A Kind of a Love Story
(1909)
“The International Lightning Trust,” dated by Paine as 1909,1 was intended by Mark Twain for immediate publication. The first page of his typescript bears at the top a note directing it “To Mr. Duneka” of Harper & Brothers. Paine's explanatory note on the back of the last page, “Recalled from Harpers as not usable,” is elaborated by his editorial comment on a carbon copy of the typescript: “Sent to Harpers but recalled when M. T. died. Not regarded as up to his standard by C. G. Clara Gabrilowitsch, Clemens' daughter and A. B. P.” The decision to withhold it from publication may have been based partly upon considerations other than those of literary quality. Although the satire in “The International Lightning Trust” is not as scathing as in some of Mark Twain's diatribes, it was very likely still considered too strong. Some of it is aimed not at conventional religious views but at the great business trusts that were a public concern at the time of its composition. But Clemens, who had been something of a Connecticut Yankee egalitarian and also an entrepreneur who had been saved from financial disaster by Standard Oil magnate Henry H. Rogers, was ambivalent toward the trusts. Perhaps the main satiric thrust is at the notion of special providences—a favorite target. The two schemers, erstwhile jour printers [begin page 79] Jasper Hackett and Stephen Spaulding, profit hugely from what they pointedly call their “trust in Providence.” Their lightning trust amounts to a partnership in a divine lottery that dispenses just enough prizes to ensure that all of the dupes will play the game. Nevertheless, there is little bitterness in the satire, but rather an almost amiable roguishness.
The idea of a lightning insurance scheme had been considered by Mark Twain for many years. More than a hint of the idea may be seen in “Abner L. Jackson (About to Be) Deceased,” which concerns an accident insurance swindle and mentions a pamphlet titled “Advice to Persons About to be Struck by Lightning.” In the working notes for “The International Lightning Trust”2 it may be seen that he had thought of bringing a “Lightning-Lottery” into “Which Was It?”—a novel written between the years 1899 and 1903.3 It is also of interest that in “The International Lightning Trust” Jasper claims to have gotten the idea by reading W. E. H. Lecky's History of European Morals, a book that was one of Clemens' lifetime favorites.4
One manuscript page, evidently deleted from “Lightning Trust,” was enclosed in a volume in Mark Twain's library and sold with the book after his death. Its text is printed in the textual note to 99.8–26.5
See Appendix C.
Clemens probably first read this book about 1874; see Walter Blair, Mark Twain & Huck Finn (Berkeley and Los Angeles: University of California Press, 1960), pp. 134–135, 338, 401 n. 6.
The book was J. G. Frazer, Passages of the Bible chosen for their Literary Beauty and Interest (London, 1895). See Anderson Auction Company, catalog no. 892—1911 (“The Library and Manuscripts of Samuel L. Clemens”), pp. 10–11.
Two young fellows sat brooding. Jour printers out of a job: Jasper Hackett and Stephen Spaulding. Their room was a sufficiently shabby one: one frowsy bed in it for the two; three crippled chairs; a maple-grained pine table;Ⓐalteration in the MS a dittoⒶalteration in the MS washstand in the corner; the remains of a drugget rug in front of it; a cheap looking-glass, with a pie-slice out of it, on the wall above the stand; an old-time sheet-iron stove, cylinder-shaped; nails here and there with a scant outfit ofⒶalteration in the MS much-worn clothes dangling from them; a mantel back of the stove with some books on it and half a dozen photographs; over the mantel a three-color God Bless Our Home. Also, two superannuatedⒶemendation trunks, both standing open, exposing tolerably empty stomachs. Such were the aspects—and familiar enough in cheap boarding houses in the city; any city in America.
The young fellows had been smoking, but the pipes had gone out and grown cold in their unconscious fingers while they mused and sighed. Both faces, steeped in thought, were profoundly melancholy; Stephen's remained so, but by and by Jasper's lightened a little and an intense interest gradually pushed the sadness aside and took its place.
Steve got up and walked the floor miserably, a while, but got no relief for his sorrows out of it, and sat drearily down again.
[begin page 81]“I wish I was dead,” he muttered.
He waited for a comment, but none came. He said it again, a little louder. Jasper gave no sign, of either joy or regret. Steve glanced at his comrade's face; it indicated that its owner's thoughts were miles away. Steve spoke again, this time with some energy, and much bitterness.
“Lord, that I should come to this! Two weeks'Ⓐemendation board owing, and notice impending toⒶalteration in the MS march! You the same. Sixteen dollars dueⒶalteration in the MS between us, and where's it to come from? God knows! I'm mortal tired! Tired of life; tired of waiting, tired of longing, tired of hoping against hope, tired of hunting for work—Ⓐalteration in the MSwork that'll never, never come. HuntingⒶalteration in the MS for subbing, you understand! Subbing! I that used to have a ‘case’! . . .Ⓐalteration in the MS And is this all the humiliation that's come? No—a thousand times no! Kitty Maloney has given me salaam aleikoomⒶalteration in the MS and gone over to the plumber, would that I were dead! O, damnation, why don't you say something!”
“Shut up! don't bother me.”
“All right, I can suffer alone.Ⓐalteration in the MS WeⒶalteration in the MS that feel, we that have hearts, we must suffer. To the ignoble is reserved happiness; to the clam repose, not to the lion,Ⓐalteration in the MS not to the eagle. . . . Ah, the bitter, bitter humiliations of these sordid days! Slice of breakfastⒶalteration in the MS beefsteak the size of a cat's liver.Ⓐalteration in the MS When I was going to send back my plate her mother paralysed me with a look the boarders all saw, and I desisted. That was yesterday. She served you the same. This morning, coffee without sugar—and deliberate! The boarders all noticed. It means—I know too well what it means—we are going to be fired. Fired—in the morning of life, in the bloom of youth, in the . . . .”
“For Satan's sake, won't Ⓐalteration in the MS you be quiet!”
“And you turn against me! My cup is full. It needed only this. Forsaken, at last, by theⒶalteration in the MS last friend I had! But I make no moan. Let me suffer, all unfriended and forlorn; I deserve it. . . . And Molly has flung you Ⓐalteration in the MS away, for the carpenter. Amazing creature, how can you sit there and chew your addled phantasiesⒶalteration in the MS, and exhibit no feeling, shed not a tear, heave not a sigh over the priceless loss you have sustained? I would rather be a rock, and bay the moon, than carry in my breast a heart like—”
“By the great horn spoon, I've got it!” shouted young Jasper, springing up and walking the floor excitedly.
“Got whatⒶalteration in the MS?”
[begin page 82]“Financial salvation!”
“You don't mean it, Jasper, you can't Ⓐalteration in the MS mean it!”
“I doⒶalteration in the MS mean it. We're saved!”
“O, the dear heaven be praised—say it again, Jasper, say it again!”
“I tell you I've got it, Steve, I've got it, sure!”
“O blessed be this day, the clouds are vanishing, the sun illumes the sky again! Tell me, Jasper, tell me all about it.”
“Not now, there isn't time; every minute is precious. We must have a hundred dollars—and right away!”Ⓐalteration in the MS
Steve moaned, and only said, despairingly—
“Alas, alas!”
“Alas your grandmother! wake up and get alive—I tell you we've got to haveⒶalteration in the MS it! Thousands? No—millions Ⓐalteration in the MS! we are going to be submergedⒶalteration in the MS in cash! We can buy plumbers and carpenters. Buy them by the gross, by the hundred, by the ton!—on a margin, long or short, or cash down—any way you like!Ⓐalteration in the MS Clear out! leave me! go and get the hundred dollars. I've got to be alone; I want to write out the scheme.”
“But where can I get it Jasper?”
“From the subs, from the comps, from anybody and everybody you can strike. Twenty of them; five dollars apiece; first half-year's income, a thousand per cent! tellⒶalteration in the MS them so. They'll own a tenth interest in the grand speculation. Go! march! vanish!”
