10–31 December 1865
This sketch was probably part of Clemens' regular San Francisco letter to the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise. An incomplete clipping of it survives in the Yale Scrapbook. The clipping bears an advertisement for the Bank of America on the back dated “de 10 tf,” meaning December 10 until further notice. This suggests that the letter was not published before December 10, but it could have been published on that day or anytime after in December 1865, or perhaps even a little later.
Clemens' uneasy joking about his bohemian lack of money and property must be understood in the context of his resolution, less than two months before, to go “to work in dead earnest” to get out of debt. He said then that if he did “not get out of debt in 3 months,” he would commit suicide. On December 13 he told Orion that he had made a proposition to Herman Camp to sell the family's 30,000 acres of Tennessee land. “Now I don't want that Tenn land to go for taxes, & I don't want any ‘slouch’ to take charge of the sale of it. I am tired being a beggar—tired being chained to this accursed homeless desert,—I want to go back to a Christian land once more.” When this plan failed to meet Orion's approval, Clemens was again thrown back on his own resources. He did not get out of debt until sometime in 1868: in January of that year he told his family “I am gradually getting out of debt,” while in December he told Jervis Langdon that he did not “owe a cent” to anyone.1
Although there is an obvious hazard in taking the figures in this sketch literally, if we do assume that Clemens did not much alter the facts, it is [begin page 389] possible to estimate his income for 1864. The tax laws applying to that year indicate that Clemens' income over and above the $600 general exemption was taxed at the rate of five percent. Depending on whether or not he took an additional $200 exemption permitted renters, his income for 1864 was somewhere between $1,225 and $1,425.2
Clemens evidently considered using this sketch in his 1867 Jumping Frog book, for he slightly revised the clipping and listed it in the back of the Yale Scrapbook as among the seven sketches that he said did not “run average.” It was not ultimately reprinted.
One would hardly expect to receive a neat, voluntary compliment from so grave an institution as the United States Revenue Office, but such has been my good fortune. I have not been so agreeably surprised in many a day. The Revenue officers, in a communication addressed to me, fondle the flattering fiction that I am a man of means, and have got “goods, chattels and effects” —and even “real estate!” Gentlemen, you couldn't have paid such a compliment as that to any man who would appreciate it higher, or be more grateful for it than myself. We will drink together, if you object not.
I am taxed on my incomeⒶemendation! This is perfectly gorgeous! I never felt so important in my life before. To be treated in this splendid way, just like another William B. AstorⒺexplanatory note! Gentlemen, we must drink.
Yes, I am taxed on my income. And the printed paper which bears this compliment—all slathered over with fierce-looking written figures—looks as grand as a steamboat's manifest. It reads thus:
A curly bracket appears to the right of the next two lines.“Collector's Office,
U. S. Internal Revenue, First Dis't. Cal.
Name . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . M. Twain
Residence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . At Large
List and amount of tax. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $31 25
Penalty. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 12
[begin page 391]Warrant. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 245
Total amount. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $36 82
Date. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . November 20, 1865.
C. ST GG,
Deputy Collector.
☞Please present this at the Collector'sⒶemendation office.”
Now I consider that really handsome. I have got it framed beautifully, and I take more pride in it than any of my other furniture. I trust it will become an heirloom and serve to show many generations of my posterity that I was a man of consequence in the land—that I was also the recipient of compliments of the most extraordinary nature from high officers of the national government.
On the other side of this complimentary document I find some happy blank verse headed “Warrant,” and signed by the poet “Frank SouléⒶemendation Ⓔexplanatory note, Collector of Internal Revenue.” Some of the flights of fancy in this Ode are really sublime, and show with what facility the poetic fire can render beautiful the most unpromising subject. For instance: “You are hereby commanded to distrain upon so much of the goods, chattels and effects of the within named person, if any such can be found, etc.” However, that is not so much a flight of fancy as a flight of humor. It is a fine flight, though, anyway. But this one is equal to anything in Shakspeare: “But in case sufficient goods, chattels and effects cannot be found, then you are hereby commanded to seize so much of the real estate of said person as may be necessary to satisfy the tax.” There's poetry for you! They are going to commence on my real estate. This is very rough.Ⓐalteration in the MS But then the officer is expressly instructed to find it first. That is the saving clause for me. I will get them to take it all out in real estate. And then I will give them all the time they want to find it in.
But I can tell them of a way whereby they can ultimately enrich the Government of the United States by a judicious manipulation of this little bill against me—a way in which even the enormous national debtⒺexplanatory note may be eventually paid off! Think of it! Imperishable fame will be the reward of the man who finds a way to pay off the national debt without impoverishing the land; I offer to furnish that method and crown these gentlemen with that fadeless glory. It is so simple and plain that a child may understand it. It is thus: I perceive that by neglecting to pay my income tax within ten days after it was due, I have brought upon myself a “penalty” of three dollars and twelve cents extra tax for that ten days. Don't you see?—let her run! Every ten days, $3 12; every month of 31 days, $10; every year, $120; every century, $12,000; at the end of a hundred thousand years, $1,200,000,000 will be the interest that has accumulated. . . .Ⓐemendation
The first printing appeared in the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise, probably sometime between 10 and 31 December 1865. The only known copy of this printing, in a clipping in the Yale Scrapbook (p. 1A), is copy-text. The clipping is damaged and therefore incomplete: the last eight words of the surviving text have of necessity been conjectured from fragments of missing letters and figures. How much more of the text is wholly lost remains unknown: the ellipsis at 392.8 is therefore editorial. Mark Twain slightl; revised the clipping in early 1867 while preparing copy for JF1, and he listed the sketch as “Graceful Compliment” in the back of the scrapbook, along with six other sketches that did not “run average” (see the textual introduction, volume 1, pp. 538–539). The revised clipping remains in the scrapbook; the missing portion was probably lost through inadvertence, not from being removed for JF1 printer's copy. The sketch was not included in JF1, and Mark Twain did not subsequently reprint it. There are no textual notes.