procession!’
2. do it.”] interlined above canceled ‘go ahead.” ’
3. snatched] interlined above canceled ‘grabbed’.
4. axe] followed by canceled ‘and went’ which is interlined above canceled ‘and started for that’.
5. and rushed] interlined below canceled ‘and jumped’.