“Jasper, they won't listen to me unless I tell them the scheme. They'll make fun of me. Give me an outline—just an outline, so that I—”
“Not a word. Time's precious—do clear out, and let me put it on paper.”
Steve departed. Jasper began to write. To this effect:
LIFE INSURANCE AGAINST LIGHTNING.
We of the International Lightning Insurance TrustⒶalteration in the MS desire to interest the public in an enterprise which we feel has greatⒶalteration in the MS merit and will turn out to be a boon to many of our countrymen. Every year hundreds of our [begin page 83] people are killed by lightning. No specialⒶalteration in the MS provision in the matter of insurance has been made for the families of its victims. Having furnishedⒶalteration in the MS ourselves with a cash capital ample for the purpose, we propose to remedy this defect. We offer to insurersⒶalteration in the MS what we regard as exceedinglyⒶalteration in the MS liberal terms; terms so liberal, indeed, that we think it will be difficult for any to find fault with them. To wit:
$1 secures $5,000 of insurance against death by lightning.
$5 secures $35,000.Ⓐalteration in the MS
$10 secures $100,000.
The one payment coversⒶalteration in the MS everything, and is permanent; it insures for the client's entire lifeⒶalteration in the MS.
Our process is not complex, it is very simple, there is no red tape about it. You send us your money in a special-stampⒶalteration in the MS letter, with your postoffice address, and we return to you, in the same safe way, a numbered ticketⒶalteration in the MS specifying the sum due your family in case of your destructionⒶalteration in the MS by lightning. The said sum, in cash, in case of said destruction, will go to your family promptly, without discount.
AddressⒶalteration in the MS: International Lightning Trust,Ⓐalteration in the MS
102 Fordham CourtⒶalteration in the MS, New York City
Steve was gone all day. Then he arrived, tired but jauntyⒶalteration in the MS and well satisfied with himself, and tossed a bulkyⒶalteration in the MS roll of bills on the table,Ⓐalteration in the MS saying—
“There's your money—two hundred dollars.”
“Two hundred?”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“It's what I said.”
“Why, it's astonishing!Ⓐalteration in the MS How did you ever manage it, Steve?”
“Not in the way you inventedⒶalteration in the MS, dear-heartⒶemendation, I can tell you that.”
“How, then? Come, you interest me.”
“Well, it was like this. I didn't think there'd be much chance with the subs, poor devils, so I substituted the regulars. The first one I struck was Jim Bailey; Jim Bailey the prosperous, the practical; Bailey with a face as smooth and hard as an imposing stone. I judged I'd betterⒶalteration in the MS get my hand in; if I could talk a scheme to him I could talk it to anybody. Laugh? Well, you ought to have heard him. But Jasper, that's a wise man—now he certainly is.Ⓐalteration in the MS And he is the reason I succeeded—what do you think of that? His heart's not hard, it's only his face.Ⓐalteration in the MS He took me [begin page 84] aside for a private talk; and he told me not to say another word about that wildcat scheme—keep it to myself. He said get the money for it another way. He said go after a comp's heart, there's no other sure road to his pocket. Yes, that's what he said. Then he told me how, and made up a plan for me. He said borrowⒶalteration in the MS the money, and don't say anything about speculation; said the boys liked us and believed in us, and knew we were in hard luck—where they'd been themselves, in their time. He said to tell them we've got the chance of our lives: a chance to get a little old job office, up a back alley, dirt cheap—for a thousand dollars, two hundred down and the rest on long time—owner of it too old and ailing to run it any longer. And so on and so on; and he said tell the boys we've collected a hundred and sixty-five of it and all we want is thirty-five more to be in luck again and happy; strike them for one or two or four or fiveⒶalteration in the MS apiece, he said, and don't raise the limit.Ⓐalteration in the MS That was the game he charted out for me; and he put up tenⒶalteration in the MS himself. It worked, and there's the money to prove it. I got it out of sixty-three of the boys—not all paying much,Ⓐalteration in the MS of course, but all doing what they could. A wise man, that Bailey—just a nut!”
“Shake!Ⓐalteration in the MS Why, you're a wonder, Steve—I didn't know it was in you.”
“Oh, well, you'll come to know me yet, some day. Now then, what's your grand scheme?Ⓐemendation”
For answer, Jasper read the circular aloud.
“My, but it's a daisy!”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“Well, what do you think of it?”
“Land, I don't know whatⒶalteration in the MS to think of it. It's the wildest idea I ever heard of.”
“Why is it wildⒶalteration in the MS, Steve?”
“Why is it wild? Because—oh, well, I'm stunned, I'm paralysed—you see, you've hit me unprepared. My mind's a wreck; wait and let me pull it together a little . . .Ⓐalteration in the MS Look here, Jasper, how are we going to pay out premiums with a shovel on a capital of two hundred dollars?”
“Oh, we'll manage that, all right, don't you be afraid.”
“But hang it, Jasper, there's nothing in Ⓐalteration in the MS that insane scheme, absolutely nothing. There's no tradeⒶalteration in the MS for it, don't you see—none in the world. Consider this: did you ever know anybody that got struck by lightning?”
[begin page 85]“No.”
“Nor I. Did you ever know anybody that knew a person that got struck by lightning?”
“No.”
“Nor I. Did you ever know anybody that knew a person that knew another person that knew a person that had come pretty near knowing a person that got struck by lightning?”
“No.”
“Nor I. Now, then, don't you see, yourself, that there isn't a rag of trade for this business?”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“No. Indeed I don't Ⓐalteration in the MS see it. I have the highest hopes. Certainties, I may say.”
“Based on what?”
“Two things. One is, the fear of lightning.”
“Sho, that isn't prevalent enough to make business for us.”
“Oh, but isn't it! I'll read you a sentence or two out of Mr. Lecky's History of European Morals. Listen: ‘The stroke of lightning was an augury, and its menace was directed specially against the great, who cowered in abject terror during a thunder-storm. Augustus used to guard himself against thunder by wearing the skin of a sea-calf. Tiberius had greater faith in laurel leaves. Caligula was accustomed during a thunder-storm to creep under his bed.’ That's the passage that gave me my splendid idea. Here you have three Caesars afraid of lightning—miserably scared at the flash and the thunder. Now then, when Roman emperorsⒶalteration in the MS had that fear, how is Tom, Dick and Harry to escape it? Steve, the human race is full of it. We'll have a grand trade! If fear fails, no matter, don't worry—No. 2 will make good.”
“Very well, fetch out No. 2. What is it?”
“The premiums. Five thousand dollars for one! thirty-five thousand for five!Ⓐalteration in the MS a hundred thousand for ten! Show me the poor devil that can resist that temptation. Why, hang it, he doesn't exist! Don't you know anything about the human being? Business? Ⓐalteration in the MS There's not going to be any lack of it. Don't you believe so,Ⓐalteration in the MS Steve?”
“Well, it certainly does begin to look sort of plausible, I must say, now that I perceive we are going to trade on the assfulness of the human race. My, but there's plenty of that, for sure! Jasper, is this [begin page 86] going to be lawful? Won't the government and the police get after us?”
“Why should they? Are we using any concealments? No. Are we cheating anybody? No. Are we making any promises we shan't fulfill? No. Are we employing a false address?Ⓐalteration in the MS No. We are all right. The first thing we wantⒶalteration in the MS, is the spreading of this circular around, among the clergy, widows, orphans, holders of trust funds, and the other born speculators; the next thing we want is a few thousand numbered tickets—in series A ($1); series BⒶemendation ($5); series C ($10); and the third thing we want is a man laid out dead by lightning, with a one-dollar ticket in his vest pocket—after which, oh see Ⓐalteration in the MS us sail along!”
“By George, I'll get the circulars and the tickets printed right away, MondayⒶalteration in the MS morning! Jasper, I'm a convert, and you have my gratitude. I am almost reconciled to the plumber.”
“Very good. I'll plan-out the ticket, now. For instance:
“Series AⒶalteration in the MS toⒶemendation be printed on a small red card, thick and substantial, vest-pocket size. Begin the series with No. 21021.Ⓐalteration in the MS
“Series B, good for $35,000,Ⓐalteration in the MS blue card. Begin that series with No. 21021, also.
