CHAPTER 55
I began to get tired of staying in one place so long. There was no longer satisfying variety in going down to Carson to report the proceedings of the legislature once a year, and horse-races and pumpkin-shows once in three months; (they had got to raising pumpkins and potatoes in Washoe Valley, and of course one of the first achievements of the legislature was to institute a ten-thousand-dollar Agricultural FairⒺexplanatory note to show off forty dollars’ worth of those pumpkins in—however, the TerritorialⒶemendation legislature was usually spoken of as the “asylum”). I wanted to see San Francisco. I wanted to go somewhere. I wanted—I did not know what I wanted. I had the “spring fever” and wanted a change, principally, no doubt. Besides, a convention had framed a State Constitution; nine men out of every ten wanted an office; I believed that these gentlemen would “treat” the moneyless and the irresponsible among the population into adopting the ConstitutionⒶemendation and thus well-nighⒶemendation killing the country (it could not well carry such a load as a State government, since it had nothing to tax that could stand a tax, for undeveloped mines could notⒺexplanatory note, and there were not fifty developed ones in the land, there was but little realty to tax, and it did seem as if nobody was ever going to think of the simple salvation of inflicting a money penalty on murder). I believed that a State government would destroy the “flush times,” and I wanted to get away. I believed that the mining stocks I had on hand would soon be worth a hundred thousand dollarsⒶemendation, and thought if they reached that before the Constitution was adopted, I would sell out and make myself secure from the crash the change of government was going to bring. I considered a hundred thousand dollarsⒶemendation sufficient to go home with decently, though it was but a small amount compared to what I had been expecting to return with. I felt rather [begin page 377] down-hearted about it, but I tried to comfort myself with the reflection that with such a sum I could not fall into want. About this time a schoolmate of mine whom I had not seen since boyhood, came tramping in on foot from Reese riverⒶemendation, a very allegory of Poverty. The son of wealthy parents, here he was, in a strange land,
I wanted a change. I wanted variety of some kind. It came. Mr. Goodman went away for a week and left me the post of chief editorⒺexplanatory note. It destroyed me. The first day, I wrote my “leader” in the forenoon. The second day, I had no subject and put it off till the afternoon. The third day I put it off till evening, and then copied an elaborate editorial out of the “American Cyclopedia,”Ⓔexplanatory note that steadfast friend of the editor, all over this land. The fourth day I “fooled around” till [begin page 378] midnight, and then fell back on the Cyclopedia again. The fifth day I cudgeled my brain till midnight, and then kept the press waiting while I penned some bitter personalities on six different people. The sixth day I labored in anguish till far into the night and brought forth—nothing. The paper went to press without an editorial. The seventh day I resigned. On the eighth, Mr. Goodman returned and found six duels on his hands—my personalities had borne fruitⒺexplanatory note.
Nobody, except he has tried it, knows what it is to be an editor. It is easy to scribble local rubbish, with the facts all before you; it is easy to clip selections from other papers; it is easy to string out a correspondence from any locality; but it is unspeakable hardship to write editorials. Subjects are the trouble—the dreary lack of them, I mean. Every day, it is drag, drag, drag—think, and worry and suffer—all the world is a dull blank, and yet the editorial columns must be filled. Only give the editor a subject, and his work is done—it is no trouble to write it up; but fancy how you would feel if you had to pump your brains dry every day in the week, fifty-two weeks in the year. It makes one low spirited simply to think of it. The matter that each editor of a daily paper in America writes in the course of a year would fill from four to eight bulky volumes like this book! Fancy what a library an editor’s work would make, after twenty or thirty years’ service. Yet people often marvel that Dickens, Scott, Bulwer, Dumas, etc., have been able to produce so many books. If these authors had wrought as voluminously as newspaper editors do, the result would be something to marvel at, indeed. How editors can continue this tremendous labor, this exhausting consumption of brain fibre (for their work is creative, and not a mere mechanical laying-up of facts, like reporting), day after day and year after year, is incomprehensible. Preachers take two months’ holiday in midsummer, for they find that to produce two sermons a week is wearing, in the long run. In truth it must be so, and is so; and therefore, how an editor can take from ten to twenty texts and build upon them from ten to twenty painstaking editorials a week and keep it up all the year round, is farther beyond comprehension than ever. Ever since I survived my week as editor, I have found at least one pleasure in any newspaper that comes to [begin page 379] my hand; it is in admiring the long columns of editorial, and wondering to myself how in the mischief he did it!
