(Early 1900s)
This piece is more nearly a set of working notes than a finished composition. The idea that God was not moral was to be proved by his persecutions of the creatures he had made to suffer without any hope of future reward: “Brutes. They cannot enter heaven. Their sufferings are merely to punish their present sins and discipline them.” The satire on the conventional religious idea of disciplinary affliction resembles that in the “Little Bessie” chapters.
In designating the title, Mark Twain noted “Synod” as a possible alternate for “(Concert?)”; since he let “Synod” stand without parentheses or question mark, the present title has been used as the form he may have preferred. Paine dated this satire “1900s” on the first page of the manuscript. The paper was used between 1900 and 1905; the ink is a variety much used by Mark Twain between 1900 and 1903.
Animals and Insects
Moderator, the Cow,Ⓐalteration in the MS
1st Vice—the Giraffe (spectacles)
2d Vice—the Rabbit (spectacles)
3d Vice—the Goat (spectacles)
God Ⓐemendation—the Elephant. KnocksⒶemendation an innocent over now and then or steps on him—this comes out in the speeches—it is alwaysⒶalteration in the MS either for His “glory” or to teach some kind of saving lesson, or to over-adequately punish an unknown offence.
Monkey has a disease inherited from his grandfather—is this a punishment? Then for what? For a lesson?Ⓐalteration in the MS then how? Evidently God is not moral (sensation).Ⓐemendation Dull—no perception of justice. No generosity, courtesy, magnanimity.
InvitesⒶemendation me to his house, I am his guest. He insults me, maltreats me, cripples me, diseases me, kicks me out when he is tired of me. No gentleman.
Expects me to worship him. A guest worship his host? A guest owes no worship to his host. When hospitably treated he owesⒶalteration in the MS acknowledgments, worded in dignified and self-respecting phrase, but no servility, no bending of the knee.
But he has a right to require worship?
Then I his guest am also his slave.
[begin page 143]The slave says “I belong to my master, he has a right to do what he pleases with me.” Which is a lie. The master has no rights at all over his slave. Unless forceⒶalteration in the MS creates rights. If compulsion over the helpless creates rights, God has rights—he has no other. If the exercise of lawless force is moral, God is moral.
Blame. It is word applicable to God only. Unrequested, he made man, and is responsible for all man'sⒶalteration in the MS words and deeds. The vote of a continent of Gods could not absolve him from his responsibility nor wash him clean of the stain of any harm that may befal his creature.
Brutes. They cannot enter heaven. TheirⒶemendation Ⓐtextual note sufferings are merely to punish their present sins and discipline them.
Grasshopper. Spider fast to his body and sucking its juices.
Caterpillar the same.
Fish with parasites on eye. Etc.
All humbly praise God for these deserved afflictions.
The parasites have parasites and these have others. They all praise.
Cow: He is our loving father.
Monkey. My praise is that we have not two of him.
The manuscript is copy-text. Since the piece is essentially a set of working notes, neither Mark Twain's inconsistencies nor his occasionally telegraphic phrasing (like “It is word” at 143.6) have been emended. No ambiguous compound is hyphenated at the end of a line in the manuscript.