“Series CⒶalteration in the MS, good for $100,000, yellow card. Begin it, too, with No. 21021 like the others.”
“Why don't we begin the numbersⒶalteration in the MS with No. 1, Jasper?”
“The business would look too newⒶalteration in the MS. We want the very first customers to think it's a well-established enterprise, a going concern.”
“Good idea, too. So you'd betterⒶalteration in the MS make the circular say we are already doing business, not proposing to do it.”
[begin page 87]“Right you are. I'll make the correction: There Ⓐalteration in the MS—it's done.Ⓐalteration in the MS Another thing. We'll suppress B and C for the present and advertise A onlyⒶalteration in the MS. B and C are too costly to start with.”
“That's true. Jasper, where is 102 Fordham Court?”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“It's a bill-sticker'sⒶalteration in the MS establishmentⒶtextual note, up a back alley. Dick Adams is the bill-sticker—kind of cousin of mine, and a good sort. I'll arrange with him easy enough, and give him some stock. He receives a good lotⒶalteration in the MS of mail matter. We can't have ours come hereⒶalteration in the MS; we don't want to attract too much attention, along at first.Ⓐalteration in the MS What are you looking so perplexed about?”
“Well, it's this. The circular doesn't say anything about proof Ⓐalteration in the MS.”
“I'll fix it in two words. There—nowⒶalteration in the MS it saysⒶalteration in the MS the verdict of the inquest shall be sufficient proof that the owner or bearerⒶalteration in the MS of the ticket was killed by lightning.”
“Oh, that's all very well, but suppose they don't holdⒶalteration in the MS an inquest?”
“Why, hang it, they've got to. Don't you know that much? It's a case of ‘visitation of God,’ as they call it. Well, when He calls on a person in that informal way you don't take the compliment on trust, the law makes you call an inquest and prove Ⓐalteration in the MS it. Go on. What else?Ⓐemendation”
“Why, this—which seems to me to be a perfectly ruinous defect—colossal, the way I look at it: the ticket doesn't contain the candidate's name, it only says OwnerⒶalteration in the MS or BearerⒶalteration in the MS. That is, Owner or somebodyⒶalteration in the MS else— anybody Ⓐalteration in the MS else. Don't you see? anyⒶalteration in the MS lightning-victimⒶalteration in the MS that holds the ticket can collect the money.Ⓐalteration in the MS You didn't happen to notice that, did you?”
“Oh, yes I did.Ⓐalteration in the MS”
“Well then, why didn't you correct it?”
“I didn't want to.”
“Oh, come—just hear yourself talk! You're not going to let it stay there, surely?Ⓐemendation”
“Oh, indeed yes! It's deep, it's cunning, it's gay—it's the crown jewel of the whole scheme!”
“ThatⒶalteration in the MS foolishness?”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“Yes. And it isn't foolishness; I tell you it's deep;Ⓐalteration in the MS it's fearfully and wonderfully cunning.”
“Explain it, then—explain it.”
“The explanation is this: it secures to us the entire trade; the lightning-struck trade of the wholeⒶalteration in the MS country.”
[begin page 88]“How? Why?”
“Because the minute a personⒶalteration in the MS is struck dead by lightning—man, woman or child—friends will fly around and borrow a ticket, on halves, and tuck it into that person'sⒶalteration in the MS pocket.”
“Gracious!Ⓐalteration in the MS is that an advantage?Ⓐemendation”
“Yes, and don't you doubt it. As soon as the public find out that we don't care how the corpse got the ticket, everybody will buy one and lay for a chance to sell it to a cadaver.Ⓐalteration in the MS By and by we'll have a hundred million tickets out, and the money in the bank.”
“Oh, but whyⒶalteration in the MS do you want to pay for a corpse when he didn't own the ticket?”
“Because it's such a smashingⒶalteration in the MS advertisement. The watchword of modern commerce is, Advertise! advertise! advertise! Every time a person gets killed by lightning somebody will furnish that person a ticket before he is cold, and two or three days later the neighborhood will be electrified, transported, enraptured with the news that we have emptied a bushel of greenbacks into that bereaved family's lap and didn't ask a question.Ⓐalteration in the MS That entire community will invest in our vest-pocket lightning-rods right away and begin to take a hopeful interest in people that go loafing around under high treesⒶalteration in the MS in thunder-storms. People die of disease, people get killed in one way or another, and in nine hundred and ninety-nine cases out of a thousandⒶalteration in the MS it is regretfully discovered that they had neglected to insure their lives—which is bad for the family and bad for the insurance companies; but our case is ever Ⓐalteration in the MS so different! By and by not one personⒶalteration in the MS will be killed by lightning in America that we don't pay for. It will give us immense vogue, stunning popularity, unimaginable prosperity!Ⓐalteration in the MS Ⓐtextual note . . . . Well, speak up. What's troubling you? What's on your mind? Have you struck a snag?”
“I don't quite know, but it looks so to me. We seem to be plunging into this thing helter-skelter without knowing what we are doing it on. We need to know just how much market there is. We've got to have statistics. If it was New York City surface-transportationⒶalteration in the MS, there you are: 200 a month killed, and 3,000 crippled. If it's U. S.Ⓐalteration in the MS railroads, there you are again: 12,000 killed per annum and 80,000Ⓐalteration in the MS wounded; soⒶalteration in the MS Ⓐemendation you know how to arrange your table of rates and premiums. But when you come to lightning, we're plumb in the dark—no statistics, nothing in [begin page 89] the world to go upon. Jasper, we don't know anything about this business.”
“Excuse me! I know about it.”
“Do you really, Jasper? you've got statistics?”
“I have, I give you my word.”
“Oh, all right, then! I wasⒶalteration in the MS feeling discouraged,Ⓐalteration in the MS but I'm cheerful again. How many people are killed by lightning in America in a year?”
“Twenty-eight.Ⓐalteration in the MS There! don't fall off your chair! What's the matter with you?”
“Matter with me? Why, you're crazy. What's the sense in an insurance company to insure 28 people?”
“There's plenty of sense in it. Besides, we are not after the 28, we are after the others.Ⓐemendation”
“What others?”
“The rest of the nation. They'll all come in. Ninety millions. Most of them, anyway. They're all gamblers; everybody is. Do you think you know anybody that would throw away a chance to win five thousand dollarsⒶalteration in the MS on a one-dollar risk? The first you know you'll be taking out a policy yourself. . . . What are you blushing about?”
“The fact is I was thinking of chancing a dollar on the game.”
“Well, let that teach you. You're no new invention, the rest of the race is just like you.Ⓐalteration in the MS There's 100,000 clergymen in America; get a church directory, and send them a circular.Ⓐalteration in the MS Send circulars to Bryn Mawr, to Vassar, to Smith, to Wellesley. Send them to Yale, Harvard, and the other universities.Ⓐalteration in the MS Get a chambermaid's directory and send to all the chambermaids. Pull in the milliners—pull them all in. And the sales-ladies; there's a million of those, and all good for Series A. Then there's the miners, and mechanics, and laborers,Ⓐalteration in the MS and clerks, and soldiers, and sailors, and professors, and underpaid schoolmarms, and—oh, well, we'll get allⒶalteration in the MS the poor, the struggling, the discouraged, the unfortunate, the forlorn, the friendless, the—look here, don't you make a mistake, Steve, and underrate the value of the poor in an enterprise like this. Why, they're the very bed rock; I wish there was more of them . . .Ⓐalteration in the MS Steve!”
“Well?”
“I've got another ideaⒶalteration in the MS!”
[begin page 90]“What is it?”