Mr. Goodman’s return relieved me of employment, unless I chose to become a reporter again. I could not do that; I could not serve in the ranks after being General of the army. So I thought I would depart and go abroad into the world somewhere. Just at this juncture, Dan, my associate in the reportorial department, told me, casually, that two citizens had been trying to persuade him to go with them to New York and aid in selling a rich silver mine which they had discovered and secured in a new mining districtⒺexplanatory note in our neighborhood. He said they offered to pay his expenses and give him one-thirdⒶemendation of the proceeds of the sale. He had refused to go. It was the very opportunity I wanted. I abused him for keeping so quiet about it, and not mentioning it sooner. He said it had not occurred to him that I would like to go, and so he had recommended them to apply to Marshall, the reporter of the other paper. I asked Dan if it was a good, honest mine, and no swindle. He said the men had shown him nine tons of the rock, which they had got out to take to New York, and he could cheerfully say that he had seen but little rock in Nevada that was richer; and moreover, he said that they had secured a tract of valuable timber and a mill-site, near the mine. My first idea was to kill Dan. But I changed my mind, not-withstanding I was so angry, for I thought maybe the chance was not yet lost. Dan said it was by no means lost; that the men were absent at the mine again, and would not be in Virginia to leave for the eastⒶemendation for some ten days; that they had requested him to do the talking to Marshall, and he had promised that he would either secure Marshall or somebody else for them by the time they got back; he would now say nothing to anybody till they returned, and then fulfil his promise by furnishing me to themⒺexplanatory note.
It was splendid. I went to bed all on fire with excitement; for nobody had yet gone eastⒶemendation to sell a Nevada silver mine, and the field was white for the sickle. I felt that such a mine as the one described by Dan would bring a princely sum in New York, and sell without delay or difficulty. I could not sleep, my fancy so rioted through its castles in the air. It was the “blind lead” come again.
Next day I got away, on the coach, with the usual eclatⒺexplanatory note attending [begin page 380] departures of old citizens,—for if you have only half a dozen friends out there they will make noise for a hundred rather than let you seem to go away neglected and unregretted—and Dan promised to keep strict watch for the men that had the mine to sell.
The trip was signalized but by one little incident, and that occurred just as we were about to start. A very seedy looking vagabond passenger got out of the stage a moment to wait till the usual ballast of silver bricks was thrown in. He was standing on the pavement, when an awkward express employé, carrying a brick weighing a hundred pounds, stumbled and let it fall on the bummer’s foot. He instantly dropped on the ground and began to howl in the most heart-breaking way. A sympathizing crowd gathered around and were going to pull his boot off; but he screamed louder than ever and they desisted; then he fell to gasping, and between the gasps ejaculated “Brandy! for Heaven’s sake, brandy!” They poured half a pint down him, and it wonderfully restored and comforted him. Then he begged the people to assist him to the stage, which was done. The express people urged him to have a doctor at their expense, but he declined, and said that if he only had a little brandy to take along with him, to soothe his paroxysmsⒶemendation of pain when they came on, he would be grateful and content. He was quickly supplied with two bottles, and we drove off. He was so smiling and happy after that, that I could not refrain from asking him how he could possibly be so comfortable with a crushed foot.
“Well,” said he, “I hadn’t had a drink for twelve hours, and hadn’t a cent to my name. I was most perishing—and so, when that duffer dropped that hundred-pounder on my foot, I see my chance. Got a cork leg, you know!” and he pulled up his pantaloons and proved it.
He was as drunk as a lord all day long, and full of chucklings over his timely ingenuity.
One drunken man necessarily reminds one of another. I once heard a gentleman tell about an incident which he witnessed in a Californian bar-room. He entitled it “Ye Modest Man Taketh a Drink.” It was nothing but a bit of acting, but it seemed to me a perfect rendering, and worthy of ToodlesⒺexplanatory note himself. The modest man, tolerably far gone with beer and other matters, enters a saloon [begin page 381] (twenty-five cents is the price for anything and everything, and specie the only money used) and lays down a half dollar; calls for whiskyⒶemendation and drinks it; the barkeeperⒶemendation makes change and lays the
[begin page 382] “(’ic!) Gimme a cigar!”
Naturally, another gentleman present told about another drunken man. He said he reeled toward home late at night; made a
“Awful solid dog. What could he ben eating? (’ic!) Rocks, p’raps. Such animals is dangerous. ’At’s what I say—they’re dangerous. If a man—(’ic!)—if a man wants to feed a dog on rocks, let him feed him on rocks; ’at’s all right; but let him keep him at home—not have him layin’ round promiscuous, where (’ic!) where people’s liable to stumble over him when they ain’t noticin’!”
