17 September 1863
The text of this letter is preserved in a clipping from the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise in one of Mark Twain's scrapbooks. Written in San Francisco on Sunday, 13 September 1863, the letter probably appeared in the Enterprise on the following Thursday, September 17: a dated banner headline from the Enterprise of that date is pasted above the immediately preceding article in the scrapbook, and probably applies to this letter as well.
Apparently a visit to San Francisco was the new cure Clemens thought he needed for his persistent cold—a solution made possible, in part, by Dan De Quille's return to Virginia City from the Midwest.1 On September 5 the Virginia City Evening Bulletin announced Clemens' impending departure: “Mark Twain.—This gentleman leaves Virginia for San Francisco today, and we are sorry to say on account of ill health. Mark has made his mark in a remarkable manner upon the good will of the people of Virginia, among whom he has hosts of warm friends.”2 Clemens evidently took the Carpenter and Hoog stagecoach to Carson City, probably leaving there on the Pioneer stagecoach the following day. Since his traveling companion, R. W. Billet, checked in at the Russ House on September 8, Clemens was no doubt happily installed that same evening at the Lick House.3 He attended the Anniversary Ball of the Society of California Pioneers the next night, and before long saw Adah Isaacs Menken in Mazeppa.
The first two parts of this letter comprise a sketch of Clemens' stagecoach trip, unified more by his interest in character and anecdote than by any [begin page 292] desire to describe the journey itself. The third part, a sassy review of Mazeppa, is here omitted.4
San Francisco, September 13.
Editors Enterprise:—The trip from Virginia to Carson by Messrs. Carpenter & Hoog's stageⒺexplanatory note is a pleasant one, and from thence over the mountains by the PioneerⒺexplanatory note would be another, if there were less of it. But you naturally want an outside seat in the day time, and you feel a good deal like riding inside when the cold night winds begin to blow; yet if you commence your journey on the outside, you will find that you will be allowed to enjoy the desire I speak of unmolested from twilight to sunrise. An outside seat is preferable, though, day or night. All you want to do is to prepare for it thoroughly. You should sleep forty-eight hours in succession before starting, so that you may not have to do anything of that kind on the box. You should also take a heavy overcoat with you. I did neither. I left Carson feeling very miserable for want of sleep, and the voyage from there to Sacramento did not refresh me perceptibly. I took no overcoat, and I almost shivered the shirt off myself during that long night ride from Strawberry ValleyⒺexplanatory note to FolsomⒺexplanatory note. Our driver was a very companionable man, though, and this was a happy circumstance for me, because, being drowsy and worn out, I would have gone to sleep and fallen overboard if he had not enlivened the dreary hours with his conversation. Whenever I stopped coughing, and went to nodding, he always watched me out of the corner of his eye until I got to pitching in his direction, and then he would stir me up and inquire if I were [begin page 294] asleep. If I said “No,” (and I was apt to do that,) he always said “it was a bully good thing for me that I warn't, you know,” and then went on to relate cheerful anecdotes of people who had got to nodding by his side when he wasn't noticing, and had fallen off and broken their necks. He said he could see those fellows before him now, all jammed and bloody and quivering in death's agony—“G'lang! d—n that horse, he knows there's a parson and an old maid inside, and that's what makes him cut up so; I've saw him act jes' so more'n a thousand times!” The driver always lent an additional charm to his conversationⒶemendation by mixing his horrors and his general information together in this way. “Now,” said he, after urging his team at a furious speed down the grade for awhile, plunging into deep bends in the road brimming with a thick darkness almost palpable to the touch, and darting out again and again on the verge of what instinct told me was a precipice, “Now, I seen a poor cuss—but you're asleep again, you know, and you've rammed your head agin' my side-pocket and busted a bottle of nasty rotten medicine that I'm taking to the folks at the Thirty-five Mile HouseⒺexplanatory note; do you notice that flavor? ain't it a ghastlyⒶemendation old stench? The man that takes it down there don't live on anything else—it's vittles and drink to him; anybody that ain't used to him can't go a-near him; he'd stun 'em—he'd suffocate 'em; his breath smells like a graveyard after an earthquake—you Bob! I allow to skelp that ornery horse, yet, if he keeps on this way; you see he's been on the overlandⒺexplanatory note till about two weeks ago, and every stump he sees he cal'lates it'sⒶtextual note Ⓐemendation an Injun.” I was awake by this time, holding on with both hands and bouncing up and down just as I do when I ride a horseback. The driver took up the thread of his discourse and proceeded to soothe me again: “As I was a saying, I see a poor cuss tumble off along here one night—he was monstrous drowsy, and went to sleep when I'd took my eye off of him for a moment—and he fetched up agin a boulder, and in a second there wasn'tⒶtextual note anything left of him but a promiscus pile of hash! It was moonlight, and when I got down and looked at him he was quivering like jelly, and sorter moaning to himself, like, and the bones of his legs was sticking out through his pantaloons every which way, like that.” (Here the driver mixed his fingers up after the manner of a stack of muskets, and illuminated them with the ghostly light of his cigar.) “He warn't in misery long though. In a minute and a half he was deader'n a smelt—Bob! I say [begin page 295] I'll cut that horse's throat if he stays on this route another week.” In this way the genial driver caused the long hours to pass sleeplessly away, and if he drew upon his imagination for his fearful histories, I shall be the last to blame him for it, because if they had taken a milder form I might have yielded to the dullness that oppressed me, and got my own bones smashed out of my hide in such a way as to render me useless for ever after—unless, perhaps, some one chose to turn me to account as an uncommon sort of hat-rack.
Not a face in either stage was washed from the time we left Carson until we arrived in Sacramento; this will give you an idea of how deep the dust lay on those faces when we entered the latter town at eight o'clock on Monday morning. Mr. Billet, of Virginia, came in our coach, and brought his family with him—Mr. R. W. Billet of the great Washoe Stock and Exchange Board of Highwaymen—and instead of turning his complexion to a dirty cream color, as it generally serves white folks, the dust changed it to the meanest possible shade of black: however, Billet isn't particularly white, anyhow, even under the most favorable circumstances.Ⓐemendation He stepped into an office near the railroad depot, to write a note, and while he was at it, several lank, gawky, indolent immigrants, fresh from the plains, gathered around him. Missourians—Pikes—I can tell my brethren as far as I can see them. They seemed to admire Billet very much, and the faster he wrote the higher their admiration rose in their faces, until it finally boiled over in words, and one of my countrymen ejaculated in his neighbor's ear,—“Dang it, but he writes mighty well for a nigger!”
Mark Twain.Ⓐemendation
The first printing appeared in the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise, probably on 17 September 1863. The only known copy of this printing, in a clipping in Scrapbook 2, pp. 78–79, MTP, is copy-text. Only the first half of the letter is reprinted here; for the omitted passage, a review of Mazeppa, see MTEnt , pp. 78–80.