“It's to pay ten per cent extra, where a person is killed in church. Distinctly aⒶalteration in the MS good idea, it seems to me. Makes us friends with the clergy right at the start—helps to fill up the pews.Ⓐalteration in the MS And there's more churches struck, you know, than any other thing except Sabbath-breakers. . . .Ⓐalteration in the MS Come in!” Ⓐalteration in the MS
It was the landlady, Mrs. Maloney. She stood silentⒶalteration in the MS a moment, accumulating gloom, then she began, austerely—Ⓐalteration in the MS
“I'll have to inform you, gentlemen—” Her glance fell upon the hatful of greasy Ones and TwosⒶalteration in the MS, with here and there a Five, piled up on the table, and she finished courteously and pleasantly with “Your supper's waiting, and everybody's done but you. I reckon you didn't hear the bell, but I've kept it hot for you.”
“Oh, thank you, Mrs. Maloney, thank you ever so much,” and the young men bowed her out.
“Steve, she came to give us notice.”
“Yes, I saw it. ButⒶalteration in the MS sheⒶemendation changed her note with admirable art, without a break in the bar, when she saw the money.Ⓐalteration in the MS And that bell! wasn't it neat? They didn't ringⒶalteration in the MS the bell—I should have heard it. That bell was suppressed on our account.”
“The money has saved us, Stephen. And it is an impressive sight. I've never had that much in my hands before. Nor you either. Steve, she was so paralysed she didn't think to call for the arrears.”
“It's because we can pay; otherwise she'd have called—with a shout.Ⓐalteration in the MS It fills her with reverence. The human being's worship is divided between God and money.”
“In equal proportions?”
“No, 1 to 95.”
Privately,Ⓐalteration in the MS eachⒶemendation of those young men was feeling good in his heart, and deliciously anticipative. They would be waited on, at supper, by the girls, with not a boarder in the way. It might not be too late to win [begin page 91] them back from the plumber and the carpenter, now that the sight of that money had restored the pair of delinquentsⒶalteration in the MS to the mother's favor. She had liked them well, only a little while back, and had manifestly been pleased with their attentions to her daughters.
But they suffered a disappointment. It was mamma who presided at the tableⒶalteration in the MS, and did the waiting. They were sad, and couldn't talk, though mamma was cheerful and friendly, and tried to make conversation. There were pauses, uncomfortable silences; silences so deep, sometimes, that you could hear the boarding-house smells; particularly that pungent pork-and-cabbage odor that pervades a boarding houseⒶemendation from cellar to roof, and gives out a plaintive wail like the dreamy moan of the eolian harp when its chords are brushed by the wandering zephyr in the stillness of the summer night. To-night it spoke of the absent, and brought heartbreak with it, and Steve said, in the privacy of his bosom, Would it were dumb; it makes me think of her, it speaks to me of her, she carries it in her dear clothes, it haunts me like a viewless spirit—oh, my lost one! lost to me forevermore, mayhap!
They were dear girls; dear, sweet, loud, familiar, good-hearted, vulgar mechanic'sⒶemendation-boarding-house girls, of the eternal pattern, the regulation pattern, the pattern that never changes and never fails. Pretty, too. They always are. And always young—sixteen, seventeen, eighteen—seldom above that. Innocent, cheery, full of the joy of youth, free in their ways, but clean in their souls; slangy, ungrammatical; and of such is the kingdom of heaven. AsⒶtextual note remarked by Steve when he was feeling poetic and oratorical, and wanted a happy figure, and was willing to take any that offered, just so it sounded good. Precious, precious creatures!
And now they came prancing into the sombre place and drenched it with sunshine. Clothed all in dainty summer white; short frocks, trim ancles, brown shoes, pink belts, pink ribbons bunched at the back of the comely heads—oh, just ravishing! Into the gloom comes this burst of sunshine, cackling, romping, chattering, flings out a gay greeting, “Hello, Steve!Ⓐalteration in the MS hello Jaspie! ta-ta, good-bye, so-long, be good to yourselves, dear-hearts!” and out they prance and vanish, alas! leaving sorrow and the blackness of darkness behind them.
“Stop—come back here!” shouts mamma; “where are you going?”
Out of the distance comes the answer—
[begin page 92]“To Coney with the boys.”
Then silence. TheyⒶalteration in the MS are gone. “The boys.” Small words, simple words, but they sent a pain deep into two hearts thereⒶalteration in the MS, for they stood for the plumber and the carpenter, and those hurt hearts knew it.
The girlsⒶalteration in the MS did not come back, that night—nor yetⒶalteration in the MS the plumber nor the carpenter.
They all returned in the morning—married.
Alas!
Two months later—mid-September. The International Lightning ning Trust, arrayed in new clothes, tailor-made clothes, expensive clothes, sat chatting in their little front office at 102 Fordham Court. We say front office, for already they had a back one.Ⓐalteration in the MS This shows how their business was growing. Two offices, two desks, and new clothes. Plainly the Trust was prospering.
It was afternoon; a September storm was gathering, the air was humid, close, hot, there was no breeze, the sky was steeped in a deep rich gloom, which was suddenly riven perpendicularly with a snaky ribbon of white lightning, and this was followed by a crashing thunder-blast. Evidently the young men were charmed.
“My, isn't it splendid, Steve!”
“It just is!”
“I used to hate it. I wanted to get under the bed.”
“Me too. I used to go down cellar. But it's all changed now. I don't feel that way any more.”
“No, lightning is beautiful now. Only two weeks ago I was still dreading it. We were not ready to have it throw business into our hands yet. Steve, I didn't sleep a wink the time the papers reported that accident out in Nebraska.Ⓐalteration in the MS Remember how we watched the postmarks that week?”
“Don't mention it, pal! I thoughtⒶalteration in the MS if I should see NebraskaⒶalteration in the MS on an envelop I should faint.”
[begin page 93]“Just so with me. The first few that came made me sick. But they didn't bring any commands to stand and deliver, and so—”
“Oh, quite the contrary! Soon they came from out there in a flood, and they all brought dollars.”
“Yes, we had a boom out there, and it's booming yet. It was a mortal pity we were not strong enough to outfit that stranger with a five thousand dollar vest-pocket lightning-rod, it would have been worth stacks of income to us. But we are strong enough to take care of the next opportunity, don't you think?”
“Sure. We could liquidate a candidateⒶalteration in the MS, and still have money in the bank. A fortnight from now we could easily take care of a couple,Ⓐalteration in the MS the way the receipts are increasing. Do you know, the work is getting pretty heavy for just us two? Within a week we'll need help.”
“I guess so. Where shall we look, Steve?”
Steve exhibited just a touch of embarrassment, then said—
“I've already been looking.”
“I just knew it! Something told me. What did she say?”
“Jumped at it! So did her mother.”
“Good. How did it come about?”
“Well, it was like this. Mamma was moaning to me about that plumber and that carpenter, and seeking sympathy. She said the whole four had got enough of each other before they'd been married three weeks; then the two bridegrooms got a job out West, so theyⒶalteration in the MS said, and departed. Going to prepare a home for their loved ones; going to send for them when it was prepared; going to write every day, and all that. Not a line, from that day to this—and there the poor old lady broke down and cried. I tell you Jasper, it was pitiful to see. Then she began to fish—and I didn't hinder her any. She said it's hard times, and difficult forⒶalteration in the MS her to make both ends meet; she did wish her poor deserted girls could find some kind of employment. Then she approached the subject a little nearer; she had evidently noticed our clothes and our promptness in paying board, and she had divined prosperity from those things—I could see it; and so I wasn't surprised when she asked me if we could help her find work for Kitty and Molly. Jasper, I just felt good! And I didn't waste any time. I said we could furnish the work; all we wanted was people that could keep our business a secret.”
[begin page 94]“ ‘Bless you, they'll do that,’ she said, and called them down and I hired them both on the spot. Do you like it?”
“Don't ask me! it makes me want to gush. When did you do all this?”
“Two hours ago, right after dinner. I've ordered the desks.”
“Well, isn't it luck! Steve, I reckon we'd better tidy this rookery up a little.”
“All right, get at it. I'll help. It won't do any harm; they won't know it has been done, and they'll do it all over again. It certainly is a lucky day, now isn't it? Listen to that thunder! Jasper, it does me good to hear it. I think it's manufacturing business for us.”Ⓐalteration in the MS
The young grass widows went to work the next day. But they were aⒶalteration in the MS sorrowful disappointment, in one way: they were CatholicsⒶtextual note, and they wouldn't listen to any talk about divorce—Ⓐalteration in the MSfor desertionⒶalteration in the MS or on any other plea; neither would they allow themselves to be courted.
They held their ground straight along, day after day; then the young men laid their happy hopes aside, and Steve said he wished he was dead. Jasper said—
“Steve, you are foolish to talk like that. We are not so very bad off. You've got KittyⒶalteration in the MS for society all day in the back room and I've got Molly inⒶalteration in the MS the front. And my, but they're lovely to look at! And they are that sweet, and chattery, and lively, and affectionate and caressing—why, to my mind, it's just the same as being in heaven.”
“Yes,” said Steve, bitterly, “in heaven, but nothing permanent about it. In heaven with a stop-over ticket. Those vanished mechanics can turn up, any time, and then it's a case of moving downⒶalteration in the MS to the other place.”
“Steve, you ought not to be so despondent. Have you no trust in Providence? What are we in this world for? To do good. If we do good, Providence will make everything right for us. Aren't we doing good? Who is doing more? We are providing fortunes for the poor; fortunes for poor bereaved families; and giving every one of them a chance. I love our mission. We are Benefactors; Benefactors of the stricken, the unfortunate, the bereaved; we are the stay and support and consolation of the desolate, we heal the broken heart, we are the pauper's only friend. Providence watchesⒶalteration in the MS over us; Providence sees what we are doing; Providence will recompense us; Providence—”
[begin page 95]“Oh, I know it! I know all that; I know we deserve well; I know our sacrifices for the poor and the bereaved are observed by Providence; still,Ⓐalteration in the MS my conscience is not at rest, I have no peace of mind these days.”
“Why, Steve?”
“Because we do so much lying. Providence is noticing that, too, you may be sure, and it will do us a damage.”
This thought went deep, and it made Jasper tremble. He had not thought of this. It sobered him. He remembered with pain that only the last Sabbath, in instructing his Bible class he had dwelt with feeling and impressiveness upon the sinfulness of lying, and now he was himself found guilty. He realized, with shame, that every new circular he issued contained fresh lies—lies essential to prosperityⒶalteration in the MS and expansion in the business, it was true, but lies all the same; he realized that the size of these lies was getting bigger and bigger with every new output, and the thought of it made his cheek burn. He saw clearly that in contriving these unholy inventions he was imperiling his salvation, and heⒶalteration in the MS spoke up with decision, and said—
“I stop it right here! I will no longer soil my soul with it; we must hire a liar.”
Steve responded with strong emotion—
“Oh, thank you for those blessed words, they heal my heart, and it was so sore, so wounded! Our sin removed, our purity restored, we are our own true selves again, dear Jasper, and I know there is rejoicing in heaven over this reform. I shall sleep again, now, as of yore, and be at peace, as knowing the approving angels are watching over me. Jasper, I am hungry to begin anew—have you thought of any one for the place?”
Several names were mentioned and discussed, expertsⒶalteration in the MS of known ability, all of them: interviewers, fishermen, big-game hunters, and such-like, but no decision was arrived at. In the end it was decided to call in twenty or thirty professionalsⒶalteration in the MS and submit the prize to a competition. A man who had been trained by the inventor of the Keeley Motor got the position.Ⓐalteration in the MS
[begin page 96]Next day a thunder-stormⒶemendation swept northward over the city.Ⓐalteration in the MS A telegram in the eveningⒶalteration in the MS editions said—
“A blacksmith by the name of Saugatuck J. Skidmore was struck by the lightning in the village of Dingley Crossroads, Conn., and instantly killed,Ⓐalteration in the MS leaving a wife and six children in debt and without means, the intention being to take up a subscription for them in the village church next Sabbath it is said.”
Steve exclaimed—
“Oh, Jasper, how I do pity that poor widow and those destitute little ones, the thought of them wringsⒶalteration in the MS my heart. I do hopeⒶalteration in the MS Providence will send some kind soul to the inquest with a ticket for that hard-working unfortunate blacksmith.”
“He will! I know he will; do not doubt it. It would be ungrateful in us to fail of our trust in Providence at such a time as this, remembering how he has supported us and stood by us, Steve.”
“I do Ⓐalteration in the MS trust in him, Jasper, I do indeed; but if there was only some way to be sure he would send the ticket—”
“Well, IⒶalteration in the MS don't doubt him. Still, maybe we better not run any risks—I'll carry it myself.”
“Oh, that will be so much better, Jasper—it is wonderful how thoughtful you are.”
“Jump for the bank and fetch me the cash; I'llⒶalteration in the MS take the next train.”
Jasper was at the inquest, next morning, in the blacksmith shop, and tucked the ticket into the pocket of a vest that hung, with a threadbare coat, on the wall. The mourning widow and children were there, and also as many of the villagers as could get in. Three witnesses were examined. By their testimony, and that of the village doctor, it was proven that deceased came to his death by lightning, and a verdict to that effect was rendered. Then Jasper asked leave to say a word, and it was granted. He proceeded, with solemnity and deep feeling:Ⓐalteration in the MS
“I am present upon this sad occasion, this affecting occasion, by compulsion of my official character as agent for the International [begin page 97] Lightning Insurance Trust. Our unfortunateⒶalteration in the MS brother, the deceased, was insured in our company.” (He paused, to let the buzz of surprise and gratification which broke from the lips of the audience run its course; also to note the half-doubting half-believing light of gratitude and hope that rose in the widow's despondent face.) “Only three days ago he sent us a dollar, to buy one of our tickets—Series A, No. 42348—and we mailed it to him the nextⒶalteration in the MS afternoon. I have brought the money with me—five thousand dollars—” (A general and sweeping gasp of astonishment interrupted him for a moment)—“and it will be my not ungrateful duty to place it in the hands of this stricken lady—with my profound and sincere sympathy in the irreparable loss which she has sustained—upon the return, to me, of the ticket, this evidence being necessary, but quite sufficient, simple as it is.” (He took a vast roll of greenbacks out of his handbag.) “Madam, if you have the ticket—”
She began to sob, and wring her hands; and said—
“Oh, he didn't think to tell me about it, he never expecting anything from it, of course, and I don't know what he did with it, and now we never never Ⓐalteration in the MS shall find it, O I just knowⒶalteration in the MS it!”
Jasper spoke consolingly, and said—
“Don't despair, dear madam, I pray you. ItⒶalteration in the MS will be found, I hope and believe. He must have had it about him. Without a doubt he received it day before yesterday in the afternoon; and if you know what clothes he was wearing then—”
“The same he is wearing now, there where he lies in his shirt-sleeves, just as he was struck.Ⓐalteration in the MS There aren't any others. Look in his pockets, Maria. Quick—oh, do Ⓐalteration in the MS !”
All eyes were at onceⒶalteration in the MS centred upon Maria, intently, eagerly, expectantly. But the searching and ransacking and rummaging failed. Nothing was found, in the nature of a ticket, and something like a groan passed over the house, from lip to lip.
“Oh, dear, dear, I knew it, I just knew it!Ⓐalteration in the MS It'll never be found, and we haven't a pennyⒶalteration in the MS in the world!”
“But don't give up, dear madam, maybe he had his coat on; maybe he—”
“Oh, his coat, certainly—I never thought of that! Yonder it is—do search it, some of you—Ⓐalteration in the MSand the vest, too.”
[begin page 98]ActiveⒶalteration in the MS hands snatched the things from the wall, and a cry went up—
“Here it is!—is this the one?”