It was not without regret that I took a last look at the tiny flag (it was thirty-five feet long and ten feet wide) fluttering like a lady’s handkerchief from the topmost peak of Mount Davidson, two thousand feet above Virginia’s roofs, and felt that doubtless I was bidding a permanent farewell to a city which had afforded me the most vigorous enjoyment of life I had ever experienced. And this reminds me of an incident which the dullest memory Virginia could boast at the time it happened must vividly recall, at times, till its possessor dies. Late one summer afternoon we had a rain [begin page 383] shower. That was astonishing enough, in itself, to set the whole town buzzing, for it only rains (during a week or two weeks) in the winter in Nevada, and even then not enough at a time to make it worth while for any merchant to keep umbrellas for sale. But the rain was not the chief wonder. It only lasted five or ten minutes; while the people were still talking about it all the heavens gathered to themselves a dense blackness as of midnightⒶemendation. All the vast eastern front of Mount Davidson, overlookingⒶemendation the city, put on such a funereal gloom that only the nearness and solidity of the mountain made its outlines even faintly distinguishable from the dead blackness of the heavens they rested against. This unaccustomed sight turned all eyes toward the mountain; and as they looked, a little tongue of rich golden flame was seen waving and quivering in the heart of the midnight, away up on the extreme summit! In a few minutes the streets were packed with people, gazing with hardly an uttered word, at the one brilliant mote in the brooding world of darkness. It flicked like a candle-flame, and looked no larger; but with such a background it was wonderfully bright, small as it was. It was the flag!—though no one suspected it at first, it seemed so like a supernatural visitor of some kind—a mysterious messenger of good tidings, some were fain to believe. It was the nation’s emblem transfigured by the departing rays of a sun that was entirely palled from view; and on no other object did the glory fall, in all the broad panorama of mountain ranges and deserts. Not even upon the staff of the flag—for that, a needle in the distance at any time, was now untouched by the light and undistinguishable in the gloom. For a whole hour the weird visitor winked and burned in its lofty solitude, and still the thousands of uplifted eyes watched it with fascinated interest. How the people were wrought up! The superstition grew apace that this was a mystic courier come with great news from the war—the poetry of the idea excusing and commending it—and on it spread, from heart to heart, from lip to lip and from street to street, till there was a general impulse to have out the military and welcome the bright waif with a salvo of artillery!
And all that time one sorely tried man, the telegraph operator sworn to official secrecy, had to lock his lips and chain his tongue with a silence that was like to rend them; for he, and he only, of all [begin page 384] the speculating multitude, knew the great things this sinking sun had seen that day in the east—Vicksburg fallen, and the Union arms victorious at GettysburgⒺexplanatory note!
But for the journalistic monopoly that forbade the slightest revealment of eastern news till a day after its publication in the California papers, the glorified flag on Mount Davidson would have been saluted and re-saluted, that memorable evening, as long as there was a charge of powder to thunder with; the city would have been illuminated, and every man that had any respect for himself would have got drunk,—as was the custom of the country on all occasions of public moment. Even at this distant day I cannot think of this needlessly marred supreme opportunity without regret. What a time we might have had!
I . . . copied an elaborate editorial out of the “American Cyclopedia,”] The New American Cyclopedia: A Popular Dictionary of General Knowledge was published by D. Appleton and Company in sixteen volumes between 1858 and 1863. Edited by George Ripley and [begin page 692] Charles A. Dana, the work was immensely popular, eventually selling more than three million copies in two editions. In 1906 Clemens recalled that the Cyclopedia furnished him with his first editorial, written on 22 April on the occasion of the
three-hundredth anniversary of Shakespeare’s birthday. . . . There wasn’t enough of what Shakespeare had done to make an editorial of the necessary length, but I filled it out with what he hadn’t done—which in many respects was more important and striking and readable than the handsomest things he had really accomplished. (AD, 19 Jan 1906, CU-MARK, in MTA , 1:354–55)
Another instance of such “borrowing” from the Cyclopedia, possibly by Clemens, was noted by the editor of the Virginia City Union. On 12 March he observed that the Enterprise, in its review of Adah Isaacs Menken in Mazeppa (then playing in Virginia City), was “beginning to devote its leading editorial space” to discussing “The Rationale of Obscene Exhibitions.” He further observed that “the historical allusion to ‘Mazeppa’ in the Enterprise of yesterday, is in the main correct. It was copied from the American Cyclopedia” (“A Few Words to the ‘Modest’ Women of San Francisco Who Ventured to See Menken,” San Francisco Evening Bulletin, 15 Mar 64, 5, reprinting the Virginia City Union of 12 March; see L1 , 276 n. 2).
Mr. Goodman returned and found six duels on his hands—my personalities had borne fruit] One of Clemens’s provocative editorials may have been an item that appeared in the Enterprise on 30 March, entitled “An Item for Our Cotemporaries” and extant as reprinted in the Virginia City Union the next day. It charged collusion between the Union and several “careless or corrupt” legislators in “log rolling” a bill that appropriated $400 to the Union for printing a pamphlet version of the proposed constitution (see the note at 376.12–18), whereas the Enterprise and other newspapers had printed it “as a matter of news.” The Union responded by accusing the Enterprise of “twaddling unscrupulousness” and characterizing the editorial as “boobyish snivel combined with flat sneakishness” (“Several Items for the People,” Virginia City Union, 31 Mar 64, 2). Another humorous item by Mark Twain, in which he facetiously claimed that Thomas Fitch (see the note at 339.11–13) had lodged a complaint against Virginia City broker Warren F. Myers for voicing racial slurs, appeared in the Enterprise on 1 April and elicited a disgusted comment from the Virginia City Evening Bulletin to the effect that “he who is a fool all the rest of the year, has no special rights on this particular day” (“Another ‘Goak,’ ” 1 Apr 64, 3). The Bulletin continued its attack the following day, alluding to the “bitterness of [Mark Twain’s] remarks” in the morning’s Enterprise: “Merciless himself in perpetrating jokes on others, he winces like a cur with a flea in his ear when others retort; showing conclusively that he has quite misconcieved the nature of the character he has assumed—that of being Washoe’s wit!” (“A Misconception,” 2 Apr 64, 3). Clemens’s items and editorials in the Enterprise for 18–19 May nearly resulted [begin page 693] in his fighting two duels (with Steve Gillis as his second), one of them with James L. Laird of the Virginia City Union. In 1906 Clemens recalled that Laird’s
editor had gone off to San Francisco too, and Laird was trying his hand at editing. I woke up Mr. Laird with some courtesies of the kind that were fashionable among newspaper editors in that region, and he came back at me the next day in a most vitriolic way. He was hurt by something I had said about him—some little thing—I don’t remember what it was now—probably called him a horse-thief, or one of those little phrases customarily used to describe another editor. (AD, 19 Jan 1906, CU-MARK, partially published in MTA , 1:355)
Goodman, who may well have been absent during any or all of these controversies (see the note at 377.31–32), was evidently not himself called to account for Clemens’s indiscretions (for a full discussion see L1 , 287–301).
he had recommended them to apply to Marshall, the reporter of the other paper . . . furnishing me to them] Although Mark Twain’s claim about his understanding with Dan De Quille may be a fiction (see also the note at 403.18–38), the account of the plan to sell the mine in New York is essentially true. George M. Marshall, the local reporter for the Virginia City Union, entered into a business arrangement with Hurst and Rose, who, although not a member of the April–May prospecting party, was evidently an early investor in Hurst’s Pine Wood claim. On 29 June 1864 Marshall took the stage to San Francisco, where he met his two partners and shortly thereafter, on 4 July, sailed with them for the East (“Going to the States,” Virginia City Union, 29 June 64, 3; Collins, 165; Marshall, 1). While in San Francisco he wrote to Dan De Quille, who also owned feet in the Pine Wood claim:
An arrangement has been entered into & papers drawn up with a N.Y. firm by which they give us $10 per foot on our stock as a basis, and half what it is sold for afterward. So as you have 1800 feet . . . multiply it by ten and see how many [begin page 694] dollars you can count on. Don’t get excited Dan, but I believe this is the biggest thing in existence, and for Gods sake dont breathe a word of it to anyone. (Marshall to Wright, 30 June 64, IaHi)
a little tongue of rich golden flame . . . Vicksburg fallen, and the Union arms victorious at Gettysburg] The Union victories at Vicksburg and Gettysburg took place on 4 July 1863. The Virginia City Evening Bulletin described the dazzling effect of early sunlight on the recently installed flag atop Mount Davidson on the morning of the Fourth. The event Clemens recalls here, however—the remarkable flamelike appearance of the flag in a storm-darkened sky—occurred a few weeks later, on 30 July (Virginia City Evening Bulletin: “Celebration of the 4th of July,” 6 July 63, 3; “A Beautiful Sight,” 31 July 63, 3). Anna Fitch commemorated the event in her poem “The Flag on Fire,” explaining that
on the evening of July 30th, 1863, upon the breaking away of a storm, this banner was suddenly illuminated by some curious refraction of the rays of the setting sun. Thousands of awe struck persons witnessed the spectacle, which continued until the streets of Virginia, 1500 feet below, were in utter darkness. (Newman, 322)