It was swiftly passed from hand to hand, and in a minute Jasper had it. He put on unnecessaryⒶalteration in the MS glasses and examined it long and carefully, while the house held its breath—he remarking, from time to time,Ⓐalteration in the MS “we haveⒶalteration in the MS to be carefulⒶalteration in the MS, to guard against counterfeits.” Then he put away his glasses very deliberatelyⒶalteration in the MS; after which, without saying anything, he stepped to the widow's side and began to lay crisp new fifty-dollar bills in her lap, one at a time,Ⓐalteration in the MS with not a sound to disturb the deep silence, until aⒶalteration in the MS hundred layⒶalteration in the MS piled up there. Then the house's pent enthusiasm burst its bounds and lifted the roof!
Next day an Associated PressⒶemendation dispatch told the United States all about it, and a day later the Trust began to lay in some more clerks;Ⓐalteration in the MS some more the following day; some more every succeeding day. It took possession ofⒶalteration in the MS the second floor on lease,Ⓐalteration in the MS and filled it with desks; then the third floor, then the threeⒶalteration in the MS remaining floors, knowing they were going to need them.
The young men were full of gratitude for these prodigious prosperities; words failed them to express all their thankfulness. But they indulged in no self-praises, no personal boastings and braggings, no hysterical exultations. No, they were humble. They said, “not for us the praise; we have not done this, it comes from a higher source.”
“How true that is,” said Steve. “How surely, how manifestly, how unquestionably the blacksmith was ordained for his gracious work, his noble work, his sacrificial work—dying to save others.”
“Yes, the hand of Providence was in it—how plainly I can see it now, Steve. Can our trust in that hand ever weaken, ever waver, after this?”
“Oh, mine never never can!” said Steve, with emotion. “And never can I forget the humble instrument; never can I forget the consecrated blacksmith, and what he has been to us.”
“I feel the same way, Steve. I want to certify and perpetuate this sentiment in some appropriate way. In some secondary way—but Providence first. In the Great Seal of the Trust. I want the blacksmith, in his shirt-sleeves and leather apron, bending over, with a horse's hind foot between his knees and the jagged lance of lightning hitting him [begin page 99] back of the head,Ⓐalteration in the MS and the kneelingⒶalteration in the MS family in a group with faces turned thankfully aloft. Motto, ‘In Providence We Trust.’ ”Ⓐemendation
“It's grand, Jasper, it's just grand! how did you ever come to think of it?Ⓐemendation”
“And I want to change our name a little, too, Steve. I want to call it the International Christian Lightning Trust.”
“It sounds good, Jasper, it sounds noble. You have a special reason?”
“Yes. Look at Christian Science. Notice how it booms, how it spreads, how it sweeps the land. Why, you can almost hear it boom. What is the reason? Why, just that one wordⒶalteration in the MS that it conjures with—Christian. It could heal without that; did heal, before it ever added that magic name; but did it get any business? No, sir. Not enough to pay Quimby's rent on the fourth floor. If it everⒶalteration in the MS had Ⓐalteration in the MS a name, it couldn't get it before the public; it wasn't worth a farthing, as an advertisement; it couldn't attract attention, try as it might. But Mrs. Eddy devised that name, and hitched the business to an ancient, honored,Ⓐalteration in the MS time-tested, sound, prosperous religion—and look at the result:Ⓐalteration in the MS that religion is hauling that ambulance right along. And will keep on hauling it, too, transportation free. That word is a splendid asset—perfectly splendid!”
“It certainly looks so, Jasper.”
“It is so. Look atⒶalteration in the MS Mental Science; look at Prayer-Healing; look at Faith-Cure—and a couple of dozen others, all in exactly theⒶalteration in the MS same business as Christian Science and using exactly the same curative force—Ⓐalteration in the MSwhy, you hardly ever hear of them. They don't get a start. It would be very different if they would add that name.Ⓐtextual note . . . Tell me: when do you suppose we can begin to advertise the five-dollar tickets?”
“My idea is, when our income reaches a thousand dollars a day.”
“Then it isn't far off.”
“No. Not more than a month or soⒶalteration in the MS, the way things look now. In six or eight months I think we can issue the ten-dollar tickets with safety, and pull in the trade of the well to do.”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“What have we arrived at withⒶalteration in the MS the capitalists that financed us with that $200—the 63?”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“Nothing done, as yet. Suppose we pay back the loans and a hundred per cent interest, now—”
[begin page 100]“Agreed; and after a little we will divide up a tenth of the stock among them, pro rata.”
“Yes; and by and by we will send them abroad to establish agencies around the globe.”
Two years later. The young men were chatting and smoking in one of their palatial private offices. The prosperity of the International Christian Lightning Trust was colossal, immeasurable, unimaginable. It was the wonder and the talk of the whole planet. It had bought the vast newⒶalteration in the MS Pennsylvania Railway station, and the Pennsylvania had moved up town, subways and all.Ⓐalteration in the MS The building swarmed with hurrying and rushing humanity. On one floor you would find the sign, in vast gilded letters,Ⓐalteration in the MS “Great Britain;” on another floor, “German Empire;” on other floors “China;” “India;” “Japan;” “Russian Empire,” and so on and so on—all countries were represented. Also, there were suitsⒶtextual note of rooms that displayed over their main doors the words “Railroads,” “Banks,” “Mines,” “Manufacturing Industries,” etc.; othersⒶalteration in the MS that displayed the words “Congress,” “Federal Government,” “Tariff Chamber,”Ⓐalteration in the MS etc.; and still others that displayed the names of the several States and Territories, with the word “Legislature” added.Ⓐalteration in the MS
Daily all these departments drove a heavy trade. For the young partners bought railway systems in bulk, and sold them in bulk; they bought and sold banks and mines; now and then they bought the U. S. Steel Corporation and sold it again; now and then they bought the Standard Oil and sold it again; also they bought anything and everything that was for sale, except perhaps legislatures; and it was whispered that they were deep in a plan to buy the army and navy and start a monarchy and nobility.Ⓐalteration in the MS
In the gorgeous suiteⒶtextual note of salons that bore the sign “Coronet Parlors” a large and increasing commerce was carried on, under the capableⒶalteration in the MS management of the Count and Countess Alibi. The business was planetarial in its scope. There you could get anything you wanted: [begin page 101] if, for the moment, it wasn't in stock, the Count would order it for you. By wireless. It would arrive by the next ship. The house dealt in everything going, from Russian and LatinⒶalteration in the MS princes all the way downⒶemendation Ⓐalteration in the MS toⒶtextual note English viscounts—Ⓐalteration in the MSand drew the line there.Ⓐalteration in the MS
Molly hadⒶalteration in the MS two thousand lady-clerks under her, and Kitty the same.
The vast court was full of motor-cars, the spacious roofs were full of aeroplanes.
Jasper cleared his throat, andⒶalteration in the MS flipped the ash from his cigar. He didⒶalteration in the MS it because it is always done in books, as preparation for a remark. The remark could be made just as well without it, but he was a slave to custom. Then he said—
“Steve, we have really done wonders—”
“Under Providence,” Steve interrupted, austerely.
“I was going to say it, Steve,Ⓐalteration in the MS I was indeed; it would be ungrateful in me to forget. Yes—wonders! When we went into the business there was an average of only 28 death-strokes per year in America; itⒶalteration in the MS didn't vary more than two, either way, and was as regular and forecastable as suicide. Only two years, and already we've got it up to 280,000 per annum.”
“I know; but it was our liar that did thatⒶalteration in the MS—under Pr— say, Jasper!Ⓐalteration in the MS do you know that the foreign business is soaring up, now, at a most incredible rate? It certainly is. In Italy it has knocked the lottery cold, so to speak—the lottery isn't anywhere; we are getting all the business. The government is frightened, and threatens to expel us. All over the world we are doing a vast and increasing trade. Our liar hasⒶalteration in the MS worked the several countries hard; in the most of them he has increased the lightning-stroke output away high up above the facts. Admirable genius! and so devoted to his art, and so earnest. A pity we lost him.”
“Have we lost him?”
“Yes, the patent medicine Trust wanted him, and I let him go. We could spare him; I've had understudies in training, this good while. He gets three hundred thousand a year, now—a third more than we were paying him.”
“Steve,Ⓐalteration in the MS what was the actual kill, this last year?”
“Thirty-one. A point above last year. Due toⒶalteration in the MS increaseⒶemendation of population, you know.”Ⓐalteration in the MS
“Did we get all of them?”
[begin page 102]“Every one. Bailey has nothing to do but watch the papers and send tickets to the victims and the families. A good man, Bailey, and thoughtful. Nobody gets killed in the winter, of course,Ⓐalteration in the MS but Bailey doesn't allow that Ⓐalteration in the MS to keep us out of the public eye. In every winter month he pays one or two or three policies and keepsⒶalteration in the MS the talk going.”
“How does he manage?”
“When a railroad hand gets crushed, he waits about a week to let the memory of it stale a little,Ⓐalteration in the MS then he sends five or six of his trained witnesses there, and they get up a private conspiracy to swindle our Trust and divide the swag among the confederates and a selected poorⒶalteration in the MS family. They send for Bailey, and he comes, looking guileless and gullible, and they convince him that the man was killed by lightning, and that the coroner's an ass. Bailey pays, and the grateful family hug him, and weep down his back,Ⓐalteration in the MS and laugh in their sleeve; and so do all the gang, includingⒶalteration in the MS Bailey's trained witnesses. The news filters around over the country, and Bailey gets offers of all kinds of dead men, but he doesn't take them, he only takes a deceased when the business needs one.”Ⓐemendation
P.S.
Our story is told. Still, a brief postscript may not be amiss. The happiness of our young men was large, but it was not complete. It could not be complete while they remained unwedded to the idols of their young hearts. The idols of their young hearts stood stedfastly upon principle, and would wed no one while the carpenter and the plumber remained undead, or, if dead, not known to be dead. There they sat, day after day, the beautiful ones, the worshipped—Ⓐalteration in the MSlovely, gracious, soul-intoxicating, exquisitely clothed, expensively clothed, bewitchingly clothed, from the ground up, and crowned with a pom-padoured halo, a divineⒶalteration in the MS arrangement of their hair on the pattern of the pneumatic tyre—there they sat, day after day and smiled, sweetly smiled, tenderly smiled, longingly smiled, but remained loyal to principle, loyal to religion, loyal to their own best selves, and waited upon [begin page 103] the will of Providence, without murmur, without complaint. They were proud, too, nobly proud. They said that even if Providence should pity them and set them free, they doubted if it would be properly self-respecting in two fortuneless young creatures to marry these billionaires and bring upon themselves the suspicion that it was their money they were marrying.
Yet the young men were bravely and unyieldingly hopeful through it all. They said Providence had never failed them yet; had they a right to doubtⒶalteration in the MS Providence now? No. True, the case was difficult andⒶalteration in the MS complex, but what of that?—nothing was impossible to Providence. No, no—Ⓐalteration in the MSall in good time Providence would find a way out. Steve said, with heroic faith,Ⓐalteration in the MS
“Give him a chance!”
This was prophetic. How seldom it is that a prophecy possesses that character. Few have noticed this, yet it is true. And how discouraging are a prophet's experiences, as a rule. Steve said prophesyingⒶemendation was the only human art that couldn't be improved by practice. It was a most just judgment, and was admired by all who heard it.
Only thirteen days after the utterance of the prophecy just quoted, Jasper was in the Far West.Ⓐalteration in the MS He did not know why; he had no business there,Ⓐalteration in the MS and the thought thrilled him, for he recognizedⒶemendation the hand of Providence in it. He was in the village of Arkansas Flats.Ⓐalteration in the MS It was a Sunday. In the morning. All was tranquil, peaceful, holy; the Sunday school bells were chanting, the sweet children, scoured, tidy, reverent, were wending their way, in groups and in procession, silently rehearsing their verses; the slumbering Mississippi was glassing its verdant islands in its shining surface. Such was the scene: the tragedy follows. That very evening Jasper wrote a letter, and this is what he said in it:
Far out upon the broad stream two men were fishing, in a boat. Breaking the Sabbath.Ⓐalteration in the MS Presently a vast fish, seeking nourishment, tried to climb into the boat. The frightened men sought refuge in the river, on the side opposite to the one occupied by the invasion. They could not swim. They struggled desperately, hopelessly. Kind strangers flew to their rescue. They were saved, when almost expiring. Realizing their sin, and that they had been near to death, they were now repentant, they were changed men, redeemed men, and they resolved that from that mo- [begin page 104] ment they would lead righteous lives. As soon as they could change their clothes they went rejoicing to church, hosannahingⒶtextual note their happinessⒶalteration in the MS out of full hearts, and got struck by lightning. The only ones it happened to. And whoⒶalteration in the MS were they? It was the plumber and the carpenter! Ⓐalteration in the MS The hand of Providence was in it. I now recognized, with awe and wonder, why I was in that far region, I now recognizedⒶalteration in the MS the source of the mysterious impulse that had directed my wanderingⒶemendation steps.Ⓐalteration in the MS I was in the church; I was the first to reach the bodies; it was my pitying hands that closed the glazing eyes; it was Providence that provided the tickets, but I helped. OneⒶalteration in the MS apiece, of the hundred-thousand-dollar kind—a good advertisement. You will raise it to twentyⒶemendation tickets, Steve,Ⓐalteration in the MS in reporting to the bereaved the calamity which has befallen them. Break it as gently as you can, and hand them the money. Shall you ever doubt again, Steve? can you ever doubt again?
Those loving young creatures, once so poor, now so rich; once so despised, now so courted; once so obscure, now so illustrious, are happy to-day in holy matrimony, and are in society. By humble faith, virtue, and brave self-sacrifice they have reached these sublime heights. They will never doubt again.
It is a lesson for usⒶalteration in the MS all.
alone.] followed by the passage below, canceled in the TS after being revised in both MS and TS. The passage is reproduced from the TS with typing errors silently corrected. The superior numbers refer to Mark Twain's revisions which are listed following the passage.
‘Like the wounded hart when forsaken by its fellows, I can bleed my poor ruined life out in the solitude of the forest, making no moan. . . . . Ah me, ah me, that she should turn against me, that she should look cold upon me! that1 she should reproach me with my poverty! She2 whom I have so loved; she at whose feet I would lay the ransom of a king if I possessed it. She said it grieved her to sever the tender bond that bound us, but she could not, could not 3 risk her fair young life in the hands of a comp.4 who couldn't even get subbing to do. I begged her, I implored her, to give her poor Steve a little longer time, but she repelled me, repelled me5 coldly, haughtily, and said please not call myself her poor Steve any more. O, but6 that cut! it cut deep, it cut to the sacred deeps of my too-sensitive soul. Think! it is I that am deserted for a plumber! O shame, where is thy blush, O mortification, where is thy . . . . why don't you say something!”
‘Jasper still sat wrapt and silent.7
‘ “Doesn't even hear me. Ah, I wish I could go off dreaming, like that, and forget my sorrows in fulsome fancies of a diseased mind. But’.
1. that] originally ‘That’; the ‘t’ written over ‘T’.2. She] the ‘S’ mended from ‘s’.
3. not] roman in MS.
4. comp.] the period added to the TS.
5. me] followed by a canceled comma.
6. but] interlined with a caret in the TS.
7. Jasper . . . silent.] added following canceled ‘Silence.’
Come in!”] follows ‘Steve!” ’ canceled in the TS and precedes the following passage which was revised in both MS and TS then canceled in the TS. The passage is reproduced from the TS with typing errors silently corrected. The superior numbers refer to Mark Twain's revisions which are listed following the passage.
‘ “I'm listening.”1
‘ “I've got another!”2
‘ “Well, fetch it out.”
‘ “Another red-hot advertisement.3 Listen:4 we'll get a bill5 through Congress putting a tariff on imported lightning.”
‘ “Ah,6 but will they do that, Jasper?7 Why would they do it?”
‘ “To protect our infant8 domestic product.”
‘ “Sho, there isn't any domestic lightning, it's all foreign; we don't raise any.”
‘ “Certainly—I know that. But Congress has to look ahead and protect infant industries that are as yet in the womb or somewhere. Like quinine, you know; and elephants, and radium, and angels, and—”
‘ “Angels? You don't mean that, Jasper. They wouldn't make an angel pay duty, it would be a scandal, and would make no end of talk. No, the9 angel would get in free, I know it.”
‘ “Let him try it, that's all. He would have to put up. Even Black-Handers have to do that, although they have a vote in two weeks. And in four weeks they get a pension.”
‘ “Pension for what?”
‘ “Fighting in the Revolution.”10
‘ “But he didn't, Jasper.”
‘ “Well then, they get it for the vote. It's what a pension is for. Now then, we'll get a tariff put on foreign lightning, then we'll privately get that tariff attacked in the newspapers; get them to11 say it's done in the interest of a bloated trust that is insuring against12 death by lightning, and finding millions of people foolish enough to chance a dollar bill on a death-risk because the Trust pays five thousand where an investor gets hit and draws a prize. It'll be a wonderful advertisement, Steve, if we can beguile the newspapers into doing that. My, the rages it will raise, and the talk it will make! Then we can reply back, and feel hurt, and unjustly and unfairly treated, and all that, and tell how but for the Trust the bereaved families of the twenty-eight thousand who died13 by lightning14 last year would now be suffering the pangs of penury instead of wallowing in sums ranging from five thousand dollars to a hundred thousand for each vacancy achieved in the hallowed home circle, and—”
‘ “Twenty-eight thousand? You said it was only twenty-eight15 a while ago.”
‘ “Yes, I know, but that is for private consumption; you've got to raise it to something impressive when you want to get the public to take notice.”
‘ “But that is such a raise!”
‘ “Yes, it'll do for the present; we can give it another lift by and by if we need to . . . . . Come in!” ’
1. listening.”] follows canceled ‘a’.2. another!”] interlined with a caret above canceled ‘a perfectly stunning idea!” ’.
3. “Another red-hot advertisement] ‘Another . . . adver-’ interlined with a caret above canceled ‘ “It'll be such a grand adver-’.
4. Listen:] interlined with a caret.
5. a bill] follows canceled ‘the’.
6. Ah,] interlined with a caret.
7. Jasper?] followed by canceled quotation marks.
8. infant] interlined with a caret.
9. the] originally ‘they’; the ‘y’ canceled.
10. “Fighting . . . Revolution.”] interlined in the TS, replacing the MS reading ‘ “Because their father served in the war.” ’ omitted by the typist.
11. get them to] interlined with a caret above a canceled ampersand; the semicolon preceding added.
12. against] interlined with a caret above canceled ‘280,000 persons per year against’.
13. died] followed by ‘in the Lord’ canceled in faded black ink.
14. lightning] followed by canceled ‘and went down’.
15. twenty-eight] interlined with a caret above canceled ‘28’; italic in MS.
anything . . . nobility.] added in three stages, each in faded black ink, to replace the following passage:
‘Congress, they bought the Government, they bought legislatures, they bought the two great parties, they bought municipal bosses here and there and yonder, all over the land, and they were deep in a plan to buy the army and navy and start a hereditary monarchy and nobility.’ First ‘Congress . . . land, and they’ canceled and replaced by ‘anything and everything that was for sale, except legislatures’ added on a new MS page; then ‘anything . . . legislatures’ canceled and replaced by ‘anything . . . whispered that they’ interlined with carets; finally ‘hereditary’ canceled; ‘whispered . . . nobility.’ canceled then recopied on the verso of the MS page preceding.
In . . . there.] added as part of a two-page insertion in faded black ink on MS pages numbered 64A and 64B. The remainder of the insertion, reproduced below, was canceled in the TS. Only the MS was revised; the superior numbers refer to the revisions which are listed following the passage.
‘In the lady-parlors you could see our product, ranged around the walls, with their protecting mammas, waiting for custom, and sometimes looking pretty weary, poor girls. In the gentleman parlors the dukes and such were likewise ranged around the walls, awaiting inspection, and often they looked weary, too. Now and then a papa would enter, with the Count, and look the goods over, and dicker a little, and say he would think it over and come again. Now and then a nobleman would leave his base and visit the lady-parlors and inspect the crop and do a little dickering and say he would come again. An outsider might be deceived by these monotonies, and think there was nothing doing. A mistake: millions and millions changed hands there every day. Mainly the season's crop was sold to1 minor nobilities, of course, but now and then, at happy intervals, a lucky papa got a duke for his money. And usually2 a good husband for his daughter by the same trade; but not always. Sometimes an innocent papa who was satisfied with the price, went further and inquired about the gentleman's character. Count Alibi furnished him a prompt and frosty3 answer:
‘ “Excuse me, sir, we trade in titles here, not the moralities. The entire value of our goods is in the title, the accessories are of no consequence. I offer you two dukes for choice: one is ripe, the other rotten; the price is the same, for the reason that in our market the rotten one is as saleable a property as the sound one.” ’
1. sold to] ‘bought by’ interlined with a caret above canceled ‘sold to’ then canceled; ‘sold to’ restored in an interlineation.2. usually] interlined with a caret above canceled ‘sometimes’.
3. and frosty] interlined with a caret.
Yes . . . name.] It was almost certainly from this passage that Mark Twain discarded the one known manuscript page from an earlier draft of “Lightning Trust.” The page was enclosed in Clemens' copy of J. G. Frazer's Passages of the Bible chosen for their Literary Beauty and Interest and sold with the book after Clemens' death. As printed in “The Library and Manuscripts of Samuel L. Clemens” (Anderson Auction Company catalog no. 892—1911, p. 10), the page reads:
“Every vast commercial enterprise ought to have something theological about it somewhere—yes, sir, and right out in front. This is a Christian country and such a thing appeals to the sympathies and affections of the people, and they love to advertise it, they love to make it succeed. Our people are good and kind and earnest, and you can taffy them to tears if you know how to go about it. You'll see what that motto on our Great Seal will do for us.”
“But, Jasper, didn't the government remove it from the coins?”
“For a while, yes, but it raised a storm and they had to put it back.”
“I can't see why they ever took it off, Jasper. It was beautiful: ‘In God We Trust.’ What did they take it off for?”
A likely conjecture is that the page was replaced by the present manuscript page 60, which corresponds to 99.8–19 (“a splendid”), although it may of course have fitted elsewhere or be the remnant of a more complex revision.
This work, recalled by Paine from Harper & Brothers after Mark Twain's death, survives in three copies: the manuscript, the typescript submitted to the publisher, and a carbon of the publisher's typescript. Mark Twain transferred the revisions on the ribbon copy to the carbon, apparently to preserve a record of the form in which it went to the publisher. Only the long cuts on the original typescript are not entered on the carbon (perhaps because he made them at the urging of F. A. Duneka, his editor at Harper & Brothers). Because it is otherwise identical to the ribbon copy, the carbon has been disregarded in establishing the text.
There are numerous ink revisions on the typescript; all are clearly Mark Twain's. Two penciled notations are ambiguous: question marks appear in the margin of three typescript pages (following 90.6), next to a passage which was eventually cut; and “religious” was substituted for “Catholics” at 94.13. The deletion of “Catholics” is in accord with Duneka's extreme sensitivity to even the hint of criticism of his church. (In his Autobiographical Dictation of 17 July 1906, Mark Twain complained that Duneka's piety had led him to tamper in a similar way with the “Chronicle of Young Satan” version of “The Mysterious Stranger.”) Since it is likely that this change was Duneka's, and since Mark Twain used pencil nowhere else, the presumption must be that the question marks, too, are Duneka's. There is no subject for censorship in the deleted passage, however, and the query was almost certainly motivated by aesthetic considerations. “Catholics” has therefore been restored to the text, while, because Mark Twain responded to the queries by canceling the questioned passage in ink, the cut has been accepted.
The typescript is the authority for italics in the text. The typist did not reproduce the underscoring of the manuscript, and Mark Twain marked the typescript anew